Sadcakesleo Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I've I have been doing alright since my ex left me a few months ago. I was full nc and one night I texted her about some things. How i'm not mad anymore and trying to learn to be single since I have never have. She called me the next day and we actually had a good hour conversation about life. A few days later she called and we we talking about a few things and I did the unthinkable. I asked her if she was dating. She said that she has been on a few dates. I was calm towards her but deep inside it hurts. I know everybody has been stressing nc and I am a firm believer in it. Yet I gave in and broke nc and now i am sad. I'm not depressed because I know it was bound to happen but it does bother me. Another thing that bothers me is that I know are relationship was bad. Really toxic and since the break up I have not been stressed but why do I miss her so much? Why do I want her back? We went out for 5 years and lived together most of the time. I am trying to get over her without finding a rebound but I feel I won't get over her unless I do find someone else. I just want to get over her and stop thinking there is hope and she is going to come back. My mind says she is no good for me but my heart misses her so much. I don't know where to go from here. I'm 25 I want to be single awhile and learn to be alone but at the same time I want to get over her and that will happen faster if I find someone else. Any advice would be helpful.
This Hurts Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I know how you feel when you say you want to be single and learn to be alone. I'm going through that right now. She got a new boyfriend right away, and normally I would panic and think I'm being left behind so I would go try to find someone as well. But surprisingly, I still want to be single. I want to learn to be happy without her again. My contentment has relied on her for the past 3.5+ years, and I feel it's time to renew my independence. It's my time to be alone for sometime. Besides, Iknow she's being codependent, and that will hurt her in the long run. If you really want the company, find someone that can keep you company. It helps some people more than others. But if you really want to learn to be alone again, I would say to stay single and just cope with the loneliness. After all, loneliness is part of the grieving process, and you're definitely not the only one going through it. Also, go NC and stick to it. You did it for 2 months, you can do it for 2 more, and then 2 more, and so on and so on. 2 months might not have made you move on completely, but I'm sure it helped a great deal and 2 more would help another great deal and next thing you know, you're completely recovered. Good luck.
LK30 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hey sadcakes leo I know EXACTLY how you feel mate! I think you're the first person to post an issue that I am almost in an identical situation with. The only difference is I didn't break NC. I have had rejection a few times, and meeting someone else always appears to be the best cure. I split up with my ex 3 months ago, but didnt start NC til 2 months ago. The first month I e-mailed her and she replied but it was just her being stubborn, and then I noticed her on an online dating site a few days after I gave her stuff back! I'm certain she hadnt met anyone else before we split, but was shocked she was on a site so soon. She claims her friend set one up too (which is true) but said she didnt use it but her friend did as she didnt want blokes knowing who she was. Weird or a very big lie! (And I didnt know her to be a liar when in a r'ship with her). Rather than you ask her if she was seeing someone I ended up checking her dating profile, and I noticed it hadn't been active for a while so i thought 'bet she's met someone now.' She's not ugly. Perhaps that's why she's never contacted me as she has found meeting someone else has helped (altho i have no proof and find myself wanting to know for some reason). I guess i've gone on a bit here to reassure you you're not alone, and it hurts but the inevitable is girls move on quite quick. It doesn't mean your ex is with someone else and the fact she has apparently been on a 'few dates' means she may just be comparing them to you and she's not moved on. My advice is don't contact her again as it's sooooo unlikely u can rekindle yr r'ship, and even if you got back with her you'd probably both put so much effort into the r'ship which would be your new 'honeymoon period' but after a while u and her would go back to your old ways and maybe split all over again. Just take time out and hang out with people as if you're not over her you'll affect a potential r'ship with someone new.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 thank you for the replies it helps. It becomes a daily struggle to fight calling her and telling her to come back to me now.This had been the longest I have ever been alone with no dating or gf. It will sucks but at least when I do find someone else I will learn to appreciate them more. It does seem true that girls move on quicker than guys and it seems to me that everyone is in a serious relationship. I feel like texting her right now but I won't because there is nothing I can say that I haven't said already. Like I said I just wish that the small hope I have of us getting together would go away so I can move forward.
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