monkeymaid Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 how do you guys handle when you are inbetween the sad emotions and the relief emotions. ..im in a sort of limbo state atm, and i cant seem to find anything to break my little state. its as if ive hit a plateau in my healing and i feel stuck. its like i am ready to be excited , yet i cant seem to find the motivation to do anything ...social i guess. kind of like i think about how dumb she is, then think about how awesome i am , but am stuck from BEING the awesome guy i always was. dont get me wrong, i hang out with friends, but i am rendered motionless when it comes to expanding my social circle and just getting out there for the pure fun of it. i dont know if im making any sense, but if you guys could chime in, im all ears and would really appreciate it. im feeling very blah
haushy14 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 When healing you dont always have to expand your horizons! Sometimes when you've dated somebody for X amount of time, you forget about some of the things that you used to do before that person. It doesnt always have to be socially, either. But if it did sometimes just going out for a beer with the guys with no goal of finding a woman is always helpful, like it is for me to just go out shopping with the girls. You dont always have to do new things, because its already new to end a relationship. And nobody says you have to be excited either Its your recovery and you do whatever makes you feel excited, be it collecting horse pictures to doing extreme bike riding! haha It doesnt matter HOW you get the outcome, its about getting the RIGHT outcome. And being excited about LIFE, not being single I hope this helped, and good luck!
teanoranges Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 You're doing good. I'm in the same place as you and have been there for a couple of months... 2 months in I started feeling it and its been maybe 2 months of this 'inbetween' I'm about to seriously 'jump' into life soon... and really excited. It'll just hit you one day, slowly... you won't really notice... but you will.
GrayClouds Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 (edited) how do you guys handle when you are inbetween the sad emotions and the relief emotions. ..im in a sort of limbo state atm, and i cant seem to find anything to break my little state. its as if ive hit a plateau in my healing and i feel stuck. its like i am ready to be excited , yet i cant seem to find the motivation to do anything ...social i guess. kind of like i think about how dumb she is, then think about how awesome i am , but am stuck from BEING the awesome guy i always was. dont get me wrong, i hang out with friends, but i am rendered motionless when it comes to expanding my social circle and just getting out there for the pure fun of it. i dont know if im making any sense, but if you guys could chime in, im all ears and would really appreciate it. im feeling very blah been there done that, breath and go back to what works: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t223664/100742d6383673ea61487eb731a678a3 Or how about this GC golden oldy: Recalcitrant Inlightenment?????? I was reading through some threads, one in particular. Like many on this side of the river of tears, it is another golden old heartbreak hymn. It runs for more then double digit pages where other original poster show little real healing throughout the thread. I thought about some of my own threads. In essences, they consist of a combination of cathartic cleansing of grief, muddling in misery, and some good old self indigent poor poor pitiful me. These threads were wonderfully meet with understanding and grace by some surprisingly supportive strangers. But most of them show very little healing happen too. They were also met with a few slams in the nutsack, smack on the head velvet hammers of honesty challenging me to let it go and move on. I want to buy just can't find the way. I think might be understanding why? (this is where I bring it all home, thanks for your patient) We know the hurt, we don't know the other side of the healing so we hold on to what we know. Subconsciously, we feel if we wait in pain long enough it will be reward with something good. If we give it up we wont get the treat that we deserve for our effort. While occasionally a good thing happens while we are in this state, like an EX come back. But that is despite the pain not because of it. Often we just extend the pain and we are left to wish, hoping and hurting. In reality the vast majority of the time we don't get our just treat for holding on to the hurt. Good things do not happen for it. On the flip side. everyone who has let go of it has had good things happen. It can be that the EX came back, more likely something even better. There is no real rewards for holding on to the hurt, even if everything internal is telling us differently. I think I am on to something...or maybe I am just on something:rolleyes: Edited April 10, 2010 by GrayClouds
Author monkeymaid Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 haushy, i have been doing all of those things. ...ive gotten back into my hobby addiction, which includes extreme biking (mountain biking), surfing, trail running, parkour, and self improvement (yes its a hobby). ...its time to jump into expanding my social life once again, and i am rendered motionless atm. ...do you collect horse pics btw?? http://www.guzer.com/pictures/animal_scares_boy.jpg oranges, its time to take the leap. ive been feeling this for 2 days, and im already antsy. you keep me updated on how your leap of faith is going k. ..im supremely interested as it sounds like we are in a similar spot sonofabitch!! cloud strikes again! dude, where the hell did you come from? im thinking seriously about helping you with that diesel swap! im still going in and out of all of the emotions, but for a few days, i have been mostly smiley. ...tonight, and last night (night thing??) i havee been itching to do crazy ****, i just cant find the motivation to actually act. ...midnight surf session, watering hole hunting, a little physical graffitti in a most populated area, i used to do these things for shiets and giggles. i suspect ill get back to it in the next few weeks. i picked up a new book. ...ive downed 4 books in the last 2 weeks "the way of the superior man" "the journet from abandonment to healing" "psych-cybernetics" "no more mr nice guy" and am currently reading "pulling your own strings" any other recommendations while im on a self help book kick?? ive got "co-conscious loving" lined up as well, but its more of an in-relationship type of book (the ex and i agreed to read it, but we split before we both could, so...) im also reading 2 text books. ...1 about biopsychology, and another about the statistics of psychological experiments. . ...my last 2 classes for junior - college!! woot (what i started late)
haushy14 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 haushy, i have been doing all of those things. ...ive gotten back into my hobby addiction, which includes extreme biking (mountain biking), surfing, trail running, parkour, and self improvement (yes its a hobby). ...its time to jump into expanding my social life once again, and i am rendered motionless atm. ...do you collect horse pics btw?? http://www.guzer.com/pictures/animal_scares_boy.jpg hahaha that pic is too funny! Actually, no i dont It was a compleatly random thought that came to my mind. But ok, I got cha now. Maybe in order to expand all of those horizons and to join a team of people who do all the same things as you do, like a bike club and stuff you actually meet a lot of people that way! Just sayin
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