Mens reaction to abortion...

[pureinheart]

Adoption creates issues, but in the case of my birthparents chances are I would be far more miserable now had I been kept with them. Birthmother was a coke user and abused alcohol WHILE she was pregnant with me, working a dead end gas station job.

 

It's created quite a few issues for me, but had I grown up with them, things would have been far worse. I think they knew that and gave me up for adoption for that reason.

 

 

I was adopted also, although my issues are not much different than my friends with biological parents...I faired very well in my life actually...parents do the best they can period....

 

I would like to find my birth parents, although they are in their 70's now....what's cool is I must have looked exactly like my birth mother...

[EmperorR]

my ex fiance had a abortion behind my back and only told me 2 years later after she cheated and dumped me.

 

As well she gave me a std so i'm probably infertile now and that was my last chance the cunt

[DolceVenganza]

I will probably come under alot of fire for my opinion but I am of the mindset and have operated this way that if you cannot handle the WORST case scenario of having a kid, you should not have sex.

 

Period.

 

I have had sex with girls, either through dating or relationships, and if any girl was to get pregnant, we would have the kid. Bar-none.

 

Our society is all about feel good things. Buy a big house and never make payments. Rack up credit cards and default. Live a big life drinking all the time and having nice vehicles and great attire, but never save a dime.

 

This was not the mantra that our grandparents believed in that gave US life and yet as their ancestors we piss it away. We have forgotten our roots.

 

Kids these days want to have the fun WITHOUT the repercussions. Alot of that is the mindset from dating, too. Most guys want to take the very best of a girl and get it all up front without giving much in return...namely her safety, protection, and comfort.

 

I have witnessed many girls in the last 8 years that relationships did not work out with for 1 reason or another and MOST of them went to other guys, got knocked up or divorced. This isn't an ego thing. It's sad really. Watching all these girls give into society and the emotions they think are ok and then be left high and dry. They deserve better, but men don't help the situation either.

 

No, I would never abort. If you are having sex, KNOW ALL THE RISKS, from disease to pregnancy. The disclosure is RIGHT THERE. Don't do it if you can't handle it. End of story. You can do other things if you really need the release, but do not have sex if you cannot have the kid.

[Engadget]

I was adopted also, although my issues are not much different than my friends with biological parents...I faired very well in my life actually...parents do the best they can period....

 

I would like to find my birth parents, although they are in their 70's now....what's cool is I must have looked exactly like my birth mother...

 

Yeah I've noticed I have some abandonment issues from it, and that wasn't helped when I found out they refused to contact me beyond a single paragraph. It was a closed adoption, which to me is kind of cruel, especially when their file indicated they would WELCOME contact, and then later denied it.

 

I even explained in a long letter that I understood that there are some difficult emotions to deal with, and maybe me contact them could hurt them or bring them all back. However after a few tries I got nothing more, so I gave up.

 

I'd love to know what they look like, like you probably do. And to know if I have any half sisters or brothers, things like that.

[Rorschach]

I had a close scare where my 2 year girlfriend (who I didn't love anymore) missed a month (or maybe was something like 3 weeks late) and I was forced to confront the possibility that my entire life which I had spent years thinking about might be dragged out of line for something like this. (we had only had sex once that month due to extenuating circumstances and she was on the pill AND we used a condom at the time, so I was even more annoyed).

 

Worst still in my case, I was responsible and I talked to her about it, and while it turned out she wasn't pregnant I wanted to abort and she wanted to have it and I was in no position to change her mind. We were in no position to have children and its a really good thing we didn't, but it did cause me to confront some inner demons and make me think about things I'd rather not think about.

 

Personally I think I'm just going to keep the mouse in the house until I'm married, but thats probably just me being paranoid right up until some girl I'm dating asks me inside when the little head is going to take control anyway... damn little head

[Twenty-ten]

Melody your story is sad, and yet not surprising. There are so many selfish men out there that crack under these kinds of circumstances and it takes something like that for them to show their true colours. I guess my question would be had you discussed children at any point prior to the pregnancy happening? Often couples end up in situations of unwanted pregnancies and the issue of children is never discussed previously and then the surprise comes out in the worst possible way.

 

I'm really sad that men have no say so what so ever concerning if gf/w has an abortion, the baby is his too, actually fathers have little rights period.

 

I hate to say it but I don't even think it's men having little say, and more so the idea that some men don't want to deal with taking a stand on the decision and put all the onus on the the woman to decide. Once she makes the decisions for both of them, he takes the easy route of resentment and being "turned"off". It's an easy cop-out that some men choose in order to absolve themselves of committing to having a say.

 

Men actually have a lot of say, but what often happens is that having a say also means having to step up to take responsibility for his share of his actions, ie, making a commitment to form a family with the woman they made a child with. And if it's like some already said here that in an early relationship an

unplanned pregnancy would put a damper on things, well there is the answer right there.

