Author alg24 Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 Very true everyone... Thank you Well since MM thinks I am textor he hates me which is a good thing meaning I know I am so weak. Him hating me will at least keep him away from wanting to be with me. He thinks I verbally (via text) went after his W and him. He thinks I am the sick one, and thankfully does not want anything to do with me. Despite that perhaps this did not hit my rock bottom, I truly think it did hit his rock bottom with me. I left my car unlock. After we spoke yesterday he hung up the phone on me and turned it off (extra phone for us) I again sent him a text "Your bag is in the back of the yukon unlocked. I do not want problems. Get it when you want." He turned the phone back on this morning (I saw the check mark) so I am sure he read the text message.
Author alg24 Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 I really did have this fantasy... And it hurts all around What really urked me is when he said "My friends told me that one girl loves one man so much she will do anything to be with him, even destroy his family-- that girl is you." (Because I told wife about herpes last year? And she never knew..) Oh wait, this is the man who said late August "I love you so much, please wait for me. You have changed me." Me telling him "We can have fun. I truly love you and do not want to be with anyone else right now BUT when it comes to marriage and children we are impossible." He asked "why!" He told me the other day textor destroyed his family... Can you take responsibility for anything? Perhaps you destroyed your family? You lied, cheated, lied, and um cheated... Maybe you destroyed your family. And I should not worry about it, but of course it upsets me, it does look like this textor could be me (I swear up and down it is not) but why would I? When MM has problems he blames me... Why would I want to create problems? I knew he and the W were finished... And I would never hurt someone like that I just wish, not for the relationship of MM and me, the textor could be found. But I was told its very difficult to find the person. Especially if it is prepaid. Anyway, thanks everyone. I know I sound so pathetic.
Author alg24 Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 Hey alg...he has your heart and he knows it...this reminds me of "traumatic bonding" ....it is so frustrating for you because each time you are sincere about ending it and then he calls (or communicates) and it's too hard for you right now to let go...it's like you have to play it out until a miracle takes place and you totally walk. So true. My roommate saw the month he and I were not together... She told me I was doing so well. He was the one who started texting me negatively and just starting. Before you knew it, my fault, he got me back.
whichwayisup Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 extra phone for us THROW OUT THAT PHONE. Why do you still have it? Seriously. Please get rid of it. Only you can change things. If you truly have had enough, just..stop.. Reacting, texting, calling. Start ignoring and doing EVERYTHING possible to avoid him. It hurts, but you will survive.
freestyle Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 You have more power than you realize at right there in your hands. Right now. As we speak. It's right there in your index finger, or thumb, whichever you use. I'd like you to try to visualize this......... A text comes in on your phone. You see it's from MM. Instead of opening it, and reading it, hit the "Delete" button. As the message disappears, feel yourself standing a little straighter, a little taller.The more you do this, the stronger you'll feel. You will be able to feel the strength of your own spirit again. Remind yourself that he can only push your buttons.....if you allow it. It's really that simple. All the power you need is right there in your fingertip. Delete. Delete. Delete. (((((hugs)))))
Author alg24 Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 MM has extra phone. My car is unlocked with his clothes. Let him think its me (textor), I told him many times know-- I cannot control him but me. I am just tired, numb, and hurt...
Joobi Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Hi! I think all the advice you have got so far is really great so I won't add anything there. I just wanted to tell you that I understand how you feel about being accused of something you have not done and want to set the record straight. I also really hate this. Unfortunately, I think that your MM also knows how much many people hate this. It is possible that he doesn't even think that the textor is you- after all the texts are in what is to you a foreign language- but that he knows that he can get to you this way as you will want to defend yourself and set the record straight (most people probably would imo). This way he gets himself back into your life again to destablise you. I really feel your frustration in this false accusation. But, You know that he is dead wrong about the identity of the malicious textor. You can hold your head high . Lots of hugs to you. This is a really hard situation, but you can be strong.
