Stephie Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 I met my ex almost 3 yrs ago we fell in love deep and fast. We moved in together after only a couple months and 8 months later he proposed. We moved to a town closer to his son I left my job, family and friends and came to a town where i knew no one and didnt have a secure job. He had a job in the car buisness but that was a bust and we became flat broke. We had just borrowed a lot of money to get here in hopes to pay back soon but both without a job it took a toll. I got a job teaching at a preschool and he got a temp job working as a waiter. It still wasn't enough to pay bills but we managed put a big strain on our relationship we were both unhappy, worried, and gained a lot of weight. He found a job at a good company and we were able to make our bills but it didnt offer me happiness. I went into a depresion I was always worried. I picked fights with him stopped caring about myself. I couldn't go anywhere without him and I didn't like when he went without me. I thought because he use to couldn't spend a day without me that he should still want me around all the time. I got mad if he didn't go to the store with me I got mad if he didn't do some of the laundry I got mad if he wouldnt spend his only day off cleaning the house with me or going shopping with me. I accused him of cheating even though I knew he never would and everytime he would tell me to chill or something I would take as a threat and say or what, what are you going to do? Our sex life was almost non exsitent because I had gained so much weigth I just didn't feel sexy anymore but I didn't do anything to fix it a yr before we met I lost 50 lbs for 2 of my friends weddings but I couldn't do it for us. he had bad credit and everything we bought was in my name we weren't able to pay his child support and he owed the irs some money. I stressed daily. He came home at night did the dishes fixed dinner while I played on the computer I would stop long enough to eat and expect him to clean. I became a horrible person I thought buying him some new shoes or bringing him lunch would make up for all that. But don't get me wrong I loved him with everything. I was just so sad and he could tell he asked me whats wrong almost everyday and all I said was nothing. He tried to fix us and I never saw it. Then the last time I accused him of cheating was the last he told me he was done that I emotionally abonded him long ago and he couldn't fight for my love anymore. I begged him and saw the person I had become and wanted to change but it was too late. He couldn't do it anymore I am lost without him I swear I'm not a bad person he fell in love with me because of my heart. After we broke up he lost a lot of weight he stayed drunk and faught not to come home he said he still loved me and was so mad at me for it having to come to this for me to realize. He said he put himself in a deep dark place so I could find someone to make me happy. He called me a week later drunk saying he didnt have anywhere to sleep I let him stay here he held me all night long like he never wanted to let go he cried he got mad but the whole time kept saying we can't make this work. We continued to text and talk for a couple weeks until it came to the point where everytime we talked I would beg him to come home and he said to move on. I know he still cares because if he didnt he wouldn't respond to texts or emails, he keeps telling me to move back home. He is staying at a friends apartment right next door and its killing me. I don't want to move on I love him so much he was so good to me and now I feel like I will never meet someone who treated me as good as he did. I'm not blaming myself completely because he did have his faults and in the end when I saw the signs he walked away but if he fights so hard to stay away why does he. Everything in my body tells me he is the love of my life but he doesn't agree he says were toxic for eachother and it hurts. How do you push someone away you love so much? Is there ever hope again?
GrayClouds Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 First sorry for your pain. Second try to use paragraphs, makes it much easier to read and respond. Third you need to go No Contact, it is keeping hope alive and you from moving one. It will only continue to hurt you. Be kind to yourself, read and do the following.: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance?
Els Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Don't you think that's just repeating blanket advice, GC? Is there truly no hope in this situation? I personally think that life screwed both of them over, they both might still love each other but the guy just can't deal with the pain of having the woman he loved push him away anymore. OP: I really, really wish you hadn't kept begging him when you spoke to him, though. In your place I would stop asking him to come back but clean up my act, for my own sake as well as his. Show him you're capable of becoming the girl he fell in love with again. Time may heal. Or it may not - you also have to be prepared for that. This is, however, complicated by the fact that you're only there because of him, so you have to decide whether you can make it on your own there should he not come back... or move back. Tough decision, and I'm so sorry you have to make it.
GrayClouds Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Elswyth possible it is, but I am taking him at his words and actions, he left and telling her to move on, with that information, it seems like she should in the healthiest way possible. And even your own advice is for her clean up her act, follow the items in those links will do that. If she does then she will be better for it no matter what happens.
Author Stephie Posted April 10, 2010 Author Posted April 10, 2010 Ok I see the signs I see the person I became. I have always had a issue with the way I look body image and so on it eats at me all the time... When I met my ex I was 40 lbs lighter and happy. I was making good money, I was feeling good about myself, and I was independent. Then I met him and my life was complete. We started buying stuff lots of stuff at that time he was making good money and we figured it would be paid off in no time but that all ended. Then we borrowed money to move and it kept adding up. Got to a new town and I sat around the house for over a month no job, worried, and depressed and the weight started adding on. It didn't seem to bother him but it bothered me it put a damper on everything. I lost myself I gave up and let him take on all of it. I kept thinking I wasn't worthy and he would walk out and when he didn't I picked fights, put him down, and was just down right mean. I look now and I hate the person I became. It wasn't him that made me unhappy and thats what I truely believe he thinks. If he really is over me then why does he still care, I had a huge water leak he came by to make sure everything is ok and give me advice on what to do. I have tried the no contact thing but there is always something he text I text, email blah blah and to make it worse he is living right next door. He comes over to get the xbox control, weighs himself on our scale and leaves. I am no longer responding to any text, email, ph call nothing. Its like every time a small scab starts to heal he breaks it again I don't get it is he really that heartless? He also asked if we could go to bed together because its been so long and he doesn't want to sleep with a random person. I declined knowing my heart couldn't handle the pain then I thought really how cold of him, did I not mean anything to him after 3 yrs can he use me for his needs when he knows how heartbroken I am? His family is sick over the whole thing and I get from his mom how sick she is about it and prays for us and she will always love me as one of her own. Maybe he is waiting on me to find that girl again or maybe he is just really done I am so confused why fight to stay away so hard?
monkeymaid Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/ reread this as many times as possible. then get "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson. read that 3 times, and do everything in it. this is about your self esteem. rebuild it then reevaluate what you want in this, or any relationship.
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