thats what i said Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I've been seeing my current boyfriend for about four months now and it started going downhill in the last month. But, I'll back up a little and give a brief story of the beginning: When we first started dating, I thought he was excellent friend material. He was polite, he had manners, he had similar life values that I did and seemed to have similar goals and frame of mind that I did. I decided to keep seeing him because I figured any good relationship requires a good friendship... Anyway, he basically seemed to want to do a lot of what I wanted to do. One of those things being going out and doing different things and new things and having fun and traveling, etc. Basically actually living life to the fullest... And the dates we went out on at first seemed to be exactly that - he'd invite me out snowboarding (we never did go), we'd go ice skating, comedy clubs, pack picnics, etc, etc. I was amazed at his creativity. After about a month I was sure I wanted to marry him. But then the creativity slowed down and eventually stopped altogether. He'd want to come to my house and hang out or would ask me to come to his and hang out. It's near impossible to hold any kind of conversation with him when I'm in his vicinity without him trying to turn it into an opportunity for a full on makeout session, if not trying to get me in bed. Even on the phone it's frustrating because the conversation is completely dull and monotonous. To top it off, he's either very guarded or has no skeletons or deep personal feelings whatsoever because even after 4 months, I still don't know him at all. I don't know what to do. He's definitely a keeper but I don't know if he's a keeper for me...
mendsley Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I would recommend talking to him. I would say you are in the beginning of a relationship and if you look at most failed reltionships, communication if the number one factor. Do not try to read his mind or come up with your own idea on what is going on, just simply ask him. Communication is never directed towards one person, you need to tell him how you feel as well. Make sure he knows what you like, what has been fun, what you expect, and set boundries. I would say if he cannot respect you than decide from there what you are going to do Good luck!
mrt336 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I've been seeing my current boyfriend for about four months now and it started going downhill in the last month. But, I'll back up a little and give a brief story of the beginning: When we first started dating, I thought he was excellent friend material. He was polite, he had manners, he had similar life values that I did and seemed to have similar goals and frame of mind that I did. I decided to keep seeing him because I figured any good relationship requires a good friendship... Anyway, he basically seemed to want to do a lot of what I wanted to do. One of those things being going out and doing different things and new things and having fun and traveling, etc. Basically actually living life to the fullest... And the dates we went out on at first seemed to be exactly that - he'd invite me out snowboarding (we never did go), we'd go ice skating, comedy clubs, pack picnics, etc, etc. I was amazed at his creativity. After about a month I was sure I wanted to marry him. But then the creativity slowed down and eventually stopped altogether. He'd want to come to my house and hang out or would ask me to come to his and hang out. It's near impossible to hold any kind of conversation with him when I'm in his vicinity without him trying to turn it into an opportunity for a full on makeout session, if not trying to get me in bed. Even on the phone it's frustrating because the conversation is completely dull and monotonous. To top it off, he's either very guarded or has no skeletons or deep personal feelings whatsoever because even after 4 months, I still don't know him at all. I don't know what to do. He's definitely a keeper but I don't know if he's a keeper for me... How dare he try to have sex with his girlfriend who he finds extremely attractive. Break up with him asap! Seriously though, lower your expectations. Not every date can be an adventure. Hell, it doesn't even sound like there's much left he can reasonably do that hasn't been done already. Think about this: He's put in a lot of time and effort planning those dates and making them happen. What have YOU done for the beginning of the relationship other than "be present?" Maybe he's getting bored with you just like you're getting bored.
You'reasian Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I've been seeing my current boyfriend for about four months now and it started going downhill in the last month. But, I'll back up a little and give a brief story of the beginning: When we first started dating, I thought he was excellent friend material. He was polite, he had manners, he had similar life values that I did and seemed to have similar goals and frame of mind that I did. I decided to keep seeing him because I figured any good relationship requires a good friendship... Anyway, he basically seemed to want to do a lot of what I wanted to do. One of those things being going out and doing different things and new things and having fun and traveling, etc. Basically actually living life to the fullest... And the dates we went out on at first seemed to be exactly that - he'd invite me out snowboarding (we never did go), we'd go ice skating, comedy clubs, pack picnics, etc, etc. I was amazed at his creativity. After about a month I was sure I wanted to marry him. But then the creativity slowed down and eventually stopped altogether. He'd want to come to my house and hang out or would ask me to come to his and hang out. It's near impossible to hold any kind of conversation with him when I'm in his vicinity without him trying to turn it into an opportunity for a full on makeout session, if not trying to get me in bed. Even on the phone it's frustrating because the conversation is completely dull and monotonous. To top it off, he's either very guarded or has no skeletons or deep personal feelings whatsoever because even after 4 months, I still don't know him at all. I don't know what to do. He's definitely a keeper but I don't know if he's a keeper for me... Time apart is good. If you spend too much time together, you get stuck in a rut.
sagetalk Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 This may shock you, but all those guys who come up with lots of unique dates like that are almost always just trying to get into your pants. No normal guys who just want to be with you do stuff like that. It's all for show to get you to have lots of sex. No one can keep that pace up for a long term relationship and they know it. But for short term sex, it's easy as pie.