Author alg24 Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 Thank you. It just sucks. I am working today (around people) very busy... and this textor is forwarding me things MM wrote. I know how MM writes text messages, 100% he thinks its me. Textor asked me a name of someone... MM knows I have a friend named that particular name who speaks spanish (I have many friends that speak spanish- none of them would text MM and W) But now MM has it in his head I am the textor. But I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot change MM's thinking. Hopefully textor will be found... If not, maybe MM will always think its me. In a good way, perhaps this has hit MM's rock bottom. Lets be honest everyone, I pathetically have not hit my rock bottom. So perhaps this is a blessing in disguise MM thinks I am textor. What is screwed up is how MM said to textor is this (me). Of course textor will go with that. And I do not speak or wrote spanish. But the said thing is, it does look like me (swear its not- not my style and would never do anything like this), but just hurts none the less. We have both done very bad things to each other, but in his eyes me texting the soon to be exW disgusting things I am sure would be his rock bottom... I am so tired. Textor was texting me today "look what MM wrote..." I wrote MM a text on his real phone (do not know if he read it) But in a sum up I said I want EVERYONE to leave me alone. I am beyond tired.
whichwayisup Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 OMG...Just stop...TEXTING HIM PERIOD! There's no reason to!!! WHO CARES about his stuff in your trunk. Drop it off at friends house and ask them to deliver it to him or his stables. WHO CARES if MM thinks this or that..This textor is probably him, I agree. HE IS PLAYING a game with you, on purpose. He tells you he doesn't want you, yet he's still texting and calling you as well? Says you're crazy yet still replies to your texts? Get off this drama rollercoaster now. Just stop reacting. Block the number so you can't get texts anymore, or buy another phone, update your friends with your new cell. There's no reason to hang onto this cell unless you enjoy the harrassment and game MM is doing to you.
PhoenixRise Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 I still think MM is sending the texts to himself. Either way, I don't know why you continue to be a part of this texting nonsense. As long as you continue to participate, the longer it is going to go on. If you take yourself out of the loop, it won't be any fun anymore. You're keeping it fun for them. He KNOWS you are not sending the texts. Take yourself out of this loop. Consider this... In 3 years, no, 3 months- is any of this texting nonsense gonna make a darn bit of difference in your life? Most likely not. Stop letting them have their jollies at your expense. I think MM has another OW who is flipping out on him. He wants his wife to think it is the OP that way he never has to admit the existence of another OW (assuming his wife even cares anymore) and he is in a very calculated way using the situation to further demoralize and control the OP. There have been books written by "men" to teach other "men" how to control and manipulate women in the dating scene. There have also been books written by so called pimps that teach "men" how to take a woman who is vulnerable in some way and increase and magnify their insecurities all the while making them think the "pimp" is the only one who cares about them. Seems like this MM is taking a page out of these books. Alg24 I hope you take what I am saying in the spirit intended. I am not calling you names or putting you down. I am saying that you are/were vulnerable. AND this "man" is not accidentally hurting you. He is not confused. He DOES NOT think you are sending these texts. This is deliberate manipulation designed to break you down so that you will look to HIM even more for your validation. AND here you are...more worried about HIM thinking you are the one sending the texts than anything else, and completely overlooking the fact he has another OW flipping out on him. Alg24 I don't remember if you have said whether or not your friends and family know about your relationship with MM. But If this relationship is still a secret to the people who love you, please chose at least one person who you feel will have your best interest at heart and tell them the whole story. Including how you feel about possibly not being wanted by anyone else due to the herpes (by the way, you do realize MM knows you feel like he is your only option). AND if you haven't already, do some research and join a support group, online if need be, for people LIVING with herpes. You will see that your options are not as limited as you think. Best of luck to you.
2sunny Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 who is this psycho dude? man - is he a druggy? if he's not - it sure looks like he is... his behavior is so inconsistent a train couldn't keep up with the way he changes. do not attempt to keep in touch with a man that will never make sense to you. no one needs this kind of wasted energy - no one. cut off all forms of communication and start focusing on how to be happy - especially without him around.
