abandk03 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Hi just joined today. I have never had a good realtionship in my life! 36 divorced, remarried in Feb. to a man I was with for 3 years. It has been a constant struggle from the start, there were many red flags I ignored. He has a gambling problem which equals mistrust as he has taken money out of the accounts and drained us dry and has lied about money. He is not greedy with money but when he gets low on money he goes crazy trying to win it. Last week he stopped at a bar after work and got drunk came home very late. I get mad and harp and harp "You only love yourself", "I'm tired of being treated like this". I often question him about where he is, what time will he be home. He says I'm jealous and insecure, do I have a right to be a little insecure? I mean I worry about him going to bars behind my back as he has done this several times since we have been together and I had no idea where he was until I went looking for him. Also his going out and playing cards all hours of the night. I need some help here I understand he needs his time, but I do not consider that going to bars and getting smashed.
lacebridal Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I'm sorry you have to go through this. You've been married such a short time. I've been married for 2 years and like yourself, I ignored all the red flags. My H is a chronic liar and I can't live with his sickness. It seems as if your H has an additiction with gambling and possibly alcohol. People with addictions "love only themselves", so he probably doesn't care about how you feel. You have every right to feel insecure and to not trust him. I would have a problem with a guy who stays out all night, whether it be at bars, playing cards, or whatever. He should be home. I would also feel rejected and wonder why, my new H does not want to spend time with me. If your marriage has been a constant struggle from the start, it's not going to miraculously get better on its own. If he's agreeable to marriage counseling, I would start with that. Also, it might be beneficial if you did individual counseling for yourself, especially to address the issue as to why you've never had a good relationship and why you are attracted to certain men; men who can't commit. It sounds like he is "only in love with himself" and he is not ready for a real commitment.
Author abandk03 Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 Thank you for your reply. I guess I wanted to hope that I was more important. I married him because I did not want to lose him but it seems that it has gotten worse since we got married. He does only love himself and I have told him that. I have made him my whole world, he has made me last.
yume Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 You've just legally binded yourself to someone who is clearly mentally, emotionally and financially unstable. Why did you marry him if this behaviour has been going on for so long? Yeah, you love him, but when it comes down to it...you have to love yourself more.
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