VertexSquared Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I just received a match today, and she was obviously very, very pretty. Clearly the type who'd get a lot of responses. She's also well-educated and seems to be the "dork at heart" type -- works in the same field as me. All in all she seems like someone I'd be very interested in. She responded to my initial questions and then almost immediately after I sent my replies (within like a minute or two), she sent an Icebreaker saying "It seems we live close -- let's talk!" This is the first time anyone's ever sent an icebreaker thing... normally I find people just go through the Guided Comm before they get to the open communication part. Not sure if this is a "scam profile" or if she has gone through this process so many times that she just wants to skip everything or what? I'm at a loss, someone enlighten me, haha.
Engadget Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I'd be wary of that, yes. Might as well talk to her and see if it's real, just don't get your hopes up.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I gave EH a try. It really was not for me. I found the "guided communication" stifling and really wanted to just talk, or type, in my own words. If I had a spark of interest of any kind at all, I would try to move out of that asap. She might be doing the same. On the other hand ... could be a scam, I guess. Good luck with EH. Though it was a bust for me, I have an acquaintance who met her husband there.
Author VertexSquared Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 I mean are there girls that use eH just to get free food/dates and don't want to spend a few days talking online? That is my worry.
Author VertexSquared Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 She just added captions to her pictures that weren't there before. Something feels really weird to me.
Engadget Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 She just added captions to her pictures that weren't there before. Something feels really weird to me. Your instinct is probably right.
carhill Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 So, she lives close by. If she wants to 'talk', suggest coffee at a neutral (distance-wise) place, like today or tomorrow. Don't waste time with online banter. You'll know quickly if your instinct is right or wrong. If right, next. If wrong, opportunity.
Author VertexSquared Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 So, she lives close by. If she wants to 'talk', suggest coffee at a neutral (distance-wise) place, like today or tomorrow. Don't waste time with online banter. You'll know quickly if your instinct is right or wrong. If right, next. If wrong, opportunity. Thing is she doesn't know where I live. She just knows I live in Manhattan, which is where I assume she lives too. I guess that could be a "living closeby" indicator, but still. At any rate, I'll probably keep it low-key and do something relatively inexpensive but fun I guess.
carhill Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I've been in Manhattan enough to know that most anywhere is a cheap tube ride and short walk away. Masticating on this won't benefit you. Be decisive. Beautiful time to take a walk in Central Park. That cheap enough?
Author VertexSquared Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 I've been in Manhattan enough to know that most anywhere is a cheap tube ride and short walk away. Masticating on this won't benefit you. Be decisive. Beautiful time to take a walk in Central Park. That cheap enough? Heh that's exactly what I did on a previous date. The problem was figuring out a good time to call the date a night. Once we were out of the park, that's when it all ventured into "crap I gotta improvise" territory. It led to a rather long, dragged-on date because I am new to the city and don't know of many amazingly good date spots for food yet.
carhill Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I am new to the city and don't know of many amazingly good date spots for food yet. Do what I do. Ask. When I'm in NYC, I talk to people. Approached properly, even the cops are friendly. The problem was figuring out a good time to call the date a night Make it a day date. Be decisive. 'I've got a commitment tonight (even if it's just to feed your cat); I really enjoyed our time together (if you did) and would love to do this again'. Listen. Like I said, if your instincts are right, this will end this weekend and you can move on. This person is just a stranger. You're attaching a bit of a pedestal (and doubt) due to her physical appearance and proactive approach. That's in your mind. Cleanse your mind
Author VertexSquared Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 Do what I do. Ask. When I'm in NYC, I talk to people. Approached properly, even the cops are friendly. Make it a day date. Be decisive. 'I've got a commitment tonight (even if it's just to feed your cat); I really enjoyed our time together (if you did) and would love to do this again'. Listen. Like I said, if your instincts are right, this will end this weekend and you can move on. This person is just a stranger. You're attaching a bit of a pedestal (and doubt) due to her physical appearance and proactive approach. That's in your mind. Cleanse your mind The problem is that I feel like if I say "I have something to do tonight" they're going to ask what that is. Then I have to make something up and lie, and I hate doing that. I have a tough day-job, but outside of work, I'm usually pretty free. Sometimes I'll genuinely have something to do, but those aren't days I schedule dates for because those days are *too* busy.
carhill Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Hint: Women lie about this kind of stuff all the time. Feel offended?
Sazerac Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 The problem is that I feel like if I say "I have something to do tonight" they're going to ask what that is. Then I have to make something up and lie, and I hate doing that. I have a tough day-job, but outside of work, I'm usually pretty free. Sometimes I'll genuinely have something to do, but those aren't days I schedule dates for because those days are *too* busy. Never feel you have to justify what you are doing to anyone, especially someone you just met. It's not their business. If they ask, simply smile and say that you're sorry you have to end the date, but you'd like to meet again sometime (assuming it went well). Then make whatever plans with the person you wish. BTW, if the date didn't go well, I'd tell them up front that you like them as a person, but you didn't feel the romantic "click." Don't leave them hanging.
