MrNate Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Good title. My fellow men, what do you think are some of the biggest issues men face these days in the dating realm? What do you think it takes in order to have a richer dating life? I would say one of the biggest issues we have is the whole 'nice guy'/ jerk syndrome. Personally, it bothers me how the nice guy automatically gets labeled with all the wussy characteristics, and the jerk is automatically awesome. It's so pointless. Why can't a nice guy be awesome? Any one else want to chime in?
A O Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 What do you think it takes in order to have a richer dating life? Understanding that a woman has to prove herself to be worthy of him every bit as much as a guy does to her. Historically, its been one-way traffic - men proving their worthiness. In this day and age, that no longer holds true. .
Author MrNate Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Understanding that a woman has to prove herself to be worthy of him every bit as much as a guy does to her. Historically, its been one-way traffic - men proving their worthiness. In this day and age, that no longer holds true. . Fantastic point. I would have to agree in the fact that those men who view women in abundance have a more successful dating life. And understanding that the man also has value as well. The woman should be working for his attention just as hard as he is. Great point A O.
alphamale Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 My fellow men, what do you think are some of the biggest issues men face these days in the dating realm? the quality of the women is a big issue
marsle85 Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Male Empowerment Thread LS isn't exactly deficient in this department. And I think that's a standard a lot of men put on themselves. My friends and I would be considered "hot" - and every single one of them is dating guys who are definitely nice-guys. Personally, I grew up with 2 older brothers playing WOW every day. They could be called nerds - but they're my heroes and both have the quirkiest, most refreshing sense of humor. I want something real. I grew up with real, I won't settle with less. Plus- I'm corny, corny is fun! My best friend (I can't believe I'm going to do this) is easily a 9 dating a 6 physically. He's sarcastic as hell though, and very intelligent. I couldn't see my friend with anyone else at this point. Overall, personality DOES matter the most. While attractiveness gets you through the door - personality makes you stick around.
sagetalk Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 There are numerous problems men face, one of the most disapointing I've found is the low self esteem modern day women seem to have. It's an epidemic that almost no one talks about. I have gone out with and known girls that were knockouts, but they all seem to say the same thing, they have low self esteem. They (and their friends/family) have told me this word for word. Why is it so bad for us guys? Because it causes them to settle for losers who treat them poorly or who are way below what they deserve. I think it is one of the main reasons why treating women well is not as effective as being arrogant, cocky/funny. This low self esteem makes them vulnerable to games, players, and losers. All things a decent guy will not do to a girl. I don't know how you increase a woman's low self esteem, sometimes it feels like you're trying to find the cure for cancer. And, in some ways, you are.
TheBigQuestion Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 One of the biggest issues is definitely the "nice guy/jerk" false dichotomy, although I wouldn't characterize it the same way that the OP did. It becomes an issue when a guy develops a persecution complex, where he says "I'm a nice guy and no girls want me because I'm kind, understand, attentive, etc." This is complete and utter BS. Being "nice" does not entitle a guy (or a lady) to a relationship. Being an interesting, complete, and confident person (or at least demonstrating effort to be so) is far more important. Check out this "Ode to the Nice Guy." It exemplifies the pitiful behavior you see here from some of the self-professed beta-males. http://jagszone.com/other/ode_guy.html I first read this when I was in high school. Back then, I was a virgin who had never kissed a girl, was fairly unathletic, as well as socially reserved and hermit-like. Even back then, when girls were often talking to me in a "friend" type manner a lot, I thought this article was self-indulgent, pitiful garbage. The fact that there were males out there who seemed this castrated was disturbing to me. Keep in mind who I was at that time too. If that's how I perceived it then, imagine how disgusting this attitude is in reality.
Woggle Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 The big issue is that men today have no self respect and are quick to let a woman walk all over them.
alphamale Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 The big issue is that men today have no self respect and are quick to let a woman walk all over them. indeed, that too....women are running the show
Woggle Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 indeed, that too....women are running the show That is in large because we let them though.
Author MrNate Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 The big issue is that men today have no self respect and are quick to let a woman walk all over them. due you think this is, in part, due to the media?
xpaperxcutx Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Personally I find the whole " nice guy/girl" tirade a ploy used to the advantages of marketing gurus to exploit people unlucky in love to seek out help. It's as much an excuse as many. If you have to talk about why most males are unlucky in love, actually do blame society's view that unless you're beautiful, rich, smart and fits a certain respectful mold, then yes, it can become frustrating. The same can be said of women. Why not settle for another objective and try a different approach? Instead of saying " yeah, I'm a nice guy" go for more approachable adjectives like " yeah, I'm awesome, I'm confident", and if need be go for " I'm charming" ( a little overkill but you get the idea).