[Els]

I will probably come under alot of fire for my opinion but I am of the mindset and have operated this way that if you cannot handle the WORST case scenario of having a kid, you should not have sex.

 

Period.

 

I have had sex with girls, either through dating or relationships, and if any girl was to get pregnant, we would have the kid. Bar-none.

 

Our society is all about feel good things. Buy a big house and never make payments. Rack up credit cards and default. Live a big life drinking all the time and having nice vehicles and great attire, but never save a dime.

 

This was not the mantra that our grandparents believed in that gave US life and yet as their ancestors we piss it away. We have forgotten our roots.

 

Kids these days want to have the fun WITHOUT the repercussions. Alot of that is the mindset from dating, too. Most guys want to take the very best of a girl and get it all up front without giving much in return...namely her safety, protection, and comfort.

 

I have witnessed many girls in the last 8 years that relationships did not work out with for 1 reason or another and MOST of them went to other guys, got knocked up or divorced. This isn't an ego thing. It's sad really. Watching all these girls give into society and the emotions they think are ok and then be left high and dry. They deserve better, but men don't help the situation either.

 

No, I would never abort. If you are having sex, KNOW ALL THE RISKS, from disease to pregnancy. The disclosure is RIGHT THERE. Don't do it if you can't handle it. End of story. You can do other things if you really need the release, but do not have sex if you cannot have the kid.

 

Funny thing is, I've been handed a LOT of flak from LS due to my position of not having vaginal intercourse until I'm ready to handle the possibility of an accidental conception. Funnier thing is, my bf agrees with me - and boy did some posters lay into him when I said that. Called him gay, sexually stunted, other rather untrue stuff.

 

I suspect that it is partly this attitude from a large part of society that leads to people who want to abstain, believing that they are wrong for doing so. Strangest thing is that if you say you want to abstain for religious reasons, others are usually more understanding. But when you want to abstain to prevent an abortion or an unwanted child, all of a sudden you're paranoid, overly worried, the kind of person who'd shut herself indoors all her life because she's afraid of a meteor dropping from the sky... that sort of shyte

[Rorschach]

Funny thing is, I've been handed a LOT of flak from LS due to my position of not having vaginal intercourse until I'm ready to handle the possibility of an accidental conception. Funnier thing is, my bf agrees with me - and boy did some posters lay into him when I said that. Called him gay, sexually stunted, other rather untrue stuff.

 

I suspect that it is partly this attitude from a large part of society that leads to people who want to abstain, believing that they are wrong for doing so. Strangest thing is that if you say you want to abstain for religious reasons, others are usually more understanding. But when you want to abstain to prevent an abortion or an unwanted child, all of a sudden you're paranoid, overly worried, the kind of person who'd shut herself indoors all her life because she's afraid of a meteor dropping from the sky... that sort of shyte

 

While I can't speak for everybody I think your decision makes alot of good sense so +1 to supporters from me.

[torranceshipman]

The key is to choose men who will be with you and stand by you, men with character. So few women actually choose these types of guys that it swells the number of abortions because these loser guys won't act like real men. They just want to have sex like one. I could rant about this topic forever....

 

If this happened to you, I'm sorry to hear it. I hope that you will share your experience with other girls and tell them how important it is to only have sexual relationships with men who have proven their devotion, good character, and loyalty.

 

Wow, so it is the woman's fault for choosing a bad guy? That comes off sounding really bad. It is the mans fault if he lacks character. So many women only discover the lack of character in a situation like this - then it is too late and the damage is done. And they get to deal with alone.

 

Most women look for men with character, but often men lie about that kinda stuff to get laid, etc (and I am no man basher-I know there are lovely men out there!-but this happens a lot!!). Don't be so judgemental.

[hotgurl]

I will probably come under alot of fire for my opinion but I am of the mindset and have operated this way that if you cannot handle the WORST case scenario of having a kid, you should not have sex.

 

Period.

 

I have had sex with girls, either through dating or relationships, and if any girl was to get pregnant, we would have the kid. Bar-none.

 

Our society is all about feel good things. Buy a big house and never make payments. Rack up credit cards and default. Live a big life drinking all the time and having nice vehicles and great attire, but never save a dime.

 

This was not the mantra that our grandparents believed in that gave US life and yet as their ancestors we piss it away. We have forgotten our roots.

 

Kids these days want to have the fun WITHOUT the repercussions. Alot of that is the mindset from dating, too. Most guys want to take the very best of a girl and get it all up front without giving much in return...namely her safety, protection, and comfort.

 

I have witnessed many girls in the last 8 years that relationships did not work out with for 1 reason or another and MOST of them went to other guys, got knocked up or divorced. This isn't an ego thing. It's sad really. Watching all these girls give into society and the emotions they think are ok and then be left high and dry. They deserve better, but men don't help the situation either.

