LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Hey Everyone, I have a question for the ladies here (but feel free to join in if you're a guy too), Why, in the 21st century, is it still considered 'taboo' to date or even be seen in public with a disabled person? As you may have guessed, I am disabled. I have Cerebral Palsy (caused by hospital negligence) which means that I walk like a penguin thats just crapped his pants. If we were sitting in a room talking, you wouldn't even notice. I can walk, run, climb, I have reached instructor level status in THREE different martial arts styles... I'm well educated and have an IQ of 175 and a Master's Degree from Cambridge University, I'm confident, witty, charming, funny and we haven't even got to my looks yet! Body-wise, I'm in great physical condition (barring the disability )! I have fantastic abs, a decent smile... I don't want to toot my own horn (...too late, beep beep!) but I'm a handsome guy! ...and still, whenever I meet a girl, the mere mention of my disability sends her running the other way! Example: I was in a local night club where I saw this beautiful girl, her name was Delta I asked her to dance (...even though I can't dance ) so, we have fun and a giggle at my awful dancing then on the way to the bar she asks me if I'm ok. She'd thought I was drunk but when I told her I was disabled, she vanished like a sexy ninja... This kind of stuff happens ALL THE TIME! So, I just wanted to ask the ladies here... why is it such a problem for you? Before you answer, please don't spout that pre-packaged Madison Avenue crap about how it's what's on the inside that counts, it's BS. You know it, I know it and if it were true I wouldn't be on a forum asking for help Thanks,
quankanne Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 what is on the inside really does count ... and it's evident in the responses you get from these women who are either too insecure or too hung up on "packaging" to allow themselves to dig a little deeper below the surface to see just the kind of person you truly are. at which point, I'll be the boring old lady and point out, you'll throw back a lot of fish before you find the ideal catch – someone who isn't shallow or insecure and who understands that all that other stuff is just the wrapping, that the *real* gift is inside
norajane Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Honestly? Because it makes them uncomfortable. And given a choice, most will choose the package that isn't visibly damaged. I'm not saying you are damaged, but you asked why women turn away and that's why. At the same time, there are lots of people who are not disabled and look fine and have some smarts, and they get turned down, too. Read here for a while, and you'll see that lots of people have trouble finding love. And, at the same time, there are plenty of people with disabilities who do find love. You'll find one. Just probably not via online dating or at bars. Most likely it will be someone who gets to know you as a person in some arena of your life that's not part of the "dating world". It will be someone at work, or in your martial arts class, or elsewhere where the meeting and choosing isn't about fleeting and superficial impressions.
SouthernSunshine Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Hmmm.. I wouldn't let a disability get in the way of me getting to know someone. In fact, I was really good friends with a guy who was paralyzed from the chest down. I'll admit tho.. he creeped me out when we were going to fool around one time. I got so scared I almost got sick! I backed out, and never called him again b/c I was so embarrassed for leading him on. Cerebral Palsy? No, I wouldn't be creeped out at all by that.
eraser Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Before you answer, please don't spout that pre-packaged Madison Avenue crap about how it's what's on the inside that counts, it's BS. You know it, I know it and if it were true I wouldn't be on a forum asking for help It is what's on the inside that counts. I, honestly, don't really think I pay attention to what's on the outside so much. I once had a crush on someone who was in a wheelchair due to a neurological disease. Another time, I had a crush on a guy who was short and 250+ lbs. They were either really interesting or had great personalities. Maybe your condition is helping you weed out all the superficial weirdos who refuse to see anything but the outside of a person. Whenever you feel down about it, just remember that those women who rejected you will one day get old and wrinkly...and they'll still be ugly on the inside.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I also had a crush on a guy in a wheelchair once. So I don't consider a disability a turn off but it does add an extra questoin to the equation. A good friend of mine married her guy and he has MS. Sometimes he had to use a wheelchair but they have three great little boys and she loves him very much. What strikes me more is the type of girl you are going for. Not that you can't find good girls at clubs but there is a certain mentality that goes with people that like to club alot. They like the flash, they like the pretense. Where else have you tried dating women?
Engadget Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 My ex was nearly deaf, and almost blind. Didn't matter to me one bit, although it made talking difficult at times when I'd forget she couldn't hear me in certain situations and had to repeat myself.
