Toodamnpragmatic Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I seriously doubt he does his share with household chores. Putting a few cups in the dishwasher and putting one load in the washer isn't doing 50% of the household chores. Men always overestimate how much they are helping around the house. How much of these is he doing and doing completely? These tasks should be completed on a daily basis to help keep your house sparkling between weekly cleanings. Kitchen Wipe counters with damp cloths and disinfectant (soap and water is all you need). Clear clutter—put dishes away, food back in cupboards and appliances where they normally sit. Load/empty the dishwasher, or do the dishes. Bathroom Clear clutter from countertops and put things in their place—drop bath toys in their basket, put cosmetics into their assigned drawers and toss garbage into the bin. Bedrooms Make the bed. Put stray clothes in closets or hampers. Clear clutter. Put reading material away and straighten dresser and bedside table tops. Living room/playroom Clear clutter. Put magazines into baskets and toys into bins. Hallway/Stairs Clear clutter that's accumulated—bring books to bedrooms, assorted clothing to appropriate closets, etc. Kitchen Use a hot water/mild detergent combination to wipe greasy build up on your stove. Disinfect countertops and wipe appliance faces. Vacuum/mop kitchen oor. Empty wastebaskets. Bathroom Wipe sinks and counters. Follow with a mild disinfectant to help stop germs. Change towels. Scrub toilet, tub and shower with an all-purpose cleaner, and use a powdered cleanser to get rid of build up. Sweep or vacuum floor and follow with mopping. Wash windows and mirrors with a window cleaner or vinegar-and-water mixture. Empty wastebaskets. Bedrooms Dust with a microbre cloth, which grabs dust better. Wash bedding Vacuum oor, moldings, baseboards and upholstered furniture. Empty wastebaskets. How many times to we have to hear how much work needs to be done around the house??? Done it all.... But maybe that is what turns my spouse off.... Called everyday life....... Hey the Dugger's (19 children) do all that, homeschool and have found plenty of time to have sex too (if having 19 children says anything)......
xxoo Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Called everyday life....... Hey the Dugger's (19 children) do all that, homeschool and have found plenty of time to have sex too (if having 19 children says anything)...... The Duggars make their 19 kids do all the work... Seriously though, the equal share of housework IS a decent point. Some marriages have a equal distribution, but is is very common for the women to work ft and still do the brunt of housework and childcare. So it is something for the op to consider in respect to his own situation. eta...it is also common for women to have ridiculously high standards for housekeeping, and stress themselves out/work themselves weary unnecessarily (and get pissed if their partner does not share their standards). Communication and compromise! With regard to tnttim, it sounds like he is married to a woman that wants sex, and wants to be thought of sexually. I don't see him doing anything necessarily wrong (although I'd snicker at some of it if I were his wife), but I can't see it changing anything at the times when my libido was quite low. Much of it would probably irritate me in that situation.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 The Duggars make their 19 kids do all the work... Seriously though, the equal share of housework IS a decent point. Some marriages have a equal distribution, but is is very common for the women to work ft and still do the brunt of housework and childcare. So it is something for the op to consider in respect to his own situation. eta...it is also common for women to have ridiculously high standards for housekeeping, and stress themselves out/work themselves weary unnecessarily (and get pissed if their partner does not share their standards). Communication and compromise! With regard to tnttim, it sounds like he is married to a woman that wants sex, and wants to be thought of sexually. I don't see him doing anything necessarily wrong (although I'd snicker at some of it if I were his wife), but I can't see it changing anything at the times when my libido was quite low. Much of it would probably irritate me in that situation. Absolutely the case with me..... My spouse can turn a 30 minute vacuum in to a 3 hour marathon. And she is a wonderful person...... Of course it comes down to communication and compromise, something I don't think many are good at.....
You Go Girl Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 So the problem is his spin and delivery? I hope YouGoGirl does not read that - talk about objectifying her !! Naw. I understand tnttim and his analogy here. Nothing objectifying about it.