Art_Critic Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 How close to the end of your membership are you on EH.. When I used it I noticed an huge increase in activity right before my membership was set to expire.. Then I would re-up and low and behold the person(s) either never responded or closed me out. I think the EH also includes old non paying members in their matches..
Author VertexSquared Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 How close to the end of your membership are you on EH.. When I used it I noticed an huge increase in activity right before my membership was set to expire.. Then I would re-up and low and behold the person(s) either never responded or closed me out. I think the EH also includes old non paying members in their matches.. I registered in mid-March for a 3-month trial. Her rapid-fire responses have suddenly stopped after we sent our must haves/can't stands. I halfway presume that'll be the last I hear from her, LOL.
Arasae Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I don't know what to tell you--I'm on the other end of the fence on those dating websites and have been accused several times of being a "fake" profile. Which is kinda flattering, but still. I sort of tried out e-harmony and the fact that we couldn't directly talk frustrated me. If there was someone in my area that I was pretty interested in, I'd probably go for it and do the "let's talk" thing right away, simply because I find I can't express myself unless it's in MY words on MY terms. So.. it could be real, but always be wary--it's the internet. Set up an easy date. Coffee. That's inexpensive, no? Find something you have to do later in the day--meet up with friends, whatever, so you have an escape planned. At worst, you spend six bucks on coffee and endure an hour of lame conversation. At best, you meet your soul mate! Methinks you don't have much to lose. =)
Author VertexSquared Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 I sent back an icebreaker as well, so we'll see what happens.
CLC2008 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I've been in Manhattan enough to know that most anywhere is a cheap tube ride and short walk away. Masticating on this won't benefit you. Be decisive. Beautiful time to take a walk in Central Park. That cheap enough? I echo carhill's sentiment. Be decisive, its just a quick date. There is something offputting about these posts in general, they almost remind me of a former poster Bells I think it was.
Star Gazer Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Why are you being so defeatist? And conspiracy-theory? As if an attractive woman who you're compatible with might actually like you!? The nerve! IT MUST BE A SCAM! If she's for real, you're sending out some seriously negative, unattractive vibes out into the universe...
You'reasian Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I just received a match today, and she was obviously very, very pretty. Clearly the type who'd get a lot of responses. She's also well-educated and seems to be the "dork at heart" type -- works in the same field as me. All in all she seems like someone I'd be very interested in. She responded to my initial questions and then almost immediately after I sent my replies (within like a minute or two), she sent an Icebreaker saying "It seems we live close -- let's talk!" This is the first time anyone's ever sent an icebreaker thing... normally I find people just go through the Guided Comm before they get to the open communication part. Not sure if this is a "scam profile" or if she has gone through this process so many times that she just wants to skip everything or what? I'm at a loss, someone enlighten me, haha. Scam? I don't know but try this out... request to close your account. notice all of the new matches and requests for communication you get, followed by an email stating that if you close you won't get to meet women like "XYZ" who just requested contact. Coincidence?
Author VertexSquared Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 (edited) Why are you being so defeatist? And conspiracy-theory? As if an attractive woman who you're compatible with might actually like you!? The nerve! IT MUST BE A SCAM! If she's for real, you're sending out some seriously negative, unattractive vibes out into the universe... I wouldn't be suspicious if the circumstances of the initial interactions weren't so deviant from what typically happens, that's all. EDIT: Actually, how many people are reading this right now? There's something I want to ask but I don't want it to be in hard-text format that can't be edited later. Might put up a temp cam. Edited April 10, 2010 by VertexSquared
Star Gazer Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I wouldn't be suspicious if the circumstances of the initial interactions weren't so deviant from what typically happens, that's all. EDIT: Actually, how many people are reading this right now? There's something I want to ask but I don't want it to be in hard-text format that can't be edited later. Might put up a temp cam. I met several guys while on eH where the initial interactions were just as you described.
CLC2008 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Vertex, you recently made a thread discussing dating difficulties, to the point where you considered hiring an escort. Previous to that, you discussed in a different thread how you have no problem having sexual relationships and women approach you. Now you have corresponded with a woman online, on Eharmony, and you mention she has traits that interest you. She suggests you two talk. You're hesitant because she made the suggestion, and are now suspicious of her motives. Yet, you yourself have not made any attempt to break the ice other then respond to her. Something is not making sense here...
Author VertexSquared Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 CLC2008: I think there's enough evidence to warrant the concern. "Previous to that, you discussed in a different thread how you have no problem having sexual relationships and women approach you," is wrong BTW. Anyways on top of all this, she replied: "Hope this isn't too forward, but you seem like a pretty cool person to chill with and I think we'd get along well. I'm always interested in meeting people I can have an awesome time with, and if there's a spark, there's a spark, and if not, then at least I found a cool new friend. If you're okay with this kind of mentality, please let me know and feel free to ask any questions! Hope to talk to you soon " Super generic. You could send this to anyone.
Recommended Posts