help me write a sensual letter give me your opinion on what i have

January 17, 2004

can someone tell me in detail on what to write for a sensual letter?heres what i have so far can anyone give me an opinion or add to it i appreciate it....Well first off this is fantasy not reality so lets explore and enjoy.We walk on the beach getting to know one another having a real conversation then havea nice lunch.we start to enjoy one anothers company.We go back to your hotel room.Nice glass of maybe champagne to get into the mood we draw a nice hot bath let it stand until were ready for it go into the bedroom area. i sat down next to you, put my arms around you, started kissing your neck i start to rub your chest kissing your chest .

January 17, 2004

You are a male correct?

Your letter isn't sensual at all, it's narrative. You're just telling a story, which is a series of events that leads to penetration. That might be how you perceive romance, but I don't think it'll get your target audience. Look at the word "Sensual", it stems from "Sense". Try to expand on the senses.

Don't say, "having a real conversation then havea nice lunch". I know that in your mind it's, "I try to talk to you because I think that's what you want, and then food, because food is good,... umm when can I bang you?". If you're not going to go into what the conversation was about, or how it was delivered, or how it made you both feel, just leave it out.

Expand on the senses, there are five of them, plus an additional sense of arousal that's only used in the erotic context, yeah?

January 17, 2004

Are you writing a letter to someone? Are you writing an erotic short-story? Are you writing a technical paper?

Who is your audience? What is the goal of the paper?

There are a lot of different types of writing and they all have different "rules" that government them. Do you want it written in first person?

I wrote an erotic story for Playgirl many, many, many years ago and won 2nd place in their amateur writing contest! (yes regulars---ol' celibate me wrote about sex!)

I've also had a couple of very short stories & poems published in some womens' magazines. (I spell-check/proof those but I'm lazy with my posts!)

There are some professional writers and word smiths on LS -- hopefully one or two will respond.

January 17, 2004

I agree - it does read more like it's a short story rather than a letter.

January 17, 2004

Is this better im asking for help.....................Well first off this is fantasy not reality so lets explore and enjoy.We walk on the beach getting to know one another having a conversation then after having a conversation,put we sit on a blanket to watch the sunset,instead we stare into each other's eyes not saying a word. I put my arm around you, we kiss. We start to make out under the glow of the moon. .we start to enjoy one anothers company.We go back to your hotel room.Nice glass of maybe champagne to get into the mood our fingers acccidently meet as you pass the glass of bubbling champaigne. the fizz makes me giggle, the scent of the foam from the bathroom reaches your head and we both slowly undress each other, taking in each others curves, you slide your hand up my long soft arms, slowly the straps from dress fall and my breasts are exposed. Goosebumps appear over my body as if begging for your warmth. I sit down next to you, put my arms around you, started kissing your neck i start to rub your chest kissing your chest

January 17, 2004

What about thoughts? Are these people feeling anything or wondering if they left the gas on? Seduction is 90% in the head.

January 17, 2004

It moves too fast. It's like "First We have fun, and then there is boob-touching". Don't include details that don't entice, and make each section enticing. No one cares that you made out, unless you describe how it felt, use the senses. Que Significa?

January 17, 2004

Is this better ?..............

Well first off lets explore and enjoy. Come with me. We'll walk on the beach and get to know one another. We'll talk and we'll walk by the water until the sun sets, red as summer roses. The breeze will blow, soft and warm as my breath on your cheek. Come with me.

After our walk, it will feel good to sit down and the blanket will feel warm. Side by side we'll sit and talk, our words blown about by the breezes. The words will not matter, what will matter is our closeness to each other, our eyes drinking each other in, watching each others lips forming the words that neither one of us will hear, heads getting closer and closer, eyes closing finally, our lips meeting.We start to enjoy kissing one another under the glow of the moon.I ask if you like to stay her or go back to your hotel room.You reply my hotel room for a little more privacy.We go back to your hotel room.Nice glass of maybe champagne to get into the mood our fingers acccidently meet as you pass the glass of bubbling champaigne. the fizz makes me giggle, the scent of the foam from the bathroom reaches your head and we both slowly undress each other, taking in each others curves, you slide your hand up my long soft arms, slowly the straps from dress fall and my breasts are exposed. Goosebumps appear over my body as if begging for your warmth. I sit down next to you, put my arms around you, started kissing your neck i start to rub your chest kissing your chest

January 17, 2004

It's better, in terms of sensual details, but you have to remove the awkwardness.