fooled once Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 I just don't know what to say to you anymore hon (hug) You are going to continue to thrive on this drama. STOP reading these texts from whoever this 'textor' is. Just hit delete. Stop stop stop stop stop. You have the control, but I think you really are enjoying all this because it keeps you in contact with the MM. I fear your rock bottom is going to be when he comes over and beats the crap out of you. I hope it doesn't happen - I pray it doesn't happen. Block this textor, delete the texts, just stop all together. And what happened to you NOT responding to the MM anymore??? Please hon - PLEASE -- get some help. Call an abuse shelter. Call your parents and tell them what is going on. ((hugs))
Author alg24 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Hi everyone- The textor texted me a lot today... I was working/ very busy and actually had to turn my phone off. Whatever. I will go onto the verizon website tonight and attempt at blocking it (my dad has control) I thought it was perhaps another woman... But I have an idea of who this is... I think its a guy that use to work with MM. This guy use to hit on me, one day told me when I give him hugs in the morning it makes MM jealous (when he would see me he would yell out give me a hug! I tried to be polite) Then he started calling me. Got my number from the dry erase board... Long story short MM decided to not use him anymore once I told him of the calls, how he spoke about MM to me, and what he suggested we do. MM had him help a little this year, but did not give him the full time job again. Was very livid with him during the summer... I wouldn't be shocked if there are other woman but I think its this guy... When MM was away during the summer I saw him a lot.. He bought me plane tickets etc. When he came back home he was basically living with me. When he was not with me or at work I knew 100% he was with the kids... IT DOES NOT MATTER THOUGH I wash my hands clean of this whole situation. I do not care about the textor or any of this bull****. His crap is in my car unlocked. He wants it, go fetch it. Close friends do know about MM- canNOT stand him. Its funny, he will mention a friend and say I know they do not like me. He does not understand why my friends hate him. I prefer to not involve anyone else into this mess. If he wants his crap go get it.
Author alg24 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 I apologize to anyone if this offends them... I realize I need a ton of help... Getting out of this relationship, staying single until I better myself. This relationship is not about MM. Its about me lacking something. Why a 21 (myself) wants and tries to settle with this 38y/o makes no sense. He is crazy, all over the place, verbally abusive, and just switches. I attempt to cook, clean, and everything for him. I am trying to fill a void in my life. But the part I apologize... You would think with the herpes I would hate him... 100% he gave it to me... But I truly feel dirty and not wanted. Like I am beyond damaged good. I expressed that to my mom- she was a lost for words... I am beyond comfortable with MM which makes it hard to switch. We can lay in bed together. He running around naked. Me playing/making fun of his.... when we are laying together watching a movie. And I can just curl up very close to him and have the best sleep ever. Sudden he is telling me he does not want me anymore... And its beyond hurtful. But its reality Last year (before herpes he was a different man towards me) during the summer when I visited him he was so much different. But reality sunk in... The divorce, the splitting of the family. And its taking his toll All season (we live in a party small seasonal town) it was hell. Hot and cold. Up and down. Calling me late at night for a place to sleep. Showing up. YES, my fault for allowing it. But I cared. And I loved him. its hard because I still love him. He is in my blood still. In my heart. I never wanted to try to destroy his family. But I knew we could never be together This shorter older man from a foreign country and me this american girl that has been private schooled and spoiled her whole life... He could never place me which I think he found exciting. Not to sound snooty, but he has never been with a girl like me before. Had the parents who took care of me, supported me with school and the horse (excuse me) but worked all the time. Got up early, put in a full days work, and did school at night.... My head hurts... This hurts... I am one screwed up puppy.
