just_some_guy Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Just tossing it out there. Please define, "Good husband" in your own terms. For extra credit, define, "responsibility" particularly as it relates to being a "good husband".
DaisyLeigh Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 A good husband is one who works hard, realizes that his home and children are just as much his responsibility as his wife's, is kind to his wife and kids, picks up after himself, and doesn't expect everything to be his way at all times.
JaneInVegas Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 IMO good husband = a man who puts a reasonable amount of effort into his home, wife and family, while at the same time putting in enough 'me' time to keep himself balanced. (If men don't do the 'me' time they start to go stir crazy, and no one benefits.) Also isn't afraid to show emotions from time to time, and knows when he has to put himself last and not complain about it. Obviously, faithfulness is important, too. Responsibility means always being there when he is expected to be (although lots of women carry this way, way too far) and never is left feeling, "Why in the heck didn't he help out with that?" I know that's pretty generalized, but it's also simple and straightforward.
xxoo Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I think more in terms of "good partner/spouse" than "good husband", because I think the standards are the same for either sex. Marriage only works if both partners are: --kind, respectful, and concerned about the other partner's needs --solidly on the "team" and willing to put what is good for the team above individual wants when appropriate --honest, loving, faithful --emotionally healthy (no untreated mental illness, personality disorders, addiction, etc) --hardworking, whether in the home or at paid employment "Responsible" is understanding what needs to be done and being a full partner in getting it done. Fiscal restraint, working hard at home or job, taking care of himself as well as his partner and children all fall under "responsible" to me.
seren Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Remembering that I am me, not just a wife, mother, but that I am underneath all the stresses of day to day life, the same bonkers, funny loving woman I always was. Not taking my love for granted, not taking our marriage for granted. Realising that while we are he and I, we are also we and that we both have a responsibility to ensuring that we are singing from the same hymn sheet and if we aren't then talking to me about it. This has been achieved far more since D day (H had an A) and he is a dammed good husband.
troggleputty Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Just tossing it out there. Please define, "Good husband" in your own terms. For extra credit, define, "responsibility" particularly as it relates to being a "good husband". Let me try: "A good husband lets his wife take full responsibility for all household chores."
You Go Girl Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 A good partner, husband or wife, must first be an honest person. That, far above everything else. If you're dishonest, NOTHING else you do matters. You are flawed, period.
Pink Cupcakes Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 The opposite of Jesse James (not the old West outlaw) and Tiger Woods.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 A good husband is one who has embraced the "We". There is no "I" in marriage. Okay, there's one "I", but that one belongs to ME, lol. And that all ties into responsibility--a good husband is one who considers all family members when making decisions. If a person can take responsibility that his actions affect a lot more people than just himself, he's quite okay in my book.
Woggle Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I don't know what a good husband really is but what is considered a good one these days is pretty much a doormat. Who is looking out for him while he thinks of everybody else?
crazycatlady Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I don't know what a good husband really is but what is considered a good one these days is pretty much a doormat. Who is looking out for him while he thinks of everybody else? Idealy Woggle, his partner. I get up and set out my H's socks (its just our thing) and pack up his lunch and breakfast in the morning for him to take. If he forgets things here, I will run it to him at work. My job is to make HIS job easier. Or it was when I was a stay at home wife. Which should be no wonder that he keeps trying to find a way to keep me home But he and I both know its time. But I like XXOO's description myself. Because it is a partnership. CCL
Woggle Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 A man should never depend on a woman being there for him when the chips are down. That is why should always look out for himself first. These good husbands that are the subject of this thread are also the ones who end up getting cheated and left all the time. When the wife he so devoted himself to turns on him then where does he have to turn?
isthisallthereis Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 A good husband is one who recognizes that marriage is a partnership; that we are a team working for the same goals, whether that is financial security, healthy well-adjusted children, or a pleasant home environment. Responsibility to me as it relates to a good husband: the ability to recognize and respond to the actions that need to be taken to achieve the goals of the team.
crazycatlady Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 A man should never depend on a woman being there for him when the chips are down. That is why should always look out for himself first. These good husbands that are the subject of this thread are also the ones who end up getting cheated and left all the time. When the wife he so devoted himself to turns on him then where does he have to turn? Now now Woggle. Bitterness doesn't help. A true partnership both sides will be looking out for each other. And yes sometimes bad things can happen, but as long as the core is strong, it can be worked through.
