kombucha22 Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 So i'm having a hard time with my current break up. Was with my ex b/f for about 1.5 years off and on. He cheated on me with his ex g/f(who he flew out to cali to see over a 3 day weekend and told me he was going mtn. biking with the guys) and I found numerous emails to women on craigslist, dating sites and myspace. He had his pw on a sticky note on his computer so I snooped. If i didn't snoop I would have never known any of this stuff...believe me it was a total shock when I saw all of this b/c it wasn't like he was talking to just 1 girl. He was trying to talk to/ see many. I gave him more than a million chances. He used to text me all the time and about a week ago it all stopped out of the blue. It's soo weird. Its like I want his attention but I don't want a relationship with him. I'm just feeling really lonely b/c i'm used to my phone going off with text messages from him...Ahhh I sound soo pathetic! Do I have low self esteem that I want such a guy in my life?! Any input would be great! It's been 5 days NC and i'm trying to stay strong and not text him! I don't know why I would want to!?
bluz73 Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I too have low self esteem, why people ask, Im thin attractive smart and easy to get along with, I know it stems from childhood but I'd like to say Its a good thing you snooped now and not after the fact like me. He seemed so trusting in fact the only man I ever trusted whole heartedly and after the bombshell of him meeting someone else and chose a new thing with her, I had his passwords and found out that months before the breakup he was talking and exchanging pics with numerous girls not succeeding until some desparte 18 year old he is 31 comes along and gives him the attention he was seeking. I was devastated from the breakup then to find out he was cheating for awhile. Since he cut off email and changed his cell num and threw me away like I didnt exist, I had noway of confronting him, and I its been 6 months and Im still having my anger moments and down days, not wanting him back just cause he betrayed me and hurt me beyond anyone ever in my life. I say for you you deserve better than this and now you know what you know just walk away as hard as it may be cause I wish I would have snooped in the 6 years we were together and then I could have threw him away before he had the chance. Good Luck!
EmperorR Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 (edited) Yes exs are addictions, my ex fiancé cheated on me gave me a STD, had a abortion behind my back, left me in debt. Yet at the time I wanted nothing more than to be with her to be given another chance. But I overcame that took me almost a year and some what. The first few days weeks months are hard but it gets better, just remember odd are they aren't thinking of you. I know all aboutthe loneliness that's the one thing everyone hates, seeing talking to someone every day to just having yourself now, Were here for you on ls Edited April 9, 2010 by EmperorR
Tamia78 Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 A wise person on here told me to list the things I didn't like about my ex. When I did, I started to remember why I was so miserable in my relationship with him. I have to read and re-read it a million times to remember that. I feel like I want him back, but I think it's mostly lonliness. We talked every day for hours, texted everyday all day, and now.............nothing. I mean I call my friends and all, but nothing like when I was with him. I am slowly getting better, and eventually you will too. It just takes alot of time. Try to spend time with your friends, that's one thing that helped me alot. Do something that will take your mind off him, even if it's only for 30 seconds. It will get better, I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it will. Please if you can, try to continue with NC. It'll be the best thing for you. --T
Author kombucha22 Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 Thank you all for the responses! it's nice to know i'm not the only one going through this and your words of wisdom are very helpful! Even though there are millions of people going through what i am(we are) right now after a break up it always feels like i'm the only one. crazyy. But you are all right. It just takes time. i just hope this takes less time than more!
Author kombucha22 Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 I too have low self esteem, why people ask, Im thin attractive smart and easy to get along with, I know it stems from childhood but I'd like to say Its a good thing you snooped now and not after the fact like me. He seemed so trusting in fact the only man I ever trusted whole heartedly and after the bombshell of him meeting someone else and chose a new thing with her, I had his passwords and found out that months before the breakup he was talking and exchanging pics with numerous girls not succeeding until some desparte 18 year old he is 31 comes along and gives him the attention he was seeking. I was devastated from the breakup then to find out he was cheating for awhile. Since he cut off email and changed his cell num and threw me away like I didnt exist, I had noway of confronting him, and I its been 6 months and Im still having my anger moments and down days, not wanting him back just cause he betrayed me and hurt me beyond anyone ever in my life. I say for you you deserve better than this and now you know what you know just walk away as hard as it may be cause I wish I would have snooped in the 6 years we were together and then I could have threw him away before he had the chance. Good Luck! wow! i can't believe after 6 years you find this all out. I'm sorry to hear how much of a coward your ex is! My ex just denies everything I think he actually believes/convinced himself that he never cheated. But um i have freaking emails i read with my own eyes!. I guess i just always had my suspicion and that gut feeling something wasn't right so that is why I snooped. I know to trust that from now on!
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 They really are an addiction. Its the one the got away, that hard nut to crack, its a struggle, a competition, a challenge. At least I think thats what it is to me. I'm drawn to the challenge of it. Though I know i'd still want him ONCE I got him, but its the allure of the one that got away...wondering how you ever snared them in the first place, and what changed.
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