::I ask if you like to stay her or go back to your hotel room.You reply my hotel room for a little more privacy.We go back to your hotel room. ::

Awkward, if dialogue comes out like this, avoid it. Try to transition your scenes with actual passionate details, not simply the decision to travel for the sake of passion, you know?

Also the tense issues bother me, you switch from future tense ("We'll walk on the beach...") to present tense ("We start to enjoy kissing...") to past tense ("...started kissing your neck..."). That makes it hard for me to read coherently. Whenever there's an error like that, it forces, me at least, to stop reading, and re-read to clarify what was said, or understand what was intended. This detracts from the eroticism of it, and makes it more challenging to comprehend, and almost impossible to really "get in to"

January 17, 2004

Well first off lets explore and enjoy. Come with me. We'll walk on the beach and get to know one another. We start talking as we walk by the water until the sun sets, red as summer roses. The breeze will blow, soft and warm as my breath on your cheek. Come with me.

After our walk, it will feel good to sit down and the blanket will feel warm. Side by side we shall sit and talk, our words blown about by the breezes. The words will not matter, what will matter is our closeness to each other, our eyes drinking each other in, watching each others lips forming the words that neither one of us will hear, heads getting closer and closer, eyes closing finally, our lips meeting.We enjoy kissing one another under the glow of the moon..I suggest we go back to your hotel room..We have a nice glass of maybe champagne to get into the mood our fingers acccidently meet as you pass the glass of bubbling champaigne. the fizz makes me giggle, the scent of the foam from the bathroom reaches your head and we both slowly undress each other, taking in each others curves, you slide your hand up my long soft arms, slowly the straps from dress fall and my breasts are exposed. Goosebumps appear over my body as if begging for your warmth. I sit down next to you, put my arms around you, I begin to kiss your neck very softly as i start to caress your chest.....

January 17, 2004

Originally posted by Helpme2004
Well first off lets explore and enjoy.

Stupid.

Come with me.

Unneccessary. It's trying to be seductive, but it's not. The line is unalluring, it reminds me of a Puff Daddy song.

We'll walk on the beach and get to know one another.

Simply saying "get to know one another" doesn't actually acquaint the reader with either of you. And if you're writing this to someone directly, it doesn't help that person understand the situation. You have to make the words an experience, not a narrative. Also, this is in future tense.

We start talking as we walk by the water until the sun sets, red as summer roses.

This is in present tense. Talking is something that brings people closer together, but this doesn't seem to happen, because you don't explain what effect the talking has on the characters. It's about the feeling, not the occurences. Also, from a literary standpoint, I have trouble seeing the comparison between a sun and summer roses. Either leave out the red detail, or find something else to compare it to. Because to me, the sun setting is luminous, and roses are soft and opaque. It just didn't resonate with me, I don't mean to pick apart your writing.

The breeze will blow, soft and warm as my breath on your cheek. Come with me.

The warm breeze is good, as is the parallel to your breath. But the tense is bad, it's in future tense, and the previous tense was in the past tense. It may seem unimportant, but it's awkward to me, and detracts from it. Leave the "Come with me." out. Make coming with you a desire, not a command.

After our walk, it will feel good to sit down and the blanket will feel warm.

Nice attempt to make the reader understand the feelings. But "Good" and "warm" don't do it for me. When I said emphasize the feelings, I meant not their individual feelings, but the feelings that they are sharing, and how it affects their connection to one another.

Side by side we shall sit and talk, our words blown about by the breezes.

We will, We Shall, We are, We were, We're gonna---all this jumping around is awkward. I also don't connect to words being blown around by breezes. Your attempt at flowery language leaves me stranded. With nothing to connect to.