You Go Girl Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Hell I've told her pretty much everything I do for her/the family is predicated on having sex.... She knows that..... Fortunately we are in a pretty decent space right now (and we're both too exhausted of late)..... Well...it's just my perspective-- but everything is predicated on having sex? Wow. I guess that there's two ways to look at this---that sex is the result of a good relationship, or sex is the reason for a good relationship. Seems to me guys who fall into the latter category are often disappointed. Hey, I know it is frustrating to some of you married guys whose wives are tuned out completely to their sexual side. Some may be in supermom mode, yep. Probably nature is ok with that. Raising one kid at a time well, may be more successful than raising several at once but not very well, with a greater chance for error--losing one or all to a pack of wolves, etc. But...some of you have also complained, whined, bitched, about not getting sex, instead of trying from the get go to improve the emotional intimacy. And so some of you--your wives have tuned you out because of that, seeking sex instead of emotional intimacy. Then those wives don't even listen when you try to right that wrong and work on it from a less selfish point of view; you may be tuned out in a big way. What I am trying to help with--is not letting it turn into a battle of wills. If it goes that route--everybody loses.
Luv2dance Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I seriously doubt he does his share with household chores. Putting a few cups in the dishwasher and putting one load in the washer isn't doing 50% of the household chores. Men always overestimate how much they are helping around the house. How much of these is he doing and doing completely? These tasks should be completed on a daily basis to help keep your house sparkling between weekly cleanings. Kitchen Wipe counters with damp cloths and disinfectant (soap and water is all you need). Clear clutter—put dishes away, food back in cupboards and appliances where they normally sit. Load/empty the dishwasher, or do the dishes. Bathroom Clear clutter from countertops and put things in their place—drop bath toys in their basket, put cosmetics into their assigned drawers and toss garbage into the bin. Bedrooms Make the bed. Put stray clothes in closets or hampers. Clear clutter. Put reading material away and straighten dresser and bedside table tops. Living room/playroom Clear clutter. Put magazines into baskets and toys into bins. Hallway/Stairs Clear clutter that's accumulated—bring books to bedrooms, assorted clothing to appropriate closets, etc. Kitchen Use a hot water/mild detergent combination to wipe greasy build up on your stove. Disinfect countertops and wipe appliance faces. Vacuum/mop kitchen oor. Empty wastebaskets. Bathroom Wipe sinks and counters. Follow with a mild disinfectant to help stop germs. Change towels. Scrub toilet, tub and shower with an all-purpose cleaner, and use a powdered cleanser to get rid of build up. Sweep or vacuum floor and follow with mopping. Wash windows and mirrors with a window cleaner or vinegar-and-water mixture. Empty wastebaskets. Bedrooms Dust with a microbre cloth, which grabs dust better. Wash bedding Vacuum oor, moldings, baseboards and upholstered furniture. Empty wastebaskets. Holy crap...it's no wonder my house is always a mess, I don't do all this DURING my weekly cleaning Just another sign I'm not a NORMAL woman, don't obsess over the house.
giotto Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Well...it's just my perspective-- but everything is predicated on having sex? Wow. He was joking... I guess that there's two ways to look at this---that sex is the result of a good relationship, or sex is the reason for a good relationship. Seems to me guys who fall into the latter category are often disappointed. Hey, I know it is frustrating to some of you married guys whose wives are tuned out completely to their sexual side. Some may be in supermom mode, yep. Probably nature is ok with that. Raising one kid at a time well, may be more successful than raising several at once but not very well, with a greater chance for error--losing one or all to a pack of wolves, etc. But...some of you have also complained, whined, bitched, about not getting sex, instead of trying from the get go to improve the emotional intimacy. And so some of you--your wives have tuned you out because of that, seeking sex instead of emotional intimacy. Then those wives don't even listen when you try to right that wrong and work on it from a less selfish point of view; you may be tuned out in a big way. What I am trying to help with--is not letting it turn into a battle of wills. If it goes that route--everybody loses. Well, yes, but it's difficult sometimes to do the right thing when your wife doesn't tell you what's wrong, despite several requests... and it's not just men... see Soserious1's comment on the other thread, "Bored of topics posted of late"...
