blue1234 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 (edited) Here goes..... My husband and I have been married for 21 years. We married right after I turned 18 and was still a senior in H.S.. He's a hard worker and has been basically a good person. We have 18 and 20 year old daughters. During our marriage we both have been unfaithful at one time or another. He's 43 and I'm 39. In August, I found out that he was seeing someone that he had met in a bar while I was at work. I ended up have an online/txting relationship as well. I had been feeling insignificant, uncared,for and it made me feel good for someone to make me feel like I mattered again. We decided to work on our marriage. He's not one to express his feelings much. I've stressed to him that it's important for me that if something is bothering him that we can talk about it and don't keep it bottled up. During this time, although I'm sure I could've done more, I would leave little notes on his pillow before I left for work and let him know I loved him. I had dinner ready when he came home from work. I found out last week that he has still been talking to this woman (She is 50 years old). Things were very tense and I called him two nights ago on my way into work and he ended up thinking he hung up the phone when he actually had turned the speakerphone on. He was having a conversation with our 18 yr old about the whole sorry mess and saying "I love her but I don't love her". I was upset that he was discussing this with her. He ended up leaving that night and going to the OW's house. He did not go to work the next day and came home in the middle of the day to shower and change and leave for her house again. Which seemed like a very blatent thing to do with us there and him saying that was his intentions. A few hours later my 18 yr old tried to call him and he had shut his phone off. Which made her feel like he was putting this woman over her. In any event, she ended up talking to her grandparents (his parents) and telling them everything. They are kind hearted, old fashioned and a little religious. His father woke me up calling me soon after and was very supportive and they are very upset by the situation. He ended up asking me if I had the OW's number because they couldn't get ahold of him and I hesitated but then thought "screw it" and gave it to him. I know that his mother ended up calling later and asking if he was there. The OW demanded to know who it was and my mother-in-law said "his mother." OW told her he wasn't there. (he said he was asleep at her house while her and her sister were at the store) ....So he came home from work last night. I had dinner ready. He was eating and I asked if he had talked to his parents. He said he had and they wanted to have a meeting with us tonight. My husband has been avoiding talking to them, obviously and is really not happy about this prospect. Later on, I asked him to give it another chance, a month and not talk to her at all during that time since he didn't give the last time a chance as he was still speaking to her. I said if she truly cares for you, she will wait during that time and you will know if she really does. (her husband passed away this past May after 32 years of marriage) I truly love him and really do want to try and both of us committed in trying. I did tell him that we can't change what we've done in the past but we need to have a new mindset and remember what it was about each other that we fell in love with and go from there. So, I suppose besides just getting this out. I'm wondering if the meeting with his parents is a good idea. They both have good intentions but are not happy with his decisions right now and he knows he will be getting a speech from his dad. He loves his parents very much but isn't listening to the people that love him these days. Thanks for any advice you can give. Edited April 10, 2010 by blue1234 title change
Fouts Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 He's too old to be mentored and influenced by his parents anymore. Unless he has a big inheritance hanging over his head, what they say is not going to make a bit of difference in your relationship with him and vice versa. You two have grown up together, raised kids that are now adults in their own right. You both have to want to be together and be happily together. If you can't find that, there's really no point in being together is there?
Recommended Posts