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 See the thing is, the outside of me isn't bad looking not by any means I've even had girls come up to me in Starbucks to give me their number! That's probably because when I'm sitting down you can't tell that there's anything wrong with me. What I don't understand is why most (...and I would have to say 85%) have a problem with it. It's MY problem, I'm the one who has to have all the physiotherapy, I'm the one who has to have the operations, I'm the one who has to live with it. In fact, the only way I can get most girls to take notice of me is through my wallet. (A tip for the guys, if you go to Paris or Stockholm and flash your cash around, you can get a girl in 14 seconds) ...but here's the thing. I need more than that, I need an emotional connection! p.s. I meet girls everywhere really, Clubs, Bars, Museums, Hobbies and of course online I have 206 unread messages on my Match.com account. Why are they unread? Well, I know that as soon as those ladies learn of my disability, I won't hear from them again
eraser Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 What I don't understand is why most (...and I would have to say 85%) have a problem with it. It's MY problem, I'm the one who has to have all the physiotherapy, I'm the one who has to have the operations, I'm the one who has to live with it. There could be a lot of reason for it, really. There could be girls who don't know how to approach a guy once they know he has a disability (granted, there shouldn't really be a difference, but to many people, the rules at least have a possibility of changing...). There might be girls who feel intimidated because they've never dealt with a love interest who had a disability. Then, there could be girls who are just shallow bees. All you can really do is exude a LOT of confidence. Let them all know that you have the situation under control. That you don't care whether they accept it or not. That's it's only a small part of who you are. If you do that, people are more likely to respond in kind. You are really fighting against first impressions here. So, you'll have to work at it.
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 I am confident, but it's very difficult to maintain that confidence when you just keep getting rejected time and time again. I'm only 24 and already I'm facing the very real prospect of dying alone in an armchair and being found by my Spanish-speaking maid, Rosa
norajane Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 What I don't understand is why most (...and I would have to say 85%) have a problem with it. It's MY problem, I'm the one who has to have all the physiotherapy, I'm the one who has to have the operations, I'm the one who has to live with it.But the woman will have to make accommodations as well. She will have to live with you living with it. And most choose not to, if given the choice. Do YOU go out with women with disabilities? Would you choose the women who might be a 6 or 7 instead of the 9 or 10, given a choice? As I said earlier, there are many, many people who have trouble finding love or even someone to date who have no disabilities and are decent and attractive people. Everyone has to deal with much rejection until they find someone who appreciates them for who they are.
eraser Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I am confident, but it's very difficult to maintain that confidence when you just keep getting rejected time and time again. Then, you need to turn it up a notch. Women can sense even the slightest bit of self-doubt. Try boosting your confidence to a level that is bordering on arrogance- "bordering" being the keyword. Don't be a d-bag or anything, but let these women know that you are the sh*t and it's up to them to figure out why. I'm only 24 and already I'm facing the very real prospect of dying alone in an armchair and being found by my Spanish-speaking maid, Rosa Haha. Well, if you keep frequenting clubs...you might. Seriously, clubs aren't exactly the greatest places to form respectful relationships and deep, emotional bonds. They are meat markets. Let me ask you this: do you demand perfect love interests? Like, model-"perfect"? I know a lot of guys who do that and they can't figure out why they keep getting rejected. And, no, they're not physically disabled...
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 I have dated disabled women in the past after all, I am in no position to judge anyone. If I like you, I'll let you know. I'm not perfect (...but fairly close ) so I don't expect others to be. Maybe I should just get a tattoo on my forehead that reads 'Yes, I am a cripple but my weiner still works!'