pureinheart Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 So true. My roommate saw the month he and I were not together... She told me I was doing so well. He was the one who started texting me negatively and just starting. Before you knew it, my fault, he got me back. IMO, the reason you contacted back is because each time we keep hoping it'll be different, even if in the beginning we are trying to defend ourselves. With me, the bottom lin is I was hoping "he" was different and had changed "his" behavior. I took the pressure off of me and the NC, all of it and began to focus on me. I had been abusing me for quite some time, which opened the door for him to take things out on me. In all fairness, I was unable to get past the stuff he did to me because he was not all that sorry. I began to abuse back. What worked for me was being able to walk away from the feelings unhurt. The hurt I held on to kept him in bondage also. I expected to be payed back from him in the form of a good life, exDM amy never be able to do that so I finally let go of the way I expected my life to turn out and just went with the flow. Not trying to push my faith down anyones throat, just my story...if there was an "A" for effort in trying to get MM out of my mind I should have gotten it. I prayed long hours, begging God to get him out of my life, and was VERY sincere. I read every book, got councelling, OMG it felt like a pathetic attampt...my friends, family, all VERY frustrated with me...man I think I painted the picture. Screaming at God to the top of my lungs, "What am I doing wrong...I am trying sooooo hard, where are You God?"...to my amazement I heard, "Your trying too hard".... It's a process, we don't fail, we succeed eventually. It feels like failure because we fell like we let everyone down. So many people on this forum and at home spent so much time hearing me cry, everything. I felt so bad, especially with this forum, that many nice/cool people took the time to read and respond to my literal cries for help...everyone, was way cool. It's so frustrating...so if the frustration is removed, then clear/rational thinking can come in and eventually it gets better. I have come to terms that exDM is hurting very bad...so was I and still am, neither of us are the "bad guys" we're just two people trying to get through a day the best we can...the anger is gone, hating myself is gone, hating exDM is gone. I don't know what the future holds because I've let it go and am about my business, trying to get healthy and dealing with those issues that I've put under the rug...there was 40 yrs worth to clean up.
2sunny Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Hi everyone- The textor texted me a lot today... I was working/ very busy and actually had to turn my phone off. Whatever. I will go onto the verizon website tonight and attempt at blocking it (my dad has control) I thought it was perhaps another woman... But I have an idea of who this is... I think its a guy that use to work with MM. This guy use to hit on me, one day told me when I give him hugs in the morning it makes MM jealous (when he would see me he would yell out give me a hug! I tried to be polite) Then he started calling me. Got my number from the dry erase board... Long story short MM decided to not use him anymore once I told him of the calls, how he spoke about MM to me, and what he suggested we do. MM had him help a little this year, but did not give him the full time job again. Was very livid with him during the summer... I wouldn't be shocked if there are other woman but I think its this guy... When MM was away during the summer I saw him a lot.. He bought me plane tickets etc. When he came back home he was basically living with me. When he was not with me or at work I knew 100% he was with the kids... IT DOES NOT MATTER THOUGH I wash my hands clean of this whole situation. I do not care about the textor or any of this bull****. His crap is in my car unlocked. He wants it, go fetch it. Close friends do know about MM- canNOT stand him. Its funny, he will mention a friend and say I know they do not like me. He does not understand why my friends hate him. I prefer to not involve anyone else into this mess. If he wants his crap go get it. throw the phone away. throw MM stuff on the curb and let someone have it. he hasn't bothered to get it so who cares? and stop having other men buy you things. plane tickets? come on girl - grow up and start taking care of yourself. stop "needing" everything from men. stand on your own two feet and be strong. men prey upon vulnerable gals like you - get a boundary that keeps you happy, healthy and safe. start saying NO, NO, NO to anything that doesn't easily fit within the boundary. and quit depending upon men to make you happy. be happy without them - then they will be more respectful of the person you have become.
Author alg24 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 I am just thinking here, typing away, and venting... I do not think MM is horrible human. I think he made some really ****ty choices, he has no values, he cannot take action for his mistakes, and blames others.. When we first meet after a couple times he broke down, felt guilty told me this needed to end. I had no attachment so I let him go.. Well, he came back. He sat me down and told me this is just fun, it has no future it would be impossible. Backing up for a second.. I was 19 at the time.. I had lived on my own (with roommates here and there) and very dependent. I had never had a real relationship, let alone lived with someone, or had ever been in love... MM left in May (a couple months after meeting him) and we stayed in touch during the summer. Talked once a week... I saw him August a couple times (in the hometown) and we started an emotional affair September- October (talking everyday for about an hour) Come October we were back in seasonal town. He made the effort to see me all the time. Wall absolutely crazy in some ways... We really didn't fight that much. I remember New Years falling asleep in his arms. I woke up around 11:30 and he kissed me on my forehead and said "Happy New Year baby." I fell back asleep and woke up around 12:45.. I remember looking at him and thinking, **** I love him... After the herpes we started fighting... When he left for the summer (you can read in the posts i posted before) we ended it badly... He make the contact. We got back together... Went to see him this past summer.. Come October we were back in seasonal town again... Sometimes good and then awful.. Living together, him showing up... He would tell me sometimes, especially towards the end what do I want from him... New years he told me "he really does care about me.. But I deserve one man that can be everything for me... Someone who can really love me..." When I told him lets end it, he said no... I knew this year was so different. The stress, the 24/7 fighting... he didn't look at me the same... He use to wake up the mornings, roll over wrap his arms around me-- kiss the back of my neck and let out a big sigh... he would say sometimes his life is ****.. He is so unhappy. (I am not saying feel sorry for him) I pushed him a lot. But he knew what he was getting into with me. When I didn't see him enough I acted distant. When he went to leave my face would change. When we would fight I would call and call. I acted crazy as well. We were just so bad for each other.
