music3000 Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 I have a serious thing for an older guy, and now since I've halfway accepted it, I cannot get him off of my mind or what could be (I tend to get very passionate about my interests). Anyway, I'm 20 and he's 32. For the last year or so, things were very weird between us (well for me anyway). I began to feel like he was attracted to me, and that made me feel uncomfortable, because I knew he was older. It was very apparent, but also very subtle little things that made me take notice. I always believe that your intuition never fails you. I'm just very attracted to his spirit and how he feels to me when he's around. It always feels so nice and I can't explain why that is. His whole presence (maybe some kind of connection?) is hard for me to let go. It's just something that I feel nor can I explain it, and I've been feeling it for some time. Before I even accepted my feelings for him, I would always have dreams about him every night. Just of us talking and getting to know eachother (imagine how awkward that is when you have to see the person the next day!). It was always good dreams and I guess I was yearning for that. It's something that goes away and then comes back because I have hang ups about the age aspect. I'm well aware of the societal difference between the two of us, but to put it simply: it's just SOMETHING about him. I'm not somebody who dates a lot. Mostly because I notice that a lot of guys my age are just very immature and worried about one thing (not saying that older men don't do the same, because they do). I take a lot of account into somebody's sincerity and I'm just not getting it with anyone my age. They just don't know how to talk to a lady and only be concerned with being friends. That's why I'm attracted to the 32 year old. Though I feel like he's attracted to me, he never once made any kind of inappropriate remark or tried to "come on to me". Maybe he is only worried about being platonic, but I just feel differently. Also, I've always felt more comfortable with older people because people my age mostly make me feel uncomfortable and that I'm on a different level than them. I'm very much 20 years old and behave as such, but I have a very serious part to my personality. The thing is, I'm just worried about how my friends will take it. My really close friends keep telling me to go for it if I really feel that way about him, but some of my male friends tell me that it would just be sex for the older man. I'm not naive at all, so this could very much be. He could be playing the nice guy role, however, I just don't think that's the case. I don't feel like it is. They swear that an older guy and younger woman is just about the extra superficial things and they can't relate to one another. And then there is an issue with my family. I've spoken to them about my crush, and while I discuss it freely, they all agree that it wouldn't be good if I pursued it (and he would be a creep, craddle robbing fool!) I can't help it that they one guy I really like and actually feel really good about is 32. Though I'm 20, my mom has some control over my life, or atleast tries to, so I don't know if this could work out (since I still live at home). I don't know how to pursue this or let it happen naturally, or let him know that I want to get to know him better. I'm sure he's attracted to me, but I know that it isn't something he would act on (or he could just be behaving very friendly because he's such a friendly, smart man). Any advice? I need anything I can get because this is tearing me up inside.
Author music3000 Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 i really need some advice because i just dont know how to go about doing this!
linwood Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I don1`t see a problem with dating him if you want. See how it goes, its not like you`re diving into marriage and 2.5 kids. Have some fun, see what happens.
make me believe Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 How well do you actually know this guy? You have him and this attraction built up really high in your head, and I just want to make sure it's rooted in reality. 32 and 20 is a pretty big age difference IMO. My boyfriend is almost 32 and I can't imagine him with a 20 year old girl. However, it's not like he's 52, you know? If you want to date him I don't see much harm in giving it a shot. If you two really do have a connection, it won't matter what your parents or friends think. Just be careful, though. With age differences one of the big problems can be that the older person is ready to settle down & start a family, while the younger person still wants to go out & have fun. I mean, assuming you live in the US, you can't even legally get into a bar yet! You may hit a "party" stage that you're not expecting once you turn 21, and this older guy is more likely to have gotten that kind of stuff out of his system.
Author music3000 Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 i do sound pretty crazy dont i. thanks for not calling it that though. i have this bad habit of believing things to be something theyre not. i have a great imagination! most people of that age dont really take an interest in younger adults (unless there would be a specific reason to, like a teacher, or family member). it was just some things that struck me as odd behavior, considering the circumstances. some stuff that made me feel weird, but maybe he just considers me some kind of cool young adult. thanks though. it's appreciated.
ThisCharmingGirl Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 Go for it hon. Really, it's just you two. I know you care what your family and friends think. But live for yourself. It's your life! I would never feel comfortable talking to someone in person about this. But I really like this man. I can't describe it, I like everything that I know about him! His energy, his passion, his everything! I think about him often, and for the first time last week, I had a dream about him. Anyways... I can understand how you feel about liking a much older man! I am 19!! The man is 44! This is the strangest thing that has happened to me.
You'reasian Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 (edited) Go, but don't dive straight in... You are going to want to explore, you will change, you may feel you have a lot of dating to do, you are just hitting the edge of being adult. Society won't consider you an adult until your mid to late 20's (basing this off of insurance, education level etc.). If he's got a youthful spirit, then you may get along better than you imagine - but most of my fellow guys in there early 30's are somewhat settled in their ways. If your just dating, then its just dating. If this takes off into some kind of relationship, then communication is going to be even more important because of the age/experience difference. Edited April 10, 2010 by You'reasian
bac Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 There is the only problem about your situation. Does he want you as his GF? Does he has feelings for you? He might reject you easily for some reason. A man, 32 is probably still very immature. There is no significant age difference between you. IMO, deep inside, every guy, 32 would love to have sex with a girl, 20. But, I am sure only about man's sex drive. But, not every man, 32 wants a serious relationship with a girl, 20. And, also, not every man will follow his sex drive because of some rational reasons.
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