You Go Girl Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 A man should never depend on a woman being there for him when the chips are down. That is why should always look out for himself first. These good husbands that are the subject of this thread are also the ones who end up getting cheated and left all the time. When the wife he so devoted himself to turns on him then where does he have to turn? There's some truth to this--just as a woman should never depend on a man to be there for her. We DO all have to take care of respecting ourselves first, else we become doormats, either gender, there's no gender-specific statistics in one corner more than the other on this. A self-respecting person is awake, aware, and better at the psychology of relationships. They will sense red flag remarks and actions immediately. Being completely vulnerable, completely trusting, is a road often enough to heartbreak. I know, been there, done that. Is it that he didn't know how much I gave of myself that I surely didn't have to? Or is it that he took advantage of that?
lonelyandfrustrated Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 A man should never depend on a woman being there for him when the chips are down. That is why should always look out for himself first. These good husbands that are the subject of this thread are also the ones who end up getting cheated and left all the time. When the wife he so devoted himself to turns on him then where does he have to turn? I would guess that the guys who get cheated on are the ones who are too busy with work, friends, games, and 'looking out for himself' to notice when their wives complain that they never talk anymore, never do stuff together. The man who thinks a good husband puts in lots of hours at work to provide for his family ends up writing lots of big checks to his family, as ordered by the court!
Woggle Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I would guess that the guys who get cheated on are the ones who are too busy with work, friends, games, and 'looking out for himself' to notice when their wives complain that they never talk anymore, never do stuff together. The man who thinks a good husband puts in lots of hours at work to provide for his family ends up writing lots of big checks to his family, as ordered by the court! So it is all the man's fault when he is betrayed? The woman is never accountable for her actions?
SouthernSunshine Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 My husband is my partner. He doesn't want me to be his mom.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 So it is all the man's fault when he is betrayed? The woman is never accountable for her actions? People are always accountable for their own actions. You seemed to be stating that nice guys (good husbands) are the one who get cheated on. I disagree. I think it is much more common for clueless guys to get cheated on...those guys who think they're a good husband, but they're not paying attention to their wives. I may be biased. I have never been upset with my husband because he spent too much time with me, or talked too much, or kissed me too often.
tnttim Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 A man should never depend on a woman being there for him when the chips are down. That is why should always look out for himself first. These good husbands that are the subject of this thread are also the ones who end up getting cheated and left all the time. When the wife he so devoted himself to turns on him then where does he have to turn? I hate to say it but I agree. A year ago I would have called you crazy, but I have seen that that really doesn't matter. It's easier to cheat on the nice guy that you know will take you back then the a**hole that will burn your car.
Ariadne Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Just tossing it out there. Please define, "Good husband" in your own terms. For extra credit, define, "responsibility" particularly as it relates to being a "good husband". Good husband is a man that takes care of all the things that men are supposed to take care of in a household. That is, pay all the bills, make repairs, take care of finances, buy property and assets, and physically take care of the family in every way.
Ariadne Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 (Oh, and kind, responsible, honest, etc, that's a given and that doesn't make a good husband).
xxoo Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 A man should never depend on a woman being there for him when the chips are down. That is why should always look out for himself first. These good husbands that are the subject of this thread are also the ones who end up getting cheated and left all the time. When the wife he so devoted himself to turns on him then where does he have to turn? Woggle--I heard Offspring's song Self Esteem on the radio today and thought of you. Well, I thought of the husbands of the women you work with, and you by association. I'm sure I'm wasting my breath (er...keystrokes), but being a selfish partner is no healthier than being a selfless partner. There's a healthy, strong middle ground where life is really happy! You should come visit some of us who live here But I will agree that a healthy partner (husband or wife) is first a healthy individual, and a healthy individual does not devote themself to their spouse at the expense of their own physical or emotional health. We are each responsible for our own wellbeing, just as we are responsible to each other.
crazycatlady Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Woggle--I heard Offspring's song Self Esteem on the radio today and thought of you. Well, I thought of the husbands of the women you work with, and you by association. I'm sure I'm wasting my breath (er...keystrokes), but being a selfish partner is no healthier than being a selfless partner. There's a healthy, strong middle ground where life is really happy! You should come visit some of us who live here But I will agree that a healthy partner (husband or wife) is first a healthy individual, and a healthy individual does not devote themself to their spouse at the expense of their own physical or emotional health. We are each responsible for our own wellbeing, just as we are responsible to each other. Can I wander around with a "Ditto" sign to hold up after XXOO's posts? I love your opinions and thoughts on everything. Like most things in life, the middle is the place to be. CCL
cuppa Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 A good husband "to me" (as everyone is different) - caring, really listen and communicate - responsible - not threatened by his wife and let her grow to be who she is - passionate lover - sharing chores (I wash dishes, he takes out trash, etc) - treat each other as equal (partner)
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