Author alg24 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 When I hadn't seen him for a couple months and he picked me up at the airport in Kentucky I looked at him and thought to myself really, this is the man I love... But I fell back into it. We just need the distance, time apart. Well time apart forever.
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 . I will go onto the verizon website tonight and attempt at blocking it (my dad has control) At age 21, your dad should not have 'control' over your cell phone. Get the numbers you need (NOT MM) and SMASH THAT PHONE INTO TINY PIECES. Tell your dad you lost the phone. Your mom knows about MM, yes? Ask her to help you. Get therapy, do something because this nightmare isn't even close to over since you say he's still in your blood. There's alot more to love and a relationship than the "in the bedroom" dynamtic. I wish I could drag you away, far away from him and this situation.
Author alg24 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Everyone thank you. I read the posts 2-3 from everyone... Hockey, truly your post hit me hard... So true. I printed out 3 copies... He is an abuser. he is not a good man. I do not have men buy me things-- he paid for the plane tickets when I insisted I could cover it/half of it (put money in my wallet) but this man is sick. and making me sick Texting or responding to textor is keeping me in touch with MM. My dad controls the family plan... Nothing I can do about it... Anyway, what it comes down to is I need to STOP STOP STOP. Look at what he has done... abortion, STD, abuse.. He has not ruined my life but left me with A LOT of baggage. Cry, pine, whatever but do NOT contact. He is a sick puppy and if I truly do not enjoy this drama (which I don't) I need to cut all communication and ties with this man. Does not matter how I feel, my weak moments etc. Also, the clothes. I was stupid beyond. He keeps telling me to drop them off at his barn... I should not right? I gave him the chance to drive over to my apartment building (3 minutes away) and get them out of the truck... I really do look pathetic. I promise I am not one of these crazy girls that loves the drama.
2sunny Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 are you even reading these? because you act like you don't even acknowledge what people have typed. what are YOU going to do to change ALL of this? YOU, and only YOU. start doing something instead of complaining. take action. be precise about what that is going to look like - then do it.
Author alg24 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 I do not view this as a game. The rejection hurts.
2sunny Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 My dad controls the family plan... Nothing I can do about it... oh brother... yes there is - get a job - earn some money and start taking care of yourself. you're a big girl - now start acting like one.
Author alg24 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 I just don't know what to say to you anymore hon (hug) You are going to continue to thrive on this drama. STOP reading these texts from whoever this 'textor' is. Just hit delete. Stop stop stop stop stop. You have the control, but I think you really are enjoying all this because it keeps you in contact with the MM. I fear your rock bottom is going to be when he comes over and beats the crap out of you. I hope it doesn't happen - I pray it doesn't happen. Block this textor, delete the texts, just stop all together. And what happened to you NOT responding to the MM anymore??? Please hon - PLEASE -- get some help. Call an abuse shelter. Call your parents and tell them what is going on. ((hugs)) I think this is very true. Its not a cutesy thing anymore. And it will only get worse. I can bitch and moan all day long. But I need to change.
2sunny Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I do not view this as a game. The rejection hurts. who cares what it is - only YOU can make it look different than it does now. quit making excuses for your troubles - you have no one to blame but yourself. get out of all of this mess. rejection hurts - sure - but that is part of living. get on with life - move forward and stop relying on others for all of your needs. you need to start getting your needs met from YOU.
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