worlybear Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Finally got up the courage to move house and worked out that I have been nc for nearly 6 months now.(married 27 years.) Why then do I still obsess over ex and ow? He has moved in with her and her 10 yr old daughter despite saying he didn't want family life- obviously that should have read he didn't want his own family..... I can see what a loser and a cheat he is- I can feel the hurt that he's inflicted on the family ,especially our 8 yr old daughter. I've even had to use the CSA to chase him for child maintenance (he still works as a teacher.) I'm just so tired of it all- I know he's not the man I thought he was but I thought I would've moved on by now. I have got out ther socially, am joining groups/dating sites/dancing but it just doesn't seem to be working- I'm not expecting to be swept off my feet ,just to meet some decent people to chill out with- but it just doesn't seem to be happening. My remaining family is in turmoil and its a bitter pill to think that his life is good- old fashioned I know but I long for him to have problems too as he appears to be doing exactly what he wants , he's walked away from all his financial and emotional responsibilities and there's not a damned thing I can do about it. Just had a letter from his solicitor demanding that he can see his daughter. She doesn't want to see him, and I have suggested that he writes/phones her to start rebuilding their relationship before he visits her- so I'm doing all the right things for her BUT I hate that he has caused all this hearbreak and mess- I know he only wants contact because he's p***** that she doesn't want to see him. Writing on here to stop myself contacting him. I know I sound sorry for myself- but the future looks so bleak.
anne1707 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Finally got up the courage to move house and worked out that I have been nc for nearly 6 months now.(married 27 years.) Why then do I still obsess over ex and ow? He has moved in with her and her 10 yr old daughter despite saying he didn't want family life- obviously that should have read he didn't want his own family..... 27 years is a lifetime. Don't beat yourself up about obsessing still at this stage. He hurt you and your family very badly. He has is head well and truly in the clouds and there is only way for him to go now. He will crash. I can see what a loser and a cheat he is- I can feel the hurt that he's inflicted on the family ,especially our 8 yr old daughter. I've even had to use the CSA to chase him for child maintenance (he still works as a teacher.) I'm just so tired of it all- I know he's not the man I thought he was but I thought I would've moved on by now. He is more than a complete loser. The fact that you have had to go to the CSA says all that anybody needs to know. It's one thing betraying you (no offence Worly) but to abandon his daughter is unforgivable. I have got out ther socially, am joining groups/dating sites/dancing but it just doesn't seem to be working- I'm not expecting to be swept off my feet ,just to meet some decent people to chill out with- but it just doesn't seem to be happening. Small steps Worly. It feels as if it is not happening for you yet but it will. Just think - a few months ago you would never have gone out but now you do. One day you will find you are enjoying these things and meeting new people who you really enjoy being with and who reciprocate those feelings My remaining family is in turmoil and its a bitter pill to think that his life is good- old fashioned I know but I long for him to have problems too as he appears to be doing exactly what he wants , he's walked away from all his financial and emotional responsibilities and there's not a damned thing I can do about it. Except be there for your family. Be their rock and in turn they give you strength to fight Just had a letter from his solicitor demanding that he can see his daughter. She doesn't want to see him, and I have suggested that he writes/phones her to start rebuilding their relationship before he visits her- so I'm doing all the right things for her BUT I hate that he has caused all this hearbreak and mess- I know he only wants contact because he's p***** that she doesn't want to see him. I am having to force myself not to fully express how I feel about this man (to avoid a LS ban). So the lying, cheating scumbag wants to see his daugher but does not want to pay towards her support? He's a real piece of work this one. But all you can do (in spite of how wrong it might feel), is help her to see her father - support her and provide him with fair and reasonable access but also make sure you keep fighting for financial support. He can't have it both ways. Writing on here to stop myself contacting him. I know I sound sorry for myself- but the future looks so bleak. Vent away - the joy of LS As for the future - you have been to hell and back over the last 18 months now but you have not allowed yourself to let this crush you. You have fought for your children, your job and your home. How about fighting for yourself for a while. Just think of what you have achieved and how much you have moved on from those early days. It's a lovely sunny day, spring is finally here - go enjoy
Author worlybear Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 :mad:Thanks for the detailed response. I'm in a very bleak place at the moment. Just had 2 days of extremely difficult,humiliating meetings with mortgage company and bank. I am fed up of being honest and doing what's right. Society doesn't seem to be geared up for it. All the major companies seem to be allowing H to walk away scott free and I'm dealing with all the massive financial melt down. I know I can apply for benefits but I have always worked and its so humiliating- it makes me so mad that my ex is enjoying a new life/house/family at the expense of us. and that he has opted out of everything. As he is paying for his new family rental and she isn't working he says he can't pay towards us!!! Legally and morally he SHOULD pay but the judge will take his new living circumstances into consideration and any contribution will probably be minimal - its a very unjust situation and I just can't get my head around it. The one glimmer of light is the CSA. As well as this my oldest son( 27,diagnosed bi-polar) is about to go to Crown Court to face serious drink/driving charges which culminated in his passenger receiving terrible injuries(she almost died.) He deserves to go to prison for it and he should but I am bracing myself for the inevitable publicity. Still in counselling ,still taking the tablets, still feel like giving up. I want a life back.
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