I can't decide whether a break up is the best thing to do...

[Effloresco]

Hello, everyone! I've been combing through the forums and everyone here seems like they give great advice. I've talked to friends, but they, of course, are biased. So here goes:

 

I have been together in a serious and committed relationship (my first!) for 2+ years, half of which has been long distance. We are both in our early 20s. We have had the usual ups and downs, but this past half a year has been more bumpy. My eyes and thoughts have started wandering more, and I was actually attracted to a friend of mine a few months ago (but I nipped that in the bud).

 

I'm not going to bash him - he's a good guy and we have a good, loving relationship. He accepts me entirely for who I am, and doesn't ask me to change for him. He is super patient with me (not that I'm dramatic), loyal, very caring, trusting and trustworthy, honest, and stable. I know he loves me to death and and would do A LOT for me. These are all qualities that I am very grateful to have. But there have been recurring problems that I can't seem to get over:

 

1. Conversation -- this is the biggest thing. I love talking about anything and everything (although I enjoy quiet, too; I'm not a blabbermouth ). I've almost broken up with him over it three times, with the last time being the closest I've ever come. With that last time, he said he finally understood that I wanted him to be more engaged and bring more to the table. He said he would try, but it's not the way he is, so it would either take a long time, or I should never expect that he be "on par" with me. I don't expect him to be chatty like my girl friends are. But it's just not easy to carry on a conversation unless there's some kind of "point," like what he did during the day or what he's currently doing (the majority of our conversations). Talking randomly and just going with the flow is hit-or-miss. Even my friends have stopped trying to chat him up because they find it difficult and tiring.
   
2. Parents -- he listens to his parents a little too much for my liking, and it has affected our relationship more than once.
   
3. Little self-exploration/growth -- I've grown a lot during the course of the relationship, but he has stayed pretty much the same aside from changing the things that have caused problems in the relationship. However, he is happy with the way he is.
   
4. No social life -- he pretty much only hangs out with me. He has some classmates that he socializes with, but he doesn't really care about them. He didn't bother to keep in touch with friends from high school, and while he gets along with mine, he doesn't integrate into the group. His life basically consists of: family, work/school, me, watching TV, and our shared hobby.

 

Some friends tell me that there's a reason I keep having the same issues over and over, while another friend tells me I keep focusing on the negative and should focus on what is good about him, and to be patient. They also remind me that I don't get to see him on a daily basis, which may factor into the whole equation as well.

 

I figure I'll know when I know, but in the mean time, this limbo is very stressful. :\ I love him a lot, and there are some days when I'm ridiculously happy, yet other days like these where I think about breaking up. I can't help thinking that I could find someone more compatible, and if that's the case, then I know I should end it soon. I know he sees me as someone he might want to marry in the future, while I've always fluctuated back and forth.

 

Please give any advice you might have, and feel free to be blunt!! Thanks for reading.

Edited April 8, 2010 by Effloresco