Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 ^^ makes perfect sense. Sam Worthington's character in Avatar, he was crippled and in a wheelchair. However, his character was very attractive both on the inside and out. Granted, I was first drawn to him by his looks but not so much in a purely physical sense but more so the expressions upon his face. He appeared deep in thought, humble and genuine. And his actions throughout the film just made him shine. You're right, he is a handsome man I think (...and hope) lately the media have started portraying disabled people in a more positive light. Avatar, House hell even Family Guy on occasion Whereas in the past, we were shown in a negative light. Always bitter and angry... Maybe I should get a cane and change my last name to House (and my first name, why not? )
You'reasian Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 (edited) I walk with kind of a waddle or a sway, much like a penguin. What a coincidence; so do I. Saw that you're a runner in your first post. After completing a recent marathon, I started doing speed work (interval training) with some guys who are sub 6:00 pace runners when it comes to half-marathons and under. We ran pretty hard last week, I just tried to keep up... Legs are hurting from that, so I'm kind of walking uneasy - like a penguine who has crapped himself Well, how else do these women find out you've got CP? Edited April 10, 2010 by You'reasian
CLC2008 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 You're right, he is a handsome man I think (...and hope) lately the media have started portraying disabled people in a more positive light. Avatar, House hell even Family Guy on occasion Whereas in the past, we were shown in a negative light. Always bitter and angry... Maybe I should get a cane and change my last name to House (and my first name, why not? ) That would make your name "House House".
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 I have to question anyone that quotes their IQ as well. Not many people take IQ measurements seriously, and anyone who throws it out there is a bit too full of themselves, or overcompensating. To believe intelligence can be measured in a standard IQ test, or that it's a fixed number is asinine. IQ is only an attempt to measure a person's intellect and while I do a agree that intelligence is more that just a number, I am very proud of my IQ and had only mentioned it because I feel that it's a decent quality of mine.
zebracolors Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Chiming in here if you don't mind? I know this is rather personal about me, but I feel it's sort of relevant. My mother has CP, plus she also started to become hearing impared at a very young age. So I grew up living with someone close who has disabilities. I agree with the reasons listed already as to why a woman might shy away from a man with disabilities. I admit I don't know how I would deal with a situation like that, but it would be a bridge to cross if I ever came to it. So, I am not saying that I would never date a disabled guy, I just simply have not ever met one yet with whom I am interested in getting to know more.
carhill Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Of the 206 unread messages, pick the ten most recent and closest geographically and respond to them. In the process, you will learn something about yourself and *your* preferences. That's instructive. A compatible woman for you will be for *you*, not you in spite of your disability. Get started today
You'reasian Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 (edited) Vampyer, I like you, cannot dance for the life of me. I went out once with some friends once and the music started. Well, everyone went out on the dance floor and started kind of pairing up. Guys were taking girls all over the dance floor, doing all kinds of dances and I tried to go out there... It was like I had not only two, but THREE left feet... I know that sounds kinda funny, but if you saw me dance, you would understand! Only a three-footed person could screw up dancing worse than me, but I'm sure the others had a good laugh at my expense So don't feel so bad Edited April 10, 2010 by You'reasian
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 What a coincidence; so do I. Saw that you're a runner in your first post. After completing a recent marathon, I started doing speed work (interval training) with some guys who are sub 6:00 pace runners when it comes to half-marathons and under. We ran pretty hard last week, I just tried to keep up... Legs are hurting from that, so I'm kind of walking uneasy - like a penguine who has crapped himself Well, how else do these women find out you've got CP? When I say I can run, I mean in general. It's not one of my hobbies or anything They find out because they ask why I walk they way I do and rather than lie and tell them something cool and heroic like 'I got shot on a tour of Iraq' I tell them the truth. Any relationship founded on a lie, romantic or otherwise, will eventually crumble into dust. I can't tell them the whole truth either because then any relationship from then on would be built on sadness. Doesn't usually get that far though
You'reasian Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 When I say I can run, I mean in general. It's not one of my hobbies or anything They find out because they ask why I walk they way I do and rather than lie and tell them something cool and heroic like 'I got shot on a tour of Iraq' I tell them the truth. Any relationship founded on a lie, romantic or otherwise, will eventually crumble into dust. I can't tell them the whole truth either because then any relationship from then on would be built on sadness. Doesn't usually get that far though Gotcha. What do you mean by whole truth?
