WHERE did you meet up with MM/MW?

[Owl]

I'd say that ANYPLACE you try is going to have a pretty high element of risk.

 

Why not focus your energy/questions instead of either fixing or ending things in your marriage if it's gotten to the point you're considering cheating?

 

You'd be better served by working on that first...then you'd be free to pursue whoever/however you wished.

 

Just my suggestion.

[2sure]

Assuming you mean a place to have sex and not just be together as far as spending time:

 

If you cant have sex at the office, and you can not have sex in either of your homes (neither of which is unusual with both affair partners married)..

 

Then obviously you have to get a room. If you are uncomfortable having him pay for it each time...then pay for it yourself. If the expense of getting a small room in no-tell motel twice a month is too much of a burden for the two of you together...I guess you could do it in one of your minivans.

Note: This is why married people often prefer a single affair partner with a place

[Lizzie60]

Assuming you mean a place to have sex and not just be together as far as spending time:

 

If you cant have sex at the office, and you can not have sex in either of your homes (neither of which is unusual with both affair partners married)..

 

Then obviously you have to get a room. If you are uncomfortable having him pay for it each time...then pay for it yourself. If the expense of getting a small room in no-tell motel twice a month is too much of a burden for the two of you together...I guess you could do it in one of your minivans.

Note: This is why married people often prefer a single affair partner with a place

 

True.. I once met a lawyer who were specifically looking for a single woman for that reason.. he didn't want to risk it..

 

OP.. get a winnebago...

[Ella whispers]

I don't think you should do it.

Imo you will either get caught or caught up and regret it.

Office sex is great don't get me wrong but my house was much better.

I was th OW and I'm single.

[PhillySpecial]

It is possible to have sex with no emotional commitment or attachment- strictly dickly. But it does require a bit of emotional maturity. If all you want is sex and nothing but sex, and can handle your emotions I don't see a problem with that. If on the other hand your doing it because you're lonely, emotionally disconnected from your partner, seeking companionship elsewhere, looking for love, etc. then honey, you're getting yourself into a world of hurt. I've had it both ways- falling in love with the married person (but that's when I was younger) and ended up getting burned badly. And the other way- meeting twice a month for a couple hours- nothing but the sex, no emotional attachment. If and only if you can do the latter I say go for it.

[SouthernSunshine]

Actually... we just went to a field behind a church a few times, and in my car parked in a stranger's driveway, and finally a cheap motel. It was all very exciting! I left my morals at the door, and it felt so good, and fun!

[2sunny]

Well.... I know I'm not doing the "right" thing!!! But sometimes doing the wrong thing is what we humans do!

 

 

I could never invite him back to my place; he could never invite me to his. Spouses are there.

 

 

 

Honestly, if I were dating him (neither one of us married)

 

I like the gift card thing, though-- great idea. Devious and untraceable.

 

didn't anyone else notice the contradiction???

 

so which is it... married or not? :rolleyes:

[happygirl1234]

didn't anyone else notice the contradiction???

 

so which is it... married or not? :rolleyes:

 

 

No contradiction. I only meant to say IF neither one of us were married, we would probably be dating each other. Just a way of saying that I find him very attractive, and I think it's mutual.

 

Fortunately or unfortunately (guess it depends on perspective), we are both very married. And I have no plans whatsoever to leave my H. We have good communication, respect and steady, albeit not world-rocking, sex.

 

I'm just very attracted to the other guy and pondering the possibility of making an overt move to see if it's really mutual the way I think it is.

[happygirl1234]

2sunny. I think HG meant IF they were single(?)

HG- I really must say that there seems to be a little malice toward your H intended by the tone in your posts, but hey! If you can cheat on you hubs and look yourself in the mirror, go for it!

 

 

I do hope that malice isn't in my tone. It certainly isn't felt or intended. I have zero malice toward my husband. Honestly, he's great.

 

But is it possible to love someone (your spouse) and really, really just physically WANT someone else? Yes, I'm attracted to this OM. And yes, I am on the verge of making a move. But I don't love him. Respect him? Yes. Lust after him? Definitely. Love him? Definitely not.

 

A romp in the hay, I guess is what I'm thinking about. I know it's weird coming from a woman, but men want it all the time. And I understand that.

[Just a stone's throw]

yes, it is very possible. Probable and my personal experience. But when it's gone, it's gone and it sucks.... really sucks. to the point of it would have been better to not know what you're missing.

[Susmay]

Yes but my point is, that she is on nearly every post. Says something about her. I for one, find her annoying. I would welcome other's point of view and not to see her on every post. Boring.

 

I wouldn't know if she's on nearly every post as I'm not there myself.

 

If there are no "other's point of view" as you seem to say, does this mean she's communicating with herself?

