aerogurl87 Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Would you voluntarily offer such information to your new SO? Just wondering Link to post Share on other sites
PhillySpecial Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 To what end would you be voluntarily offering that information? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 I mean if you were talking about someone cheating in the past and the topic just came up or worse yet, if your SO asked had you cheated in the past. Personally I wouldn't, but that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnP82 Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 I mean if you were talking about someone cheating in the past and the topic just came up or worse yet, if your SO asked had you cheated in the past. Personally I wouldn't, but that's just me. So you would lie? Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Good question. I would be truthful and say yes if I was asked. I would only offer that information if I saw that it was getting serious. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 If it's asked of me, I will be honest and say yes. The guys I've been involved with after that relationship have all commended me on my honesty and my willingness to trust and open up to them. I wouldn't ever lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 So you would lie? Depending on the person. If it weren't serious yeah, if it were and I actually trusted the person, no. Luckily my boyfriend hasn't asked me such a question and I'm hoping it stays that way. Link to post Share on other sites
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Only if it was asked... but if it was asked on a first or second or even third date, then I find it somewhat inappropriate as there is so many other interesting things to talk about... or very revealing about that person's fears, which may open up a lot more issues and baggage. As things progressed, things like that could come up of course and its absolutely no problem to talk about and share things of that rather personal and intimate nature. it really depends on the situation and the person... more times than not, I have been in such intimate and personal discussion with people I had no idea I was going to be intimate with or have a connection with later... Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Somethings about people's past is better left unknown. Like sexual history. Then of course if they ask, the big question is whether to lie or not. I know with myself that when I ask a question, I may not always be ready for the answer, especially if its the answer is what I didn't want to hear. Then everything goes downhill from there. I think when you've just started seeing one, these type of conversations are better left unspoken. Once you get the opprotunity to see the overall quality of the person, and you think there is a potential for LTR, then these discussions can start, because now you can see beyond the answer and focus on the qualities you enjoy about the person. If someone told me that they cheated, but I really enjoy being with them, I would like to know why. It makes the answer potentially more palitable, then telling someone who you are just dating and accepting the answer and not dwelling on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mutant Debutante Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 I'm not a cheater. But if I'm walking into a serious relationship, I do it all the way with no lies. Why establish trust on half-truths or lies of omission? Seems kinda skanky and cowardly. I would lose more respect for a bf for being too gutless to face his past and share it with me than for messing up a few times in the wayback when. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Having never cheated I have no problem saying it. If a possible relationship interest told me she did? Having been cheated on I would call that a possible red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
eraser Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 So you would lie? A cheater...lying? Say it ain't so! Link to post Share on other sites
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 A cheater...lying? Say it ain't so! Lol, well the circumstances were kinda fuzzy. Like the fact I didn't know we were in an exclusive relationship since he was still "talking" to other girls at the time. But yeah I cheated once, never did it again and I guess I'd have to explain that. Link to post Share on other sites
eraser Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Lol, well the circumstances were kinda fuzzy. Like the fact I didn't know we were in an exclusive relationship since he was still "talking" to other girls at the time. But yeah I cheated once, never did it again and I guess I'd have to explain that. Oh, well, that's different. I've had a couple of guys be utterly convinced they were my boyfriends before. I, also, had no idea they thought of themselves this way. I wasn't sleeping with anyone, but it got very messy, as I was "talking" to other guys at the same time. So, I know what that's about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 Oh, well, that's different. I've had a couple of guys be utterly convinced they were my boyfriends before. I, also, had no idea they thought of themselves this way. I wasn't sleeping with anyone, but it got very messy, as I was "talking" to other guys at the same time. So, I know what that's about. Yeah well he swore up and down that we were exclusive at that point, so I guess I cheated on him from his POV. Although he cheated on me through our whole relationship (and this was after we both agreed to be exclusive). Link to post Share on other sites
eraser Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Yeah well he swore up and down that we were exclusive at that point, so I guess I cheated on him from his POV. Although he cheated on me through our whole relationship (and this was after we both agreed to be exclusive). If the issue comes up with your new boyfriend, just say something like, "I didn't know he wanted to be exclusive so I was acting like I was still single and I unintentionally hurt his feelings." I think that sums it up. I would also point out that he cheated on me throughout the entire relationship, just to show the new boyfriend what a d-bag can look like. Link to post Share on other sites
PhillySpecial Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 I mean if you were talking about someone cheating in the past and the topic just came up or worse yet, if your SO asked had you cheated in the past. Personally I wouldn't, but that's just me. If I was dating someone new, and they asked me if I'd ever cheated on a former SO I'd tell them the truth. #1 Don't ask the question if you aren't prepared for the answer, #2 It wasn't them I'd cheated on. Everone has a past. Let's face it most people have either been cheated on or been the ones doing the cheating, so that's reality and I think people need to face the facts about that. If the new SO is too insecure to deal with asking a question and getting an honest answer... I dunno. That may be red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 If the issue comes up with your new boyfriend, just say something like, "I didn't know he wanted to be exclusive so I was acting like I was still single and I unintentionally hurt his feelings." I think that sums it up. I would also point out that he cheated on me throughout the entire relationship, just to show the new boyfriend what a d-bag can look like. Well my new boyfriend hasn't asked me if I ever cheated but he knows about my past with my ex. He knows about all the cheating, lying, being called every name in the book by him, and how he left me for someone else. But if he were to ask I guess I could say it like that because honestly I figured we were just talking, not actually together. Especially since my ex was chasing every girl he showed him the slightest attention behind my back. Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernSunshine Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Sadly, I would lie. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 never cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Magnet Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 There's no way I would lie about it, I suck at remembering lies, so it's best to just go on and blurt out the truth. I did cheat on a guy back in college, one time, and that was that. I've never done it or thought about doing it again. If a guy can't see my 10 year relationship history of NOT cheating since then and he's so focused on something I did at 20, he's got some issues. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 I've never cheated but been cheated on. And yes, I've fessed up without being asked or prompted in any way and not once did it have any impact. Many times, people assume that people who've been cheated on are at fault for the cheating. IMO, the best thing that can happen is if someone believes this, they're welcome to walk away. None did and most definitely not my husband. Compatibility of values and their associated judgements matter, if you're looking for anything long-term. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Would you voluntarily offer such information to your new SO? Just wondering I have not read the thread.. but I would think that it would be really ridiculous to divulge so much information.. the past cannot be changed.. so why would someone kill a relationship before it even starts... dumb..dumb.. dumb.. Link to post Share on other sites
VertexSquared Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 I've never cheated, but if I did, I'd be honest about it if asked. Link to post Share on other sites
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