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 Gotcha. What do you mean by whole truth? My disability was caused by hospital negligence. Utter stupidity, at the hands of several people. I'd rather not go into the exact details if you don't mind We sued, I got a dump truck full of money (a lot of which goes on private healthcare. Things like operations, physiotherapy, my chiropractor) and strangely enough, girls (...not all) don't seem to mind my disability when they're sitting by my pool. (I don't know why I have a pool, I can't swim ) Funny story: I met a girl who, after a couple of days getting to know each other, had said that it would be better if we were friends. That's perfectly fine A few weeks later after my brother and her got talking, she had discovered that I had money. She broke into my house (God only knows how she found it) started cooking me dinner and when my housekeeper came over, she hit her in the face with a hot frying pan. Ok, not so funny really...
eraser Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 To meet a good girl, one of the first things you need to do is keep your money on the down low.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 It's been proven that the most successful relationships are ones in which the people have similar background, education, upbringing, and worldview. Makes perfect sense. I would imagine this also applies to disabilities. A non-disabled person is very unlikely to able to truly understand and relate to what you go through. I would encourage you to date women with the same condition as you. They're the least likely to judge you for it, and the most likely to relate to you very well and love you for who you are.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 My disability was caused by hospital negligence. Utter stupidity, at the hands of several people. I'd rather not go into the exact details if you don't mind We sued, I got a dump truck full of money (a lot of which goes on private healthcare. Things like operations, physiotherapy, my chiropractor) and strangely enough, girls (...not all) don't seem to mind my disability when they're sitting by my pool. (I don't know why I have a pool, I can't swim ) Funny story: I met a girl who, after a couple of days getting to know each other, had said that it would be better if we were friends. That's perfectly fine A few weeks later after my brother and her got talking, she had discovered that I had money. She broke into my house (God only knows how she found it) started cooking me dinner and when my housekeeper came over, she hit her in the face with a hot frying pan. Ok, not so funny really... WtF? holy cow! I for one do not have the "disability barrier." I worked for a blind student at the University for four years and the first year I had a crush on him. I actually find some disabilities a bit of a turn-on. Both my brother and sister are disabled (no, I don't find them a turn-on) and I notice that people are constantly underestimating them. I think the turn-on factor comes from perhaps finding someone intelligent enough to adapt to circumstances. Most people see a disability as a huge limiter and think that "those people" are going to be a burden or have to be constantly provided for. Most of the disabled people that I know were at the University studying higher-end programs because they knew they would have to reach higher in order to be as sucessful. The humor of most of these people was very pleasant too. The dark laughter at the ridiculous way the world sees them. Often when I would take cabs or go out with the student that I worked for, people would talk to him like he was slow, or talk louder to him like he was deaf. LOL One time an owner of a store wouldn't allow him in with his guide dog. Here was this guy with a Master's in Military and Strategic Studies and he couldn't even get into a store to use a stupid ATM Machine. People are so dumb.
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 It's been proven that the most successful relationships are ones in which the people have similar background, education, upbringing, and worldview. Makes perfect sense. I would imagine this also applies to disabilities. A non-disabled person is very unlikely to able to truly understand and relate to what you go through. I would encourage you to date women with the same condition as you. They're the least likely to judge you for it, and the most likely to relate to you very well and love you for who you are. I agree with half of what you said but then you suggest that I focus my attention on girls that are also disabled. While your point is logical, would you use that same logic for black people, Jewish people or any other group of people?
Jersey Shortie Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Ruby, I usually agree with you but I do disagree with him only looking for women that have disabilities, although he shouldn't rule it out either. Or that the most successful relationships are those with people that are similar in background, education and upbringing. We usually learn the most from people that are different from us. I do agree that you need similar morals. We all assess each other on looks to some degree, physical comes before mental attraction. If I saw a girl sitting by herself in a bar or where ever and I went over to talk to her. I wouldn't abort the mission as it were just because she told me she had a disability. She'd still be that same person I wanted to talk to, regardless of any disability. That's because you have a disability. If you didn't, you might not think the same way. I still think it's the kind of women you are going for. Also, I hope you don't try to joke with them about your disability early on by saying you look like a penguin that crapped themselves. Jokeing is great, being light-hearted at times about your disability is great too. But it boarders less on self depricating and more on self-mockery.
Author LastVampyer Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 That's because you have a disability. If you didn't, you might not think the same way. I still think it's the kind of women you are going for. Also, I hope you don't try to joke with them about your disability early on by saying you look like a penguin that crapped themselves. Jokeing is great, being light-hearted at times about your disability is great too. But it boarders less on self depricating and more on self-mockery. It's pointless saying if I didn't have a disability, I would think differently. Of course I would but the fact is I am disabled and nothing will ever change that. I agree with you on the kind of women I need to meet. I have met some really nice, intelligent women but they are all taken maybe it's time to re-think my strategy. Also, I was thinking of the way in which I deliver it. Should I tell the girl I have a disability straight out or not? Although it could backfire later on...
eraser Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Women are very eugenic compared to men. Are you sure about that? I don't want this to turn into one of those lame sex-war threads. But, seriously?