You Go Girl Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 He was joking... Well, yes, but it's difficult sometimes to do the right thing when your wife doesn't tell you what's wrong, despite several requests... and it's not just men... see Soserious1's comment on the other thread, "Bored of topics posted of late"... haha..glad to hear that he was joking and that one whooshed right over my head. Yes, I too know a woman whose husband doesn't like sex very much. She bitches about it too, sometimes in front of me, or others. That has to be humiliating to him. When I saw her bitch about it with both me and him and possibly others-I dont' recall--standing there, I felt badly for him, that it was embarassing for him. I also saw her as a very unappealing predator. There was nothing in her actions that would have turned me on, should i have been him. Definitely turned me off, if I was him. I don't know all of soserious1's story, so I'll not comment at this point on that. And, truth be told, for some women, they don't know what's wrong themselves. When in mommy mode they certainly don't. Even if not in mommy mode--they haven't asked themselves why they don't want sex. And then there's some that do lose all interest after 'capturing' the guy. The chase is over. I have a friend who is one of those. But she also complains that he doesn't know how to please a woman at all, makes a sloppy mess when he tries to kiss, has no bedroom skills...but I think part of that is just that she likes the status quo of no sex. She simply wasn't a sexual person except when she was on the hunt for a husband. I feel badly for both men and women who go through this--but I think the couples in these situations have dug themselves in so deep--they need MC and probably IC for both to find their way to a happy healthy sex life.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 He was joking... Glad someone sees the sarcasm in the post. However I have said it umpteen times, that there is a shred of truth. I do things for my wife and go above and beyond, because I lover her. To that end I hope she appreciates it, is relaxed and heck who knows we have sex, which again is a mutually enjoyable past time.... However as simple as that sounds, not the case many a time.....
xxoo Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I do things for my wife and go above and beyond, because I lover her. . Freudian slip?
Toodamnpragmatic Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Freudian slip? I'm sure some psychologist may think that..... Actually too tired, up too long and a lousy typer..... And I stand by that.....
thisdayforward Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Maple05: Do you know what turns your wife on? Does she know? Are you doing the things that turn her on? One of the problems I had with my ex was that his attempts to initiate sex were a turn-off to me. It took some courage for me to tell him that, and to tell him what I thought of as turn-ons, but when he implemented my requests, we were both satisfied a lot more. Part of our problem was me, too, no doubt about it. I rarely denied him sex if he initiated, but also I rarely initiated. Ask your wife to surprise you in matching bra and panties and a sexy pair of heels sometime. Ask her to share with you some erotica that turns her on. Let her know details about your desires. Maybe that would help. Good luck.
tnttim Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Guys just read this book "super sex power magnetism" by CR James It is the holy grail of turning on your wife. He gives you the reason why you can;t just ask your wife what turns her on. She herself doesn;t know. One big obstacle to overcome is to try and treat her like a date instead of a wife. A lot of the things that us men do to cultivate senuallity in a date should be the same for your wife. That's why she lost interest in sex, you have stopped treating her like a girlfriend. He explains the emotional track women need to go down to make them horny. They are not like men, we are visual, women are emotional.
giotto Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Guys just read this book "super sex power magnetism" by CR James It is the holy grail of turning on your wife. He gives you the reason why you can;t just ask your wife what turns her on. She herself doesn;t know. One big obstacle to overcome is to try and treat her like a date instead of a wife. A lot of the things that us men do to cultivate senuallity in a date should be the same for your wife. That's why she lost interest in sex, you have stopped treating her like a girlfriend. He explains the emotional track women need to go down to make them horny. They are not like men, we are visual, women are emotional. I'm glad al this stuff worked in your case, with your wife, but I'm quite fed-up with silly generalizations...
