I think I'm on a dangerous road here - what do you think?

[MrsPeaSoup]

Hello everyone,

 

Ok, so 3.5 weeks ago my bf broke up with me and in all my heart ache I tried to find any help on LS on what to do.

Yes, I've read a LOT of posts here about NC, breadcrumbs, etc. And I've tried to give my best advice to people as well.

 

But here's the thing..

 

This weekend my ex send me an e-mail and I totally freaked out. But that feeling was just temporary, before the day was over I felt in a complete peace, which was very very nice. Oh, btw, the content of the e-mail can be read here.

So here I am, in complete peace. I even want to write him a goodbye letter to tell him how wonderfull he has been to me and that he gave me a lot of self respect and that I don't believe we could be together again at this moment, for our lives demand other things from us.

Now, couple days later I find myself losing that peace. I still have the feeling we can't get back together right now, but I find myself thinking more and more about him.

 

I know this is stupid and I'm on a dangerous road to let myself being awfully hurt again, but I've contacted him: twice. I've called him and that went pretty well: some chitchat, he was also engaged in the conversation and I even asked him if we could see each other. He said yes, but he couldn't for the next couple (4) weekends. Oh yeah, we live 3h apart, so the only time I can see him is in the weekends. He also said he was glad we could have contact again. But nothing more than that, no indications he missed me as a gf or something.

 

I have developed this plan to at least continue to contact him untill I have the opportunity to see him, then go to him, have a cup of coffee or lunch and try to find out if there's still some feelings left. But all of this is done in undercover: I'll be seeing him 'just as friends'.

 

---------------

What do you think? Should I try to establish a date to meet him? Or do you think I'm slipping in the friends zone (which I don't want)?

Or should I not contact him any more and just STOP wondering about him and let him be?

 

Thanks in advance

 

xx PeaSoup

[sugarmomma]

He has not made any direct comments about getting back together so I wouldn't waste my time if I were you.

 

Let him come to you.

[MrsPeaSoup]

But in that case, should I just go NC right away? Not contact him, not even because we vaguely agreed to meet each other in some weeks?

 

xx

[sugarmomma]

You were the one that suggested meeting in some weeks. I would let him come my way and show that he is as interested in being in a r as you are. Let him do some of the work.

 

I would definitely say NC is the way to go with this one.

[RedDevil66]

whne going through any traumatic event, our emotions wax and wane and go from one extreme to the next.

You feel at peace and then you panic again. The trick is not to react or act on any of the emotions that come into to play, but to just feel them and let them pass

 

Contacting him is just going to continue your wave of pain, If he rejects you again, you need to start the healing process all over again.

 

Sending him an email to say you are content about him leaving is more about wanting to see what his reaction is.

True closure comes with no contact and letting go.

 

good luck, I know how painful this is

[MrsPeaSoup]

Thank you to both of you.

 

I will try to keep this in mind next time my emotions run up again.

[Fouts]

Seeing him "just as friends" is being undercover? As soon as you say you're going to meet us, we know there's no "just as friends" about it Mrs Soup

[MrsPeaSoup]

True..

 

I think I'll do it another way. I think I will call him one last time, saying I want to give him something when we will see each other.

 

I've written him a letter, just as a closure for me.

 

If I'm realistic about all this I think I do not have the heart to play games like that: try to win him back by flirting etc. No, I think I'll just move on, focuss on my life. The letter will be a last closure thing for me