[Passion4Life]

I do hope that malice isn't in my tone. It certainly isn't felt or intended. I have zero malice toward my husband. Honestly, he's great.

 

But is it possible to love someone (your spouse) and really, really just physically WANT someone else? Yes, I'm attracted to this OM. And yes, I am on the verge of making a move. But I don't love him. Respect him? Yes. Lust after him? Definitely. Love him? Definitely not.

 

A romp in the hay, I guess is what I'm thinking about. I know it's weird coming from a woman, but men want it all the time. And I understand that.

 

well if u say there is no malice how about leaving ur husband before sleeping with ur crush ? Are u sure he would be ok if he finds out because I can tell u in 99% of affairs truth comes out .

 

As I said earlier the moment ur mm will show any hopes about future , u will dump ur husband based on the same reasons u r having ur affair . A very common scenario on love shack .

[happygirl1234]

well if u say there is no malice how about leaving ur husband before sleeping with ur crush ? Are u sure he would be ok if he finds out because I can tell u in 99% of affairs truth comes out .

 

As I said earlier the moment ur mm will show any hopes about future , u will dump ur husband based on the same reasons u r having ur affair . A very common scenario on love shack .

 

Well, I don't WANT to leave my husband. And I most definitely would not dump my H if the MM showed hopes about the future. I don't want a future with the MM. I just want a roll in the hay.

 

Maybe I am unusual in being able to compartmentalize my life this way? Many, many years ago, when I was single, I had an A with a MM. While I admired him greatly, I never wanted him to leave his wife. And I never envisioned a future with him. It was just great sex and a nice companion.

 

My feelings for my current crush are pretty much the same way. I like him a lot as a friend. We have a lot in common. And I think he's hot. So I'm fantasizing about getting physical, and wondering how to go about it. But dreams of a future with him? No way. I don't want to trade one H for another. In the end, all sexual relationships get stale. So I assume that even my current crush would get that way, too. I am not idealizing him. He's just a hot guy that I'd like to see naked.

[pyroguy]

I do hope that malice isn't in my tone. It certainly isn't felt or intended. I have zero malice toward my husband. Honestly, he's great.

 

But is it possible to love someone (your spouse) and really, really just physically WANT someone else? Yes, I'm attracted to this OM. And yes, I am on the verge of making a move. But I don't love him. Respect him? Yes. Lust after him? Definitely. Love him? Definitely not.

 

A romp in the hay, I guess is what I'm thinking about. I know it's weird coming from a woman, but men want it all the time. And I understand that.

 

You know, I know you're not looking to get flamed, but really. This is another example of someone who treats the person closest to them like their not a human being.

 

You actually said you had respect for your husband-don't think so. Let me ask you something, does your husband have the same oppurtunity? I didn't think so. Are you brave enough to be a swinger and let him have a chance at some hot sex too with a stranger? Yes, I understand the feelings fully, but this is just wrong.

 

By the way, the mind-blowing sex you expect may not come to fruition, and even if it is, it will probably become the same routine thing down the road. The grass usually isn't greener love.

 

Also, why are so many women relegating their husbands to sexual mediocraty? These guys have no chance. Do these women, such as yourself look in the mirror ? How great are you? are you a porn star?

 

I swear, men must be the stupidest f***ing humans to ever get married anymore.

[happygirl1234]

yes' date=' it is very possible. Probable and my personal experience. But when it's gone, it's gone and it sucks.... really sucks. to the point of it would have been better to not know what you're missing. [/quote']

Stone's Throw,

 

Yeah, I hear what you're saying. There's something addictive about great sex (assuming it would be great, which I am).

 

But assuming there's no love involved-- just friendship and no strings attached sex-- there would be a withdrawal period (which would definitely suck) but then, on the other side, wouldn't it be better to have experienced the great sex than not?

 

I admit that this assumes: (1) the A would not be discovered; and (2) neither one of us would develop any "love" type feelings, just friendship.

 

Maybe these are both unrealistic. But the only reason I make these assumptions is because I had an A with a MM many years ago when I was single, and both assumptions turned out to be accurate. So I know it is at least POSSIBLE, even if not very common.

[happygirl1234]

Assuming you mean a place to have sex and not just be together as far as spending time:

 

If you cant have sex at the office, and you can not have sex in either of your homes (neither of which is unusual with both affair partners married)..

 

Then obviously you have to get a room. If you are uncomfortable having him pay for it each time...then pay for it yourself. If the expense of getting a small room in no-tell motel twice a month is too much of a burden for the two of you together...I guess you could do it in one of your minivans.

Note: This is why married people often prefer a single affair partner with a place

 

Yes, I can see the preference for a single affair partner for this particular reason (though single partners have many risks, so I would personally never want a single A partner).