Author MrNate Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 One of the biggest issues is definitely the "nice guy/jerk" false dichotomy, although I wouldn't characterize it the same way that the OP did. It becomes an issue when a guy develops a persecution complex, where he says "I'm a nice guy and no girls want me because I'm kind, understand, attentive, etc." This is complete and utter BS. Being "nice" does not entitle a guy (or a lady) to a relationship. Being an interesting, complete, and confident person (or at least demonstrating effort to be so) is far more important. I wholeheartedly agree. Which is why I thinnk we should get rid of the term 'nice guy' all together.
Woggle Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 due you think this is, in part, due to the media? The media is part of but it is the cultue in general. Men have lost our oomph and our passion and we need to get it back.
yaleorbt Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Because of the internet, too many people (men and women) sit inside and don't try to meet people in person anymore. Instead, they'd rather put a profile up for themselves on a dating website and see what dates they can get rather than going outside and actually socializing. I think this has detrimental effects on both sexes. First, I think it objectifies people due to the fact its just like shopping through a catalog looking for the prettiest product. And second, coming from a male perspective, it seems many women use it strictly for validation to get male attention. Their standards then increase with the premise of, "Look at all the attention I get here, surely I deserve a 10!", when what they bring to the table is severely lacking.
A O Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Fantastic point. I would have to agree in the fact that those men who view women in abundance have a more successful dating life. And understanding that the man also has value as well. The woman should be working for his attention just as hard as he is. Great point A O. Thank you. There are numerous problems men face, one of the most disapointing I've found is the low self esteem modern day women seem to have. It's an epidemic that almost no one talks about. I have gone out with and known girls that were knockouts, but they all seem to say the same thing, they have low self esteem. They (and their friends/family) have told me this word for word. Speaking of great points - this is another beauty. Why is it so bad for us guys? Because it causes them to settle for losers who treat them poorly or who are way below what they deserve. Yes, and another downside is that it skews the male viewpoint towards 'all' women rather than those who deserve it the most -the low self-esteem types. Men need to be far more aware of these types of women. On an even bigger level though, is working out the root cause of low self-esteem and dealing with it, constructively, from there. .
Pyro Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Alos because some men go along and actually believe in those stupid childish immature games that are depicted in pop culture and cheesy comedies about playing it hot and cold with women, the waiting 3 days before you call her routine, lets put on a stupid act and pretend to be someone we are not. The simpler, less confusing, and less of a headache approach is to not put on any stupid acts, play childish games and just be who you are. Not every girl you meet is going to be interested in who you are, but that is fine. That is what life is and that is what dating. Dating is strength in numbers. The more you fall, the more you learn, which will help you in the long run.
Pyro Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Just to add: generally the type of women who find those traits I listed above to be attractive are not the cream of the crop. So if you want to just screw clueless women then do what works, but for a successful healthy relationship......
Author MrNate Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Personally I find the whole " nice guy/girl" tirade a ploy used to the advantages of marketing gurus to exploit people unlucky in love to seek out help. It's as much an excuse as many. If you have to talk about why most males are unlucky in love, actually do blame society's view that unless you're beautiful, rich, smart and fits a certain respectful mold, then yes, it can become frustrating. The same can be said of women. Why not settle for another objective and try a different approach? Instead of saying " yeah, I'm a nice guy" go for more approachable adjectives like " yeah, I'm awesome, I'm confident", and if need be go for " I'm charming" ( a little overkill but you get the idea). yes, yes and yes! I think it's time to take charge, and maybe realize things aren't as they seem.
Author MrNate Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Alos because some men go along and actually believe in those stupid childish immature games that are depicted in pop culture and cheesy comedies about playing it hot and cold with women, the waiting 3 days before you call her routine, lets put on a stupid act and pretend to be someone we are not. The simpler, less confusing, and less of a headache approach is to not put on any stupid acts, play childish games and just be who you are. Not every girl you meet is going to be interested in who you are, but that is fine. That is what life is and that is what dating. Dating is strength in numbers. The more you fall, the more you learn, which will help you in the long run. you're right on. and wouldn't that just save everyone time in general? why play games? all it does is waste time. I agree with the pop culture part as well. Why not depict the average guy getting his fair share of the women for once? the media definitely skews many perceptions in this field. too bad it sells like hot cakes.
Engadget Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Being the one expected to do all the legwork. Times have changed women, why don't you pursue us? Why don't you call us first? Why don't you pay for the date once in a while?