xxoo Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I'm glad al this stuff worked in your case, with your wife, but I'm quite fed-up with silly generalizations... I was curious and googled....and wasn't impressed. He gives you the reason why you can;t just ask your wife what turns her on. She herself doesn;t know. I certainly know what turns me on! Maybe you are referring specifically to women who don't? Surely you don't mean ALL women?
giotto Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I was curious and googled....and wasn't impressed. you don't need to google... visit his profile and check out his posts... I'm sure our friend is doing this because he wants to help, but being lectured by someone whose wife cheated on him is frankly quite annoying...
tnttim Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 you don't need to google... visit his profile and check out his posts... I'm sure our friend is doing this because he wants to help, but being lectured by someone whose wife cheated on him is frankly quite annoying... The lose of feelings in our bedroom is what led to her cheating. I am trying to help people out before this great tragedy happens to them. I used to post just in the separation/divorce forum, but I figured I could help people here as well since I stumbled onto something that works. Thanks for your input.
giotto Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 The lose of feelings in our bedroom is what led to her cheating. I am trying to help people out before this great tragedy happens to them. I used to post just in the separation/divorce forum, but I figured I could help people here as well since I stumbled onto something that works. Thanks for your input. thanks for the input? What input? Are you being sarcastic? I actually followed your threads for a while... we went through a separation stage, so I was following that forum... don't get me wrong, I appreciate it when people try and be helpful, but you come across a bit patronising and know-it-all from time to time... But I'm truly happy it's working from you... it's not easy to reconcile after such a melt-down...
tnttim Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I certainly know what turns me on! Maybe you are referring specifically to women who don't? Surely you don't mean ALL women? I can't answer that for sure for obvious reasons. The website is only a small percentage of what the book says. I would say for the majority of women, yes it does work. His answers to why women cool down in a M seem right on, they make sense. He breaks down women's communication style very well so men can understand it. He points out a lot of anti-seductive behavior men do, a lot of stuff I used to do. He tells you to pay attention to things she does that you would never come up with on your own. He shows you how to move her into a seductive state where she initiates sex more often. The best part is after a while it all comes natural and it changes her perception of you, and she gets used to the feelings, and a habit forms. His perspective is that all women are unique, so rather then tell you exactly what to do when something happens, he tells you how to move her into an emotion. Like, we can piss women off easy, but turning them on, we are sometimes clueless.
tnttim Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 thanks for the input I'm not stupid. Your comment about my W was to undermine my posts. It was a deliberate low blow on your part and you and everyone else knows it. Why don't you man up and apologize for an obvious intentional cheap shot?
You Go Girl Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Those attacking tnttim--who IS trying to help--I wonder...do some men on here just want to hear that it is hopeless? That there's nothing to be done, that their w will never want sex with them, and find buddies who are in the same boat to gripe with? It's up to you...do you want to fix it, or complain about it?
giotto Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I'm not stupid. Your comment about my W was to undermine my posts. It was a deliberate low blow on your part and you and everyone else knows it. Why don't you man up and apologize for an obvious intentional cheap shot? Man up and apologise? I think you live on a different planet, mate...
giotto Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Those attacking tnttim--who IS trying to help--I wonder...do some men on here just want to hear that it is hopeless? That there's nothing to be done, that their w will never want sex with them, and find buddies who are in the same boat to gripe with? It's up to you...do you want to fix it, or complain about it? he can help, obviously, but if he uses his customary patronising tone, then he gets the cheap shots... like mine... just check his threads...
tnttim Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Man up and apologise? I think you live on a different planet, mate... Yea it's called Earth, your welcome to join us when your stint on the moon is done. Funny how you have a moon as your profile pic as well.
giotto Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Yea it's called Earth, your welcome to join us when your stint on the moon is done. Funny how you have a moon as your profile pic as well. lol... I think I'll stop here... I liked your joke...
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