Arasae Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Hey there, gentlemen (I assume you still exist)! I've been on two dates with a guy, and I thought they both went really well--lots of deep, intellectual conversation, laughing, all that fun stuff that gets me all jittery and jazz. However, come the end of the date, there wasn't even hesitation, just a simple hug goodbye and the walk-away. The first time, I expected that, but the second, it was a little disappointing. So! In terms of respectful men who usually take it slow--what does this usually look like? How long do you usually wait before attempting to initiate handholding, something a little more than a hug, and/or the first kiss? The second date ended up being an impromptu double date in which my lady-friend told a story about a creeper man who refused to leave her friend alone (odd, I know, but we're odd folk), and he made a comment about how he was always worried about being "that guy" and thus never overtly flirts with women--could this have something to do with it? Thank you! =D
phineas Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 So, on the 2nd date you bring along a friend who talks about a creepy guy that didn't get the idea she wasn't interested? And your wondering why he didn't make a move? Probably because he thought he'd get maced.
Author Arasae Posted April 9, 2010 Author Posted April 9, 2010 LoL, it fit into the conversation, trust me. Besides, he walked me to the train station afterward, alone, so it's not like she and her guy friend were hovering!
sally4sara Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 So! In terms of respectful men who usually take it slow--what does this usually look like? How long do you usually wait before attempting to initiate handholding, something a little more than a hug, and/or the first kiss? Thank you! =D How about till they are ready? If we as women are to expect a man to respect our need to feel ready before having sex, we should show them how by being patient for them too. You could always ask as well if you can kiss them and whatnot.
Engadget Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I take it slow now for sure, glacial actually. The last girl I was involved with when my ex and me were apart for a while actually basically forced ME into sex with her. I really want to get to know a girl I'm interested in now, and I'm not into jumping into things. Been hurt too badly before, I'm very guarded now. I probably wouldn't kiss for a few dates, hand hold for a few as well. Depends on the girl though.
make me believe Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Make a move if you want to kiss him! Nothing wrong with that Show some initiative and don't put all the pressure on him.
Engadget Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Make a move if you want to kiss him! Nothing wrong with that Show some initiative and don't put all the pressure on him. If only more women thought like this. The belief that men need to make the first move or make contact is still very prevalent. After being hurt I really don't want to put the effort in sometimes, but if a girl really showed interest and pursued me, I may be more receptive.
phineas Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I find it funny that we get so many posts from guys about girls that won't do anything after months of dateing & so many posts from women that can't understand why a guy hasn't tried to mack on them after a only a few dates.
carhill Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I've been pretty consistent over the decades. With strangers, since I'm friendly, if we get on well, I'll hug them on the first date and give them a simple, affectionate kiss on the second, with more physical affection, like touching, hand holding, etc. If things get more intense after that, then the kisses and other, more sexual affections, follow. If I'm getting the vibe that the lady isn't sincerely interested in me, I'll give it a date or two and then, if no resolution, move on to other potentials. When my style doesn't match up with a woman's expectations, and perhaps she is disappointed, I just consider us incompatible. With a compatible person, interest, affection and intimacy flow. It's natural, IMO. This presumes each person is being authentic and not masking. IMO, if your dates are otherwise enjoyable, but you're getting the 'hmm, not really interested vibe', give it a couple more, being receptive and open (this is body language, like moving close, light touching, looking in his eyes, etc) and, if no joy, move on. Dating should be enjoyable but IMO it also should be a process which meets your goals, whatever those are. Have fun
sagetalk Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 How about till they are ready? If we as women are to expect a man to respect our need to feel ready before having sex, we should show them how by being patient for them too. You could always ask as well if you can kiss them and whatnot. If only all women thought like this. On this board, if you aren't trying to take a girl's pants off by the fourth date then you're not interested. No wonder so many girls on here get stuck dating losers. To the OP, he's interested. Stop over analyzing everything. Be glad he isn't trying to jump you from the start. That is usually a bad sign, not a good one.
PhillySpecial Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 When you go on a 3rd date, if he doesn't try to kiss you, kiss him. It's that simple. This will either make or break it right there. If he responds passionately and the two of you share a great kiss you'll know he was just shy, if on the other hand, its an awkward kiss where he's not really into it I'd say "Houston we have a problem." I'm not even talking about sex, if a guy can't even kiss you, something is wrong.
mendsley Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I am a very shy guy and I have been only on a few dates in my life and for me, after a 10 year marriage, I don't know how to date or even act on a date ........ and i'm 32, lol. I married right out of high school and only dated the person I married, so DO NOT read to much into it. He maybe just like me and not really sure how to act on a date. I have read so many books on dating and to be honost there is this "template" on how dating should be. I feel dating should be like most things in life, let unfold on it's own, do not rush! P.S. I agree with if you want to kiss him than make the move, maybe he needs that to feel comfortable!
Author Arasae Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 All very good advice! =) okay, I'll do it. I'll start with the grabbing of the hand... but I need some help or suggestions for the kissing. I'm only 5'5 and he's 6'4! How am I ever going to make the first move with a foot of height difference?! lol I'm used to dating short guys!
carhill Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Hint: There's less height difference when you're sitting, like on his lap
norajane Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 When he or you go in for the goodnight hug, place your hand on the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. It should only take a little guidance, if he's interested.
Author Arasae Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 When he or you go in for the goodnight hug, place your hand on the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. It should only take a little guidance, if he's interested. Woo! Success! In case anyone cares.. ^_^ So we had another awesome date, he walked me to my car, and this time the hug was waaaay more intimate. No more cousin hugs for us! =) He told me he had a really good time (again) and I turned my face up in preparation to pull him down, but he was already there. Hurray! I did pull him down for a second in the manner this post suggested. Thanks. =D And now we're going to see Othello tomorrow so I'm pretty happy about that too!
Melocoton Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Maybe because he really enjoys your company. The more a guy likes you the more he will take his time, not only out of respect for you but also to show you he is not after one thing.
BlueHarvest Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Woo! Success! In case anyone cares.. ^_^ So we had another awesome date, he walked me to my car, and this time the hug was waaaay more intimate. No more cousin hugs for us! =) He told me he had a really good time (again) and I turned my face up in preparation to pull him down, but he was already there. Hurray! I did pull him down for a second in the manner this post suggested. Thanks. =D And now we're going to see Othello tomorrow so I'm pretty happy about that too! What is this "cousin hug" you refer to?
Rorschach Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 What is this "cousin hug" you refer to? You know, the ass out completely non-sexual non-threatening I-love-you-as-a-relative hug. C'mon everybody knows the cousin hug =P On Topic: Yay! I'm so happy for you!
allanworks Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Hey there, gentlemen (I assume you still exist)! I've been on two dates with a guy, and I thought they both went really well--lots of deep, intellectual conversation, laughing, all that fun stuff that gets me all jittery and jazz. However, come the end of the date, there wasn't even hesitation, just a simple hug goodbye and the walk-away. The first time, I expected that, but the second, it was a little disappointing. So! In terms of respectful men who usually take it slow--what does this usually look like? How long do you usually wait before attempting to initiate handholding, something a little more than a hug, and/or the first kiss? The second date ended up being an impromptu double date in which my lady-friend told a story about a creeper man who refused to leave her friend alone (odd, I know, but we're odd folk), and he made a comment about how he was always worried about being "that guy" and thus never overtly flirts with women--could this have something to do with it? Thank you! =D he is giving you respect the third date should get hot and steamy if not theres something wrong.
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