Eurydice Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I've been trying to parse through my situation and I hoped I might gain some advice from other LS members who have been in similar scenarios. I'm trying to get a gauge for what chances a relationship with the OM might hold. If the OM (or OW, for that matter) left their relationship, and wanted to pursue one with you, did it work out? Was it permanent or did you drift apart? Was it more successful when there had been a cooling off phase? To be clear: I have not embarked on an A. I am with someone, but find I have very strong feelings for the OM. If I pursue the OM, it would presumably occur after a S or a D from my H. I've read again and again that a new relationship (or post-D R) is very difficult when the MW or MM left for the OM/OW. If the relationship they were in failed on another basis (incompatibility, fighting, lack of affection, whatever), is there the same challenge?
Ella whispers Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 It would probably depend on whether the OM is married or not. Does he want the same things as you and is he interested in having a R w/ you?
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 If you are unhappy with your husband, why don't you just divorce him regardless of who might be waiting for you on the other side? Once you do that, then it will be time to consider a relationship with someone else. One thing at a time.
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Why not just divorce first and deal with that, and then when you're ready to date, you and the OM can get together. Or is he married? Don't even bother opening the door to someone new until you close the door on your old life, aka divorcing. Otherwise, you'll just be cheating and adding dishonesty into a potiental real relationship.
Passion4Life Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I've been trying to parse through my situation and I hoped I might gain some advice from other LS members who have been in similar scenarios. I'm trying to get a gauge for what chances a relationship with the OM might hold. If the OM (or OW, for that matter) left their relationship, and wanted to pursue one with you, did it work out? Was it permanent or did you drift apart? Was it more successful when there had been a cooling off phase? To be clear: I have not embarked on an A. I am with someone, but find I have very strong feelings for the OM. If I pursue the OM, it would presumably occur after a S or a D from my H. I've read again and again that a new relationship (or post-D R) is very difficult when the MW or MM left for the OM/OW. If the relationship they were in failed on another basis (incompatibility, fighting, lack of affection, whatever), is there the same challenge? Not the same challenge but a strong possibility that u will leave the OM too for someone new when u fall in love with him or find a much better chemistry and physical attraction .
jwi71 Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I've been trying to parse through my situation and I hoped I might gain some advice from other LS members who have been in similar scenarios. I'm trying to get a gauge for what chances a relationship with the OM might hold. If the OM (or OW, for that matter) left their relationship, and wanted to pursue one with you, did it work out? Was it permanent or did you drift apart? Was it more successful when there had been a cooling off phase? To be clear: I have not embarked on an A. I am with someone, but find I have very strong feelings for the OM. If I pursue the OM, it would presumably occur after a S or a D from my H. I've read again and again that a new relationship (or post-D R) is very difficult when the MW or MM left for the OM/OW. If the relationship they were in failed on another basis (incompatibility, fighting, lack of affection, whatever), is there the same challenge? Well, the chances are NOT good regardless. You should leave your H because the M cannot be saved. And that means you TRIED to save it (MC, etc). Leaving for the OM almost always doesn't last. And, in my opinion, its because of the forbidden fruit syndrome. The novelty, the excitement, the wrongness of an A is an exhilarating high. Hard to match in ANY R. Plus, there isnt a lot of "reality" in an A...no cleaning toilets, picking up laundry, staying within a budget, etc....All most people do is trade one set of "problems" for a different set of "problems". Of course, leaving your H is the FAR better course of action for all involved. However, I still don't like your chances with the OM even if you D your H first. And that's because of rebounds. Which is what your OM will become. We all know how long those last... I would file for D, dump the OM and simply enjoy your own company for a while.
OWoman Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I've been trying to parse through my situation and I hoped I might gain some advice from other LS members who have been in similar scenarios. I'm trying to get a gauge for what chances a relationship with the OM might hold. If the OM (or OW, for that matter) left their relationship, and wanted to pursue one with you, did it work out? Was it permanent or did you drift apart? Was it more successful when there had been a cooling off phase? To be clear: I have not embarked on an A. I am with someone, but find I have very strong feelings for the OM. If I pursue the OM, it would presumably occur after a S or a D from my H. I've read again and again that a new relationship (or post-D R) is very difficult when the MW or MM left for the OM/OW. If the relationship they were in failed on another basis (incompatibility, fighting, lack of affection, whatever), is there the same challenge? As are all different. Some Rs work out post-A, others don't.
HURT LOVER Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I've been trying to parse through my situation and I hoped I might gain some advice from other LS members who have been in similar scenarios. I'm trying to get a gauge for what chances a relationship with the OM might hold. If the OM (or OW, for that matter) left their relationship, and wanted to pursue one with you, did it work out? Was it permanent or did you drift apart? Was it more successful when there had been a cooling off phase? To be clear: I have not embarked on an A. I am with someone, but find I have very strong feelings for the OM. If I pursue the OM, it would presumably occur after a S or a D from my H. I've read again and again that a new relationship (or post-D R) is very difficult when the MW or MM left for the OM/OW. If the relationship they were in failed on another basis (incompatibility, fighting, lack of affection, whatever), is there the same challenge? You should really get that D if want to be with your OM. I was the OM for 12 yrs. It really hurt me when she didn't want to be with me anymore. So I'm telling you, the OM feelings his heart will be so hurt if he loves you and really wants to be with you , and then you hit him with a decision of wanting to stay with your H. Trust I am speaking from experience being the OM. Don't hurt the OM like that. If you love the OM do what's right.
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