I'm going to stop there, but you get what I'm saying. Try to make it a single encounter, not a series of sentences that somewhat relate to an experience.

January 17, 2004

Hey helpme, you're trying to seduce anonymous ladies over the Internet, aren't you?

Be a man and do it on your own. You may have a hard slog ahead of you 'cause I don't think you have the slightest clue what "sensuality" even means.

January 17, 2004

Originally posted by Helpme2004
the straps from dress fall and my breasts are exposed.

I think it's a girl.

January 17, 2004

OK, so who is the audience of this erotic story?

January 17, 2004

damn im just asking for advice geesh im writing it for someone i know for a guy im dating is that ok

January 17, 2004

Originally posted by Helpme2004
damn im just asking for advice geesh im writing it for someone i know for a guy im dating is that ok

You are writing it for someone, you know, for a guy, you're dating? I think you just busted yourself out!

I'm sorry, but find other ways to seduce him. This erotic letter stuff is sappy and gay!

~V

January 17, 2004

why is it gay?> alot of people find it romantic and yes it can be ,damn some people on here are way to uptight it seems like.whats wrong with writing a sensual love letter for him to read .

January 17, 2004

Don't mind Vivvy. EVERYTHING that isn't football, belching, and beer is 'sappy and gay' to him.

Cripes, men buy Penthouse and Playboy and read every letter word for word!!! C'mon, Vivvy. If your girl wrote you an erotic fantasy about you and her, I'd bet you'd have trouble reading it for the drool all over the page.

However, you'll have to ditch all the advice you got here. If it was a man writing for a woman, then yes, the romantic setting, the champagne, all that would be good because it's nice and Harlequin-y. However fiction written for men gets right to the down and dirty much sooner and won't have all the romance in it. You can keep some, but it'll not be as appealing.

You could of course do a search on 'erotic fiction' and read some to get an idea of what the guys read and write. Literotica is a pretty good site for that sort of stuff.

January 17, 2004

thank you for understanding i agree men do look and playboy and penthouse so then why isnt it ok for a woman to write a sensual letter to a guy.thnx again moimeme

January 17, 2004

Originally posted by moimeme

Don't mind Vivvy. EVERYTHING that isn't football, belching, and beer is 'sappy and gay' to him.

Merry!!! How could you forgot ballroom dancing??? Definately not sappy and gay!

Cripes, men buy Penthouse and Playboy and read every letter word for word!!!

You are right. Also, Maxim, The Stuff, FHM, Menshealth, Newport News, Spiegel

C'mon, Vivvy. If your girl wrote you an erotic fantasy about you and her, I'd bet you'd have trouble reading it for the drool all over the page.

You know, Merry, you are probably right, if it was sexually erotic. When silk_sword writes me something, I'll let you know how I take it. I kinda misread the thread. I thought that she wanted to write about strong emotions and her feelings when she is with him. To the thread starter, my apologies -- I stand corrected!

About 3 years ago, one of my ex's once wrote to me something like - 'When I'm with you, why can't I breathe', or something like that. I was like 'Blech'!!!

~V

January 17, 2004

Originally posted by Helpme2004
thank you for understanding i agree men do look and playboy and penthouse so then why isnt it ok for a woman to write a sensual letter to a guy.thnx again moimeme

What are you trying to write, my dear? A sensual letter or erotic letter?

~Vivid

January 17, 2004

i really dont know maybe a bit of both sensual and erotic if thats possible if u like i can show u what i have so far some people are just so rude i cant believe it

January 17, 2004

Yeah, I just figured out you were writing it for a man, as I guess the norm is that it's not a man thing? Pardon my prejudice. Anyway, yeah, flip my advice around. Less feelings and senses, more dick-lay.

January 17, 2004

Originally posted by dyermaker
Less feelings and senses, more dick-lay.

Dyer - Remember, she's a noob.

helpme2004 -- Do you know what a dick-lay is?

~V

January 17, 2004

Originally posted by Vivid_29
helpme2004 -- Do you know what a dick-lay is?

Vivid_29, Isn't the meaning intuitive just from its etymology?

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