purple000 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now. Hes the first boyfriend I've had that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. After we had been together for 3 months he told me he loved me but he did it during are first arguement. I didn't say it back and I just said I really liked him but that I didn't want to say I love you during an argument. Throughout the next month he also told me he loved me in a voicemail and text message. So a few weeks ago I told him that I loved him cause I feel that I do and he said it back. Since then he has been critizing me about our relationship in the bedroom and he seems displeased with everything I do. We talked about it last night and he said that he doesn't really love me and that he just had said he did because he thought thats what I wanted to hear. He also said that since we were hanging out everyday the first few months that he feels bored now when were in the bedroom. He says he feels pressured that I want to get married even though I don't anytime soon. I asked him if he still wants to stay with me and he paused for a minute and then said that he still does. I feel really horrible now though because I love him and don't know what to do. I'm going to be devesated if we break up but I also don't want to be with someone whos not happy with me. Should I stay with him? I feel like this came out of nowhere we were so happy until these past few weeks. Hes coming over tonight and I feel like I need to ask more questions about how hes feeling. What should I do?
Mary3 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 He seems uncomfortable with love in general. Says it during an arguement and during a text or email. Is he quite young ? If he is 17 or under I can understand. A grown man ? He needs to grow some.. You are also leaving the limerance stage and entering the non honeymoon stage where the uglies really start coming out....
Author purple000 Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 No hes 24 and Im 28. I've never dated someone younger than me before but hes always acted mature until now though.
Mary3 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 No hes 24 and Im 28. I've never dated someone younger than me before but hes always acted mature until now though. It could have likely been infatuation that he felt. You know , crazy about someone and then things settle down and they don't feel the same anymore...
yah Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I don't think that's cause for a break up! It's only been 5 months. My SO and I have dated 7mo and I don't love him. He doesn't love me either. We've both told each other that. Either your bf thought it was love he was feeling or he said it b/c he thought it was time to say it. Either way, he was just confused. Men get confused all the time. If your relationship is good, and both enjoy being with each other, then that's all you need right now. It's only been 5 months. If you said 5 yrs then that's different.
Arabella Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 No hes 24 and Im 28. I've never dated someone younger than me before but hes always acted mature until now though. They act mature til they don't. I'm 26 and my ex is 22. It's easy to feel compelled to believe they're mature because we really like them, and they're trying pretty hard because they're conscious of the age difference. However, from my experience, maturity or lack thereof is demonstrated in how they handle things when they are unhappy with something. A mature person will bring up the issue and talk it over. That's not what he's doing. Consider whether this guy can really give you what you want. Are you willing to put up with this behavior for a lifetime? I sure hope not... Arabella
zebracolors Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 So a few weeks ago I told him that I loved him cause I feel that I do and he said it back. Since then he has been critizing me about our relationship in the bedroom and he seems displeased with everything I do. We talked about it last night and he said that he doesn't really love me and that he just had said he did because he thought thats what I wanted to hear. He also said that since we were hanging out everyday the first few months that he feels bored now when were in the bedroom. He says he feels pressured that I want to get married even though I don't anytime soon. Am I the only one sees a red flag here? You finally are sure of how you feel about him, but suddenly once you do, he seems different? Do you really think it's okay for a guy to just say what he thinks you want to hear? Thats kind of like leading you on, so it would seem to me. How do you mean he seems displeased with everything you do? Hopefully you don't suddenly love him because he was saying things he thought you wanted to hear. Does this really sound like someone who you see yourself with for the long term? I'm agreeing with Mary3 on this. He's likely not ready for a commited r-ship.
TaraMaiden Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 You are also leaving the limerance stage .... What's 'limerance'....??
Mary3 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 What's 'limerance'....?? Basically, it is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love; addictive love. Usually, one is inspired with an intense passion or admiration for someone. Limerence is a common emotion characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development. It is distinguished by a lack of trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity. In the case of limerence, there is more often than not an obsessor and an object of desire, who may or may not be attainable. It can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair, depending on whether the feelings are reciprocated. Limerence is sometimes also referred to as infatuation. In common speech, infatuation includes aspects of immaturity and extrapolating from insufficient information, and is usually short-lived.
Author purple000 Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 So I talked to my boyfriend last night and he explained that even though he doesnt feel he loves me yet that he does really care about me. He said that it was his fault for rushing things with us in the first place but now he feels he has become to dependent on me. He said he wants for us to stay together but that he also wants us to do things more independently. He says since weve been together he has not been focusing as much on work and that he feels his guy friends are turing more into acquaintences. He also said that he didn't mean that he was bored with me in the bedroom but just that he didn't feel the same excitment as in the beginning. Hopefully things will become better between us again. Thanks for everyones advice
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