 

We could definitely do the motel/hotel thing. And I'm sure if this ever comes to fruition this will be done. No minivans here, so a backseat will have to do, though it will be cramped!

 

I like the idea one poster gave about a blanket in the woods. Live near the beach and this could be good.

[xxoo]

I do hope that malice isn't in my tone. It certainly isn't felt or intended. I have zero malice toward my husband. Honestly, he's great.

 

But is it possible to love someone (your spouse) and really, really just physically WANT someone else? Yes, I'm attracted to this OM. And yes, I am on the verge of making a move. But I don't love him. Respect him? Yes. Lust after him? Definitely. Love him? Definitely not.

 

A romp in the hay, I guess is what I'm thinking about. I know it's weird coming from a woman, but men want it all the time. And I understand that.

 

Of COURSE it is possible to love someone and lust for another! It is totally normal and human, and the normal experience of most monogamous people on earth. Your experience of lust for your coworker is in no way unique. Neither, sadly, is your apparent decision to betray your H and cheat.

 

You have a LOT to lose. If you do this, be sure it is with your eyes wide open to who you are betraying and what you have to lose.

[whichwayisup]

You have a LOT to lose. If you do this, be sure it is with your eyes wide open to who you are betraying and what you have to lose.

 

Exactly. Is an evening of hot lustful sex worth throwing away your marriage? All that you're used to and have in your life? Inlaws, extended family, life as you know it.. All for what? A good f^$K? Sounds selfish, to be honest.

 

Focus that energy into your husband instead. Make your sex life with him more exciting rather than selfishly go screw someone else because you're in lust.

[happygirl1234]

Well, girl, two things to ponder upon:

what if you get caught?

what if your hubs decided to get a lil on the side? That be ok?

If you can get around these things, go for it! If the hubs is a dud in the sack, well, sometimes a good old romp just cheers a girl up.

Hey, if you don't get caught, nobody gets hurt, right?

 

I think a lot of people get caught because, in some weird way, they WANT to get caught. Maybe they're mad at their spouse and it's some "revenge" for something the spouse has done (or hasn't). Maybe they want out of their marriage but don't have the guts to just leave. Maybe they want their spouse to get jealous so that their spouse will pay more attention to them.

 

But I really do NOT want to get caught. Now the risk, as I see it, is that the MM that I'm crushing on WILL want to get caught, and this will put my own marriage at risk. So that definitely scares me.

 

Setting ground rules at the beginning seems really important. I wonder how often this really happens or gets discussed, though?

 

As for my husband doing the same thing, I would be deeply hurt, but I would want to know why. And if the "why" was something I could fix, I would fix it. And it it wasn't, I would think of leaving him. But I'm not 100 percent sure about the leaving part, since we have a child together. So I might be one of those who stays together until the child goes off to college. We don't fight and get along well as friends, so staying with my H (assuming he'd want to stay with me) wouldn't be difficult for me.

[pyroguy]

I think a lot of people get caught because, in some weird way, they WANT to get caught. Maybe they're mad at their spouse and it's some "revenge" for something the spouse has done (or hasn't). Maybe they want out of their marriage but don't have the guts to just leave. Maybe they want their spouse to get jealous so that their spouse will pay more attention to them.

 

But I really do NOT want to get caught. Now the risk, as I see it, is that the MM that I'm crushing on WILL want to get caught, and this will put my own marriage at risk. So that definitely scares me.

 

Setting ground rules at the beginning seems really important. I wonder how often this really happens or gets discussed, though?

 

As for my husband doing the same thing, I would be deeply hurt, but I would want to know why. And if the "why" was something I could fix, I would fix it. And it it wasn't, I would think of leaving him. But I'm not 100 percent sure about the leaving part, since we have a child together. So I might be one of those who stays together until the child goes off to college. We don't fight and get along well as friends, so staying with my H (assuming he'd want to stay with me) wouldn't be difficult for me.

 

 

So, then we should assume that something needs to be fixed? if so, why is he not given the same oppurtunity?

[pyroguy]

Exactly. Is an evening of hot lustful sex worth throwing away your marriage? All that you're used to and have in your life? Inlaws, extended family, life as you know it.. All for what? A good f^$K? Sounds selfish, to be honest.

 

Focus that energy into your husband instead. Make your sex life with him more exciting rather than selfishly go screw someone else because you're in lust.

 

But see, as a man, these reasons wouldn't make me feel better. It may make a woman warm and fuzzy, but not many men. Ego? mybe, but why shoudn't men be allowed to have an ego these days?

 

If my wife needs to be with me for the above reasons, forget it. She can keep it all, including my parents and just go f**k the new man. It's a huge blow to the ego, one which may destroy the ego for good.