Author MrNate Posted April 8, 2010 Author Posted April 8, 2010 I believe men suffer from pressures from society as well. (i.e. to be the breadwinner, muscular, tall, etc.) It's always downplayed for some reason. Men are more likely to commit suicide than women. Why? Why are we portrayed is such a bad manner so often in the media? Another point I'm trying to make, I guess, is that this really isn't a 'man's world' as much as it's made out to be. We face much more challenges than people think. But we're often told to 'suck it up' and deal with it.
Author MrNate Posted April 8, 2010 Author Posted April 8, 2010 The media is part of but it is the cultue in general. Men have lost our oomph and our passion and we need to get it back. I agree! A man without passion, is empty. Which is why I advocate a men's movement. Great men are becoming a dying breed.
Author MrNate Posted April 8, 2010 Author Posted April 8, 2010 Being the one expected to do all the legwork. Times have changed women, why don't you pursue us? Why don't you call us first? Why don't you pay for the date once in a while? Makes you wonder why some things are the way they are eh? Even though times have changed.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Sagetalk: There are numerous problems men face, one of the most disapointing I've found is the low self esteem modern day women seem to have. It's an epidemic that almost no one talks about. I have gone out with and known girls that were knockouts, but they all seem to say the same thing, they have low self esteem. They (and their friends/family) have told me this word for word. Why is it so bad for us guys? Because it causes them to settle for losers who treat them poorly or who are way below what they deserve. I think it is one of the main reasons why treating women well is not as effective as being arrogant, cocky/funny. This low self esteem makes them vulnerable to games, players, and losers. All things a decent guy will not do to a girl. Sage, I am truly impressed by your comments here and agree with them. While I understand men face struggles, so do women. We don't have it so easy. And there is an epidemic of low self-esteem among women. For the reason you stated, on-top of the way women are protrayed in the media, and what women observe men take interest in, in women, on the surface. I will add that women don't want "nice guys". That's right guys, we don't and we shouldn't have to apologize for it. Just like many of you don't only want "nice girls". If you can admit to yourself that you need more then just "nice", then at least be hoenst and allow women to ahve the same without telling us we only want jerks. Women don't want jerks. We want "good men". There is a huge significense between NICE GUY and GOOD MAN. I have said this before and I think some of you choose to ingore this message. The truth is that not alot of men know how to balance and be good men. Or have the scruples and self control to be one. So I think too many men tell themselves that women only want jerks because it takes any preasure off of men to look at themselves and reflect on what they could be doing that is turning off the opposite sex. I don't know how you increase a woman's low self esteem, sometimes it feels like you're trying to find the cure for cancer. And, in some ways, you are. I got to say that it's truly nice to see a guy thought about this. Thank you Sage. I don't know the complete answer but I do know that it not only would take changing the perceptions of women and how they view themselves, how they value themselves, but also how men value women as well. And when you see consistantly how men value women based on their bodies, we see what is important to men and it affects women whether men want it to or not or think it should or shouldn't. We live in a hyper-media culture and every where you turn there is another image of an impossibly goregous woman that your man is most likely going to fawn over for a few minutes at least. Women worry about the quality of their bodies all the time. Most don't fit in the ideals that men seem to fantasize over. And women know it. That's part of the problem. You have 40-50 year old men looking at porn of 18-25 year old girls. That sends a big message to any woman from 18-100 what men value first. And it's not the soul or heart of a woman. Men want women to look past shallow qualties, even in themselves and in men, and be confident. But if a man buys into the shallow qualities being sold to him mass-market, no man should be surprised that women buy into it too. Our response is different because we are left to wonder if we measure up. And in most cases, we don't. that's why men look at all these fantasy images. And with all the images around us daily, that you can google on your computer, and that many men even in relationship do, no one woman can measure up to the billion of images a man will seek out to get visual pleasure from every day. And many men do just that. Even when yuo go home at night, after being in a world filled with more options, you can't get away from it because it's in your home with the comupter. I once heard the biggest question men ask themselves is "am I good enough. Can I meet the challenge". The biggest question women ask themselves is: "am I special enough, pretty enough. " Because to be pretty is to be feminine. We all know it. And often the answer women get, from their husbands, bfs, fathers, and other important men in their life is that they aren't because there is always another girl around the corner that will tickle a fickle man's fancy. Men are quite fickle here. Woggle The big issue is that men today have no self respect and are quick to let a woman walk all over them. If men have no self respect, even if they let women walk all over them or not, they also can't possibly have respect for women either. That's also another big issue.
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