You'reasian Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Hey Everyone, I have a question for the ladies here (but feel free to join in if you're a guy too), Why, in the 21st century, is it still considered 'taboo' to date or even be seen in public with a disabled person? As you may have guessed, I am disabled. I have Cerebral Palsy (caused by hospital negligence) which means that I walk like a penguin thats just crapped his pants. If we were sitting in a room talking, you wouldn't even notice. I can walk, run, climb, I have reached instructor level status in THREE different martial arts styles... I'm well educated and have an IQ of 175 and a Master's Degree from Cambridge University, I'm confident, witty, charming, funny and we haven't even got to my looks yet! Body-wise, I'm in great physical condition (barring the disability )! I have fantastic abs, a decent smile... I don't want to toot my own horn (...too late, beep beep!) but I'm a handsome guy! ...and still, whenever I meet a girl, the mere mention of my disability sends her running the other way! Example: I was in a local night club where I saw this beautiful girl, her name was Delta I asked her to dance (...even though I can't dance ) so, we have fun and a giggle at my awful dancing then on the way to the bar she asks me if I'm ok. She'd thought I was drunk but when I told her I was disabled, she vanished like a sexy ninja... This kind of stuff happens ALL THE TIME! So, I just wanted to ask the ladies here... why is it such a problem for you? Before you answer, please don't spout that pre-packaged Madison Avenue crap about how it's what's on the inside that counts, it's BS. You know it, I know it and if it were true I wouldn't be on a forum asking for help Thanks, Check the back of your pants; maybe time to empty because it sounds full....
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 Check the back of your pants; maybe time to empty because it sounds full.... What brings you to that conclusion?
You'reasian Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 What brings you to that conclusion? Your post, of course. Plus your username is childish, no offense.
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 I do apologise, allow me to be more specific. What is it in particular about my post that lead you to your conclusion? You might want to re-think your username before you (try to) insult others for having, in your opinion, a childish username. Especially seeing as how yours isn't the best by any means. Plus your previous post was childish in itself:- 'Check the back of your pants; maybe time to empty because it sounds full....' You (try to) mock someone, who came here to ask for help, with childish remarks then have the audacity to say that they have a childish username. Do you see the hypocrisy here?
Jersey Shortie Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 See the thing is, the outside of me isn't bad looking not by any means I've even had girls come up to me in Starbucks to give me their number! So do you only go for very hot girls then? Maybe that's your issue. You sound a little shallow despite your disability. And you do sound a weird mixture of arrogance and unconfidence. What type of woman do you picture yourself with, I am curious? Both mentally and physically. And yes, you are the one has to live with it but anyone who is with you, will also be living with it. They will be experiencing it differently, but it will still be part of their lives as well. That's not bad or anything, it's just what it is.
CLC2008 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Maybe I should just get a tattoo on my forehead that reads 'Yes, I am a cripple but my weiner still works!' Oh boyeee.
bac Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 There are females who would be OK with disability in a man. But, it is a special preference which is not common in females. If you expect that every beautiful girl at night club has this special preference, you have unrealistic expectations about females.
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 I would be lying if I said looks weren't a factor, but they're not a main factor for me. If a girl is say, 10 in the looks department and 2 in the intellect department it's quite obvious that it is not going to work out. If a girl is 6 in the looks department but a 9 in terms of intellect, then there's a chance provided she's willing to accept me for who I am. We all assess each other on looks to some degree, physical comes before mental attraction. If I saw a girl sitting by herself in a bar or where ever and I went over to talk to her. I wouldn't abort the mission as it were just because she told me she had a disability. She'd still be that same person I wanted to talk to, regardless of any disability.
You'reasian Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 (edited) I do apologise, allow me to be more specific. What is it in particular about my post that lead you to your conclusion? You might want to re-think your username before you (try to) insult others for having, in your opinion, a childish username. Especially seeing as how yours isn't the best by any means. Plus your previous post was childish in itself:- 'Check the back of your pants; maybe time to empty because it sounds full....' You (try to) mock someone, who came here to ask for help, with childish remarks then have the audacity to say that they have a childish username. Do you see the hypocrisy here? My username isn't that great. I agree with you! LOL How do these women find out about your disability? Edited April 10, 2010 by You'reasian
CLC2008 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 ^^ makes perfect sense. Sam Worthington's character in Avatar, he was crippled and in a wheelchair. However, his character was very attractive both on the inside and out. Granted, I was first drawn to him by his looks but not so much in a purely physical sense but more so the expressions upon his face. He appeared deep in thought, humble and genuine. And his actions throughout the film just made him shine.
Author LastVampyer Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 My username isn't that great. I agree with you! LOL How do these women find out about your disability? I walk with kind of a waddle or a sway, much like a penguin.
Engadget Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I have to question anyone that quotes their IQ as well. Not many people take IQ measurements seriously, and anyone who throws it out there is a bit too full of themselves, or overcompensating. To believe intelligence can be measured in a standard IQ test, or that it's a fixed number is asinine.
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