Spiritofnow Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 (edited) Hey, to reader, : ) Sometimes my feelings confuse me. I work hard on understanding myself, but sometimes I feel feelings and have thought's that I feel conflicted with. Ugh! So after lots of communication my bf has heard me. He has heard that even though I am the one who struggles more with the distance and all that it encompasses that I would like his help on making that dynamic less fraught. I would like us to be a team rather than it being my problem. I realised I wanted it to be something we share together. Initially, I took it upon myself to fix, because I was unsure about why I was feeling the way I was (wanting more input from him), and I wanted to be sure I wasn't being unreasonable. I realised I wasn't being unreasonable, because what I was really asking for was for us to take care of each other equally while we are apart - one person is always going to feel the distance more than the other, but when I realised that I also realised that it wasn't just down to me to fix. Anyway, he sent me a long email today when he got a quiet moment at work, which hasn't happened for a loooooong time. So, he is listening and he is meeting me in the middle - good, good. I thought it would feel nice, but it just made me realise how much of his life I have been missing out on and how sometimes this distance leaves me feeling like a stranger in our relationship. He is also getting a dog, which I have encouraged, but now I am feeling it's yet another decision/life event that doesn't include me. I have a lot to work on... I know this is just a transition, and I know that how I feel is in part due to all the stress that comes from trying to work out how you feel, why you feel that way, and then separating the issues that arise from the distance from the issues you have as a couple. When we are together life is wonderful. He is attentive, thoughtful and caring, so we both realise that a lot of my feelings are due to the distance and how we have tried to manage that. I am sure with time I will feel reintegrated again.... I just don't like feeling unsettled, and right now I do. And, I definitely do not want to feel jealous about a dog - that is an irrational feeling. I guess, it's not the dog per se it's the situation. It's about him making big life choices that do not involve me at all....arrrrggggghhhhhhhhh! I need to work this out...maybe some one can kick start that process for me? I need some other view point apart from my own. I feel like I want to withdraw and keep my distance, but that would be so counter-productive. He has listened and taken on board my feelings and reacted in a positive way.... What is it that I am really afraid of, because one thing I have learned throughout my life is that most negative reactions (for me) are based on fear. What is it about this situation which makes me feel fearful?? I will think on... Ah! Perhaps I just need a real time chat so that we can officially close that chapter and move on....yeah, that has happened before. I didn't feel closure until I was able to hear his voice (which gives you so many more ques than black and white words) . Yeah! Perhaps that is it....anyway, I would welcome someone telling me what a pratt I am being. I think that is part of it, but I now there is something else going on in that complex mind of mine. Thanks! Edited April 9, 2010 by Spiritofnow
Away Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Well, it sounds like you have answered most of your questions yourself and have analyzed the situation pretty well on your own. That's good. Sometimes I find that just writing every thing out makes me feel better... sorry I have no real input on your problem, I just wanted to say that irrational as it is i get very jealous of my boyfriend's dog hahaha. He has his picture on his phone, and my picture should be there! He moved not too long ago, and the dog is here in the states still, but he wants to bring it back with him... I get jealous of the dog actually coming to live with him and me having to stay here Good luck! I'm glad your boyfriend is making an effort to make you happy.
Author Spiritofnow Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 Thanks, Away, I love that you get jealous of his dog, ha ha ha ha! We discussed that and he said he was not shocked, or surprised. He said he totally gets it. I guess what we have to remember is that we are the Alpha females, right. And, the only reason we have 'dog envy' ha ha ha, is because we want to be cuddled up on their laps, and we want to be the ones who greet them when they come home from work. And we will......some day we will... I really appreciate you just hearing me and reflecting back : ) Have a wonderful Saturday.
Away Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 No problem, Spirit... An awesome Saturday to you too...
dolius Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Well, let me tell ya, of course you don't want one person making life choices that do not involve the other at all, or dont take in consideration how one feels about it, the process may be to be consistent in your mutual wish that is no other but reunite again and stay in love, in that case for example start by talking about what the next year would be like for you both, where do you guys see each other living etc, I guess I would have to know more about your LDR cos I'm in one too and the "long distance" thing I know is not the funnest part.
Deeblondie82 Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I totally get what your saying. LDR are the hardest to handle and I know the one im in is something Im getting use to and I really dont know how things will go. good luck to you, I think you did answer what you wrote
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