Jersey Shortie Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 It's pointless saying if I didn't have a disability, I would think differently. Of course I would but the fact is I am disabled and nothing will ever change that. It's not pointless when you say things like: "If I saw a girl sitting by herself in a bar or where ever and I went over to talk to her. I wouldn't abort the mission as it were just because she told me she had a disability." You make the assumption that because you don't judge on disability, that you can't understand why others do. All I am saying is if you didn't have it, and you were as good looking a guy as you say, you most likely would view it different and wouldn't even consider girls with disabilities. The reason for saying this is to give you the perspective of someone that doesn't have a disability. I agree with you on the kind of women I need to meet. I have met some really nice, intelligent women but they are all taken maybe it's time to re-think my strategy. Also, I was thinking of the way in which I deliver it. Should I tell the girl I have a disability straight out or not? Although it could backfire later on... Well, it's tricky. I am not one to think that everyone needs to know everthing about you the second they meet you. We all have things we are shy with or keep close to our hearts. Just because yours can be more visable, doesn't mean you should feel like you *have* to share information. No one has a right to it. However, people will judge you on it. I guess it depends on the environment you meet them in. If you are meeting them online, then you should be upfront and light-hearted of it. Don't make it a bigger deal then it needs to be and they might not either. If you are just meeting someone in public, they don't have a right to any information you might not want to share. Maybe it's best to get invovled in some kind of group that you see regularly where you can get to know the women in the group and they can get to know you, and you can take it from there. It might take off the shock of the disability if they get comfy with you first.
norajane Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I would be lying if I said looks weren't a factor, but they're not a main factor for me. If a girl is say, 10 in the looks department and 2 in the intellect department it's quite obvious that it is not going to work out. If a girl is 6 in the looks department but a 9 in terms of intellect, then there's a chance provided she's willing to accept me for who I am. We all assess each other on looks to some degree, physical comes before mental attraction. If I saw a girl sitting by herself in a bar or where ever and I went over to talk to her. I wouldn't abort the mission as it were just because she told me she had a disability. She'd still be that same person I wanted to talk to, regardless of any disability. So you don't use disability as a filter, but you do choose based on looks and intelligence. Those are your filters. Other people do have disability as a filter. Along with height, weight, great teeth, age, baldness, money, etc. It shouldn't be hard to understand that if, given a choice, people choose for what they want and don't want and you can't tell anyone they are right or wrong about their subjective preferences. Well, you can, but it won't do any good. They're not suddenly going to be attracted to bald short guys or fat women with bad teeth just because you say they should be looking at what's on the inside.
carhill Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 So, OP, any responses from those ten messages you sent? Masticating on this issue isn't going to help you get laid or have a meaningful relationship. Own your perspective, your disability and go find a compatible woman. It's really as simple as that. Or be alone. Nothing wrong with that either.
Author LastVampyer Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 I see your point, very well argued I must say It is hard to see from the perspective of others I guess, seeing as how you can never truly understand unless you've been through similar circumstances.
Author LastVampyer Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 So you don't use disability as a filter, but you do choose based on looks and intelligence. Those are your filters. Other people do have disability as a filter. Along with height, weight, great teeth, age, baldness, money, etc. It shouldn't be hard to understand that if, given a choice, people choose for what they want and don't want and you can't tell anyone they are right or wrong about their subjective preferences. Well, you can, but it won't do any good. They're not suddenly going to be attracted to bald short guys or fat women with bad teeth just because you say they should be looking at what's on the inside. What I don't understand is the hypocrisy regarding this subject. People say it's what is on the inside that counts (we're told that at a young age and it's all over pop-culture) and yet most people do the complete opposite. 'Practice what you preach' <<< if more people did that, then we'd all be happier.
Author LastVampyer Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 So, OP, any responses from those ten messages you sent? Masticating on this issue isn't going to help you get laid or have a meaningful relationship. Own your perspective, your disability and go find a compatible woman. It's really as simple as that. Or be alone. Nothing wrong with that either. I'll keep you posted
norajane Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 What I don't understand is the hypocrisy regarding this subject. People say it's what is on the inside that counts (we're told that at a young age and it's all over pop-culture) and yet most people do the complete opposite. 'Practice what you preach' <<< if more people did that, then we'd all be happier. What's on the inside counts when it comes to the quality of the relationship. But there has to be some kind of physical attraction in order to get to the point of starting a relationship. What's on the inside can diminish an initial physical attraction, or enhance it. But there has to be something to start with. And physical attraction isn't something people can dictate or control.
carhill Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 OP, at your age, I fought this battle. The outcome was accepting that people who focus on different criteria for what is 'attractive' or 'desirable' or 'relationship material' from myself are simply incompatible. They live their lives and I mine and both paths are valid. No animals are harmed and no crimes are committed. Trust me, the less time you focus on fighting this and the more time you focus on identifying and pursuing compatible potentials, the more fulfilling and pleasant the interpersonal relationship world will be for you.
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