 

Again, why are modern day women getting married? they clearly are not into their husbands, and/or are worse than men at lusting after every other male but the husband. I swear, I'm so close to telling my son to NEVER get married, ever.. or just be gay:confused:.

[happygirl1234]

 

 

So, then we should assume that something needs to be fixed? if so, why is he not given the same oppurtunity?

 

Well, he has been given many years of exclusive opportunity. Does my H have something that needs to be fixed? Maybe. He and I are not particularly sexually compatible. It's not BAD, but it's not as GOOD as I know it can be. My H has a sex drive that's healthy, but he has no staying power and it's over before I can get really warmed up. We have talked about it and there are times when I am happy with masturbating or oral sex prior to the main event. But I actually PREFER the main event myself-- good old fashioned f****ing. But it doesn't last very long with my H. He just can't seem to last very long.

 

Not really his fault. I love that he still wants me. And I want him, too. But I don't get enough of him in the way I still want a man. A hard, stiff man!

 

I also have a level of kinkiness that my H isn't really that into. He is willing, true, but it gets him so excited that it doesn't last very long.

 

We have tried various techniques to prolong him but nothing seems to work.

 

So it comes down to an issue of stamina and sexual style. Not compatible in that sense, but we are compatible in almost every other way. That's why I really mean it when I say that I love my H.

[pyroguy]

Well, he has been given many years of exclusive opportunity. Does my H have something that needs to be fixed? Maybe. He and I are not particularly sexually compatible. It's not BAD, but it's not as GOOD as I know it can be. My H has a sex drive that's healthy, but he has no staying power and it's over before I can get really warmed up. We have talked about it and there are times when I am happy with masturbating or oral sex prior to the main event. But I actually PREFER the main event myself-- good old fashioned f****ing. But it doesn't last very long with my H. He just can't seem to last very long.

 

Not really his fault. I love that he still wants me. And I want him, too. But I don't get enough of him in the way I still want a man. A hard, stiff man!

 

I also have a level of kinkiness that my H isn't really that into. He is willing, true, but it gets him so excited that it doesn't last very long.

 

We have tried various techniques to prolong him but nothing seems to work.

 

So it comes down to an issue of stamina and sexual style. Not compatible in that sense, but we are compatible in almost every other way. That's why I really mean it when I say that I love my H.

 

But are your really in-love with him? and, didn't you have sex before you were married? you knew what he was about.

 

Also, how long are you looking for? I can understand wanting to last, and sometimes I have the opposite issue-taking too long, but all this talk about marathon sex is a bit exaggerated, I think.

 

I was just listening to Playboy radio the other day, and the host and her partners were talking about this. They are very sexual uninhibited people and the majority didn't need marathon pounding. The whole experience was important, and if all was well , the actual intercouse didn't need to go on and on. Like I said, these are all experienced sexual women who say this, yet you hear some of these women who claim to want to be pounded forever. I never met those women either:rolleyes: only on the internet

[pyroguy]

And, what's so kinky that you think he can't handle. I suspect that many spouse can if given the chance.

[happygirl1234]

 

But are your really in-love with him? and, didn't you have sex before you were married? you knew what he was about.

 

Also, how long are you looking for? I can understand wanting to last, and sometimes I have the opposite issue-taking too long, but all this talk about marathon sex is a bit exaggerated, I think.

 

I was just listening to Playboy radio the other day, and the host and her partners were talking about this. They are very sexual uninhibited people and the majority didn't need marathon pounding. The whole experience was important, and if all was well , the actual intercouse didn't need to go on and on. Like I said, these are all experienced sexual women who say this, yet you hear some of these women who claim to want to be pounded forever. I never met those women either:rolleyes: only on the internet

 

That's pretty funny-- only on the internet!

 

How long? Well, more than five minutes would be nice! It rarely goes past that with my H.

 

Part of the problem is that I can reach the O pretty quickly, but then I like to have a bit of a refractory period, where I just give him some oral or whatever. But if I do this, he will not last. And I am capable of multiple orgasms (honestly, had a skilled BF many moons ago who managed somehow miraculously to get me to have over 50 orgasms in a long, multi-hour session. don't know how he held his erection that long, but he did). *sigh*

 

So I know that physically I'm capable of a lot more sexual satisfaction. I don't need non-stop pounding, but I do like more of this than I get. And it would be nice if it could last for more than one O-- and often times, I don't even get the one because I haven't gotten warmed up enough by the time my H climaxes.

 

So.... Yes, I really do love him. Love is not just sex.

 

Yes, I did know he wasn't the best lover I'd ever had when I married him. But I loved him, for other reasons. Beautiful blue eyes, kind heart, sharp mind, nice style, honest, and willing to put up with me.