scaredinlove Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Our affair ended September 2008 almost 2 years ago and I still miss him ... The worse part is that I am dating the most sweet guy in the planet and I am falling in love with this new person, but I feel as if exMM is breathing in my neck . Today my SG stopped by and had dinner with me and kids and we had a great time// After he left I was in heaven and all of sudden I got nostalgicc remembering the times when ex MM took me and kids out and the good times we all had together. Sometimes I walk in a store and something reminds me of him , or the phone rings and I wonder if that is him...I hate when he pops in my memory, and sometimes I miss him a lot and it hurts. No! i don't want to ever see him again! Arg... I am happy now , a lot happier ...why is he still lingering in my mind? I guess 7 years is a very long time and the feelings I had for him were very deep so it takes time to forget? Is anyone here in the same situation?
awkward Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 When I read your post I thought of an ex-smoker remembering the high and triggering. I'm told that in time I will no longer miss smoking. It's great to hear about your SG.
GreenEyedLady Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 SIL: It takes time to heal our wounds. It's ok to have a memory, a good memory, of someone that we loved and cherished. Just tell yourself that time is over and now you are moving on. Enjoy what you have, with who you have it. There is a time for everything under the sun, and now it is this man's time in your life. Love, GEL
whichwayisup Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Hey SIL!! It is what it is...You were close with your exMM for many years...Maybe you'll always love him in some sense, care about him .. Focus on today and tomorrow, not yesterday and the past. Seems you have someone really nice in your life now and sure it may not be that intense lust love you felt for your exMM, but what you have now is long lasting, honest and a different kind of love that fulfills ALL your needs, the important ones anyway.
Author scaredinlove Posted April 9, 2010 Author Posted April 9, 2010 Thanks for the kind answers AwKward i think i know who you are but you change your screen name? Yep I guess it is like a ex smoker remembering when they smoked...ha ha JT It is not like he is stopping me from living my life...I don't think of him much..from times to times he comes to my mind... and it bothers me cause i wish i would never think of him again. Hey Gel Love to you too...Yep I guess it is unrealistic of me to think everything should be erased...For the longest time I didn't think of him much, but lately it start poping up here and there. It maybe cause I am starting to fall in love again and maybe it trigger memories? must be. WWIUP, Yep MM was fire SG is like a quiet lake , they are like night and day...I like the peace that SG brings me...He is very peacefull sometimes TOO peacefull I think you hit the nail when you said I will always care for MM at some level... I guess I have to come to terms with that... Maybe i am just being to hard on myself... I am moving on and i've came a long long way...I guess I will have to live with his memory here and there...He has been very important in my life.... Thanks again
Fallen Angel Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Sil, I think that having a few fond memeories come back to you now and then is a good thing, as long as it is not an all the time thing. I think it is a sign of true healing. In my opinion, being able to look back on any lost relationship, and feel "nostalgic" about it means that you are letting go of the hurt, and anger, and allowing yourself to feel the good things you got from that relationship. I am sure that you grew a lot from your experiences with him, and now you are putting that growth to good use in your relationship with this new man. If you had never had the experiences you did, you would not be the person you are today, and don't you think the person you are today is pretty damned good? Allow yourself occasional looks back, to remind you of how far you have come. Go easy on yourself, you deserve to be treated kindly, especially by you!!!
awkward Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 AwKward i think i know who you are but you change your screen name? Yep I guess it is like a ex smoker remembering when they smoked...ha ha Nope this is my only screen name for LS although I wish I could change it. It is a reference to the Big Brother TV show. I wish I would have picked something cute and related to love like HopelessRomantic. I hope your wings are mending and all is well with you.
Hazyhead Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 SiL, firstly, that's great that you're falling in love again after the affair. A year and a half seems like a pretty decent healing time... to me anyway, I'm only on 10 weeks. I suppose if we're close to another for so long we're always going to think about them... I don't know. I'm sorry that it makes you sad sometimes and I hope your new relationship eases this, and eventually erases it for you. Keep going and I'm sure the painful thoughts will soon be a thing of the past. ((((hugs))))
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