Author thats what i said Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 Well, I know I bring a lot to the table. But maybe I don't bring as much as I think I do since things are where they are right now. Recently he did notice that things were a little different between us and he did mention it and asked me if everything was okay between us and immediately followed it with "because I really like you a lot and I hope everything is okay with us". And of course I know that not every date can be different and adventurous but some of the things that I want to do, like go to Europe, he doesn't want to do. Well, he does, but not for a long, long time. But things like that are really important to me... Am I being too unreasonable though? I mean, it has only been 4 months.
sagetalk Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 And of course I know that not every date can be different and adventurous but some of the things that I want to do, like go to Europe, he doesn't want to do. Well, he does, but not for a long, long time. But things like that are really important to me... Am I being too unreasonable though? I mean, it has only been 4 months. Yes, you are. Going to Europe costs a fortune. Unless his dad is Daddy Warbucks it's kinda hard to globe-trot the world. You have very strange expectations for men. If you want to travel, then travel with your own money. Then when it's out of your system, go find a guy. I don't see how traveling is a deal breaker unless you just want a guy that's loaded with money. I have found that a girl saying a guy must like traveling is often code talk for, "I like rich guys". If you want a guy that's rich just say it (if that's what you want, I won't fault you), but most most regular guys can't just go to Europe for a longtime. They have to live in reality. They may say, "No, I don't want to", because it sounds better than, "I can't afford to".
spookie Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 its unreasonable to expect anyone to keep surprising you with new adventures long-term. if you want adventure, how about planning it yourself and asking him to come along? it sounds like you are past the dating and your relationship is settling into the normal mundane. if you dont enjoy doing nothing with this guy imo hes not the right person for you.
123BeachFan Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Make your own adventures, and fulfill those needs on your own. It was great that he woo'd you with creative dates, but come on now. He can't keep that sort of pace up, can he? The energy, time, and money it takes, yikes! If you want to be action-packed, do it on your own time. If your main attraction to him was the entertainment factor, then you are doing both of you a disservice. Surely he has more going for him than being your Events Coordinator. Don't you think? As far as travel, yes it's too much to ask a BF of 4 months to plan long term trips with you. If you want to tour around Europe, plan on going by yourself, and save for your own trip. It is way too early in the relationship to ask this of him. As far as him opening up to you, maybe you can approach by consciously trying to get to know the real him through conversations while you're at his place or he's at yours. If you are put off by him wanting sex when you get together, talk to him about what you think is a reasonable frequency of sex.
Author thats what i said Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 Lol, I know he's not rich. I insist on paying for half the dates anyway. But maybe I have a different way of looking at money than he does which is why it's not a big deal to me to save up for a trip. I guess I wanted him to go with me because it's europe! Things... happen and I guess I'd feel better if he were there with me. Oh wow... I just realized I don't even trust myself.
Rorschach Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Lol, I know he's not rich. I insist on paying for half the dates anyway. But maybe I have a different way of looking at money than he does which is why it's not a big deal to me to save up for a trip. I guess I wanted him to go with me because it's europe! Things... happen and I guess I'd feel better if he were there with me. Oh wow... I just realized I don't even trust myself. I have no relationship advice but I work as a financial planner, and two personality types that often attract each other are on opposite ends of the money spectrum, one can spend everything they get and the other will save every penny. The truth is these two can surprisingly get along very well but if he's saying he doesn't want to go it MIGHT just be a money issue, I wouldn't assume anything else without talking to him. As a guy I'd love it if my girlfriend would just come up to me and say what she was thinking.
malika Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I think when going into a relationship, it's important to realize that at some point there will be an element of "routine" or what some consider "boring." But it's about loving the person enough inside that keeps it fresh and interesting no matter what you're doing for entertainment. You sound like an intelligent and adventurous person who probably needs your independence for the time being. It's hard being with someone who one can't intellectual connect with, but I agree you should try opening the channels of communication. And I don't think traveling to Europe is that expensive, as long as it's on top of the list when it comes to savings, as previously mentioned. I know many people who are by no means rich and travel to Europe once or twice a year.
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