 

No, I would never abort. If you are having sex, KNOW ALL THE RISKS, from disease to pregnancy. The disclosure is RIGHT THERE. Don't do it if you can't handle it. End of story. You can do other things if you really need the release, but do not have sex if you cannot have the kid.

 

are you upfront with these women about your views before having sex. SInce you are obviously not abstaining.

[Els]

Wow, so it is the woman's fault for choosing a bad guy? That comes off sounding really bad. It is the mans fault if he lacks character. So many women only discover the lack of character in a situation like this - then it is too late and the damage is done. And they get to deal with alone.

 

Most women look for men with character, but often men lie about that kinda stuff to get laid, etc (and I am no man basher-I know there are lovely men out there!-but this happens a lot!!). Don't be so judgemental.

 

I think what he means is that a woman should not have intercourse with a man until time and trials have proven that the man is able to stand by her through something like this. A lie can hold for a few dates, but it's very unlikely that it can hold through 1 year+ and experiencing life's hardships together.

 

Unfortunately, most men don't really want to wait that long.

[amerikajin]

If I knew a girl or was dating her and we couldn't pay for the child, I would want her to put it up for adoption. Abortion should never be an option unless the mother would die from the birth, and even then, I hate it still.

 

Yeah, but you're not the one who's carrying the fetus, are you? The fetus isn't taking away your nutrition, and it's not possibly risking your bodily health, is it? You're definitely entitled to your opinion, but frankly, I don't think it's worth as much as a pregnant woman's.

 

The key is to choose men who will be with you and stand by you, men with character. So few women actually choose these types of guys that it swells the number of abortions because these loser guys won't act like real men. They just want to have sex like one. I could rant about this topic forever.

 

I agree that woman can avert this situation in many cases, but sometimes, men just flake -- even married men. People don't always reveal themselves.

[Scottdmw]

OP, I sympathize with your difficult story.

 

Many posters have commented that they were surprised that a man would agree to an abortion and then dump the woman afterwards. I see this as a sad but true facet of human nature. People don't always know how they are going to feel if something happens. They also don't always know what they really want. As another poster pointed out, biologically speaking, when a woman has an abortion she is killing the man's child. That anyway is how the man's genetic nature is possibly going to see it. I'm not talking about the man's conscious mind, but his hardwired emotional reaction.

 

I think the fact is that men really want women to have their babies. They may simultaneously not want nothing to do with raising the child, they may want no interference with the regular sex they're used to, and any number of other incompatible things. But, the bottom line is the drive to reproduce is very strong and men want women to have their babies, even if they don't realize that's what they want.

 

As a man, I choose to abstain from sex unless I'm in a situation where both I and the woman are truly open to having a baby. For me that basically means marriage. I realize that is a tough pill for most people to swallow, but it seems to me like society's current solution of easy sex but extremely messed up situations resulting from it is not so great either.

 

Scott

[Els]

Guys don't usually want to use condoms if the woman is already on BC, from what I've seen around here.

[Engadget]

Guys don't usually want to use condoms if the woman is already on BC, from what I've seen around here.

 

That's true for some yeah. I only had unprotected sex about 20 times when my ex was on BC, but she stopped taking it because the risks of stroke and whatnot scared her. And I didn't blame her. Also, some women's personality changes on BC, hers did for sure. She became hyper-emotional and strange at times, and the "spotting" was far worse than a period once a month.

 

Unprotected sex feels amazing, but as someone who was the result of an unwanted pregnancy, I am extra careful.

 

It also seems to be from socio-economic factors. My city has a large hispanic population, and the highest teen pregnancy rate around.

[Els]

Yes, the side effects of BC are another reason - many women can't find one that suits them and doesn't cause all of that. So most couples find that both condoms and BC are overkill - I personally wouldn't go on BC either for the sole purpose of contraception (I currently take BC now for medical reasons).

[ADF]

Your ex's Jekyll-to-Hyde transformation of your ex is all too familiar. I haven't much to add, except the following:

 

1) Men, understand your decision about whether or not to become a father begins and ends at the point of conception. Once conception has occurred, you no longer have any say. That means if you don't want to become a father, use contraception. Faithfully.

 

2) Women, while you cannot make a man a good father, you can make sure he pays child support. Do so. Over half the men who owe child support in this country fail to pay, either at all or in part.

 

3) Men and women, stop acting like this is 1865 and there are no family planning options available. This is 2010. Safe, effective birth control and abortion are legal and available. Make use of one or both.

[sagetalk]

Safe, effective birth control and abortion are legal and available. Make use of one or both.

 

Safe, I don't think so.

Abortion increases breast cancer risk by 40%

 

This is kept very quite because the industry is a cash cow and many people value money over the health of women. Contraceptives also may increase the risk of breast cancer.