dannie19 Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 I split up from my MM 7 weeks ago. At first we didn't speak but at his insistence we have remained friends. However, I continue to feel manipulated and be a big secret in his life, 'sorry couldn't text then' 'don't call now' yet he gets in a huff if I don't answer when he has sneaked out to call me. I have pointed out that as a friend I shoud have the same acess to his life as his other firends but he has said no beacuse he doesn't love and fancy them. He claims his partner of 22 years is now nothing more than a flatmate but they do everything together and I don't see her getting this hushed up treatment. She seems nicely protected to me. All the benefits seem to be for him just as they were during our affair. In my heart I know I shoul tell him I don't want this but I am afraid that it is through remaining friends that I have been able to survive the last 7 weeks and that once I say no more frindship I will really hurt or maybe I'll feel free? Unfortualey we work in the same place but he is currently signed off with depresseion so I have a couple of weeks breather. I suppose I know what to do just want to get my thougts down as I am all bogged up in them and not sure if I have them clear. I really culdn't have survived the last 7 weeks without the support from Loveshack. Should add for anyone new to my story that he is bi-polar, an alcoholic and a drug user (I know this should be enough to send me running for the hills) so his view of reality is a bit random.
Fallen Angel Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Yeah, you already know what to do.. but nice to see ya!
whichwayisup Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Affair fog. You're in it still! This guy is a drug addict, drinks and has BP. Who cares about his view, what about YOURS? Reality is, your MM has LIED to you over and over again. Reality is, he isn't leaving his wife. Reality is, he's exactly where he wants to be. Reality is, he enjoys having you as the OW. JUST the OW. Reality is, he wants you on his terms, his time frame (Hense him getting angry that you didn't answer when HE made the time for you, snuck away for afew minutes) Reality is, you're only important to him when HE feels like attention. Reality is, he isn't your friend. And, you're not his. Reality is, get back into NC mode and end this once and for all... Yes, you'll probably hurt, for a while. But, you'll be free. Free of what you feel now. Instead you'll be left with a finality, a beginning phase of really grieving and starting to let go. Find another job, just start looking.
Author dannie19 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 So I have done it: texted that there is no point in trying to be friends becasue it's no more open than our relationship was and nothing like a friendship. His reply was that I am ranting and that whatever he says or does he can't do anything right. Just so damn annoying that I can never get any sense from him, though I am not going to try by replying, be pointless he is incapabe of seeing my point of view but oh I wish he could. Feel down and don't know what to do with myself now but hopefully will start to feel more up beat soon now I've drawn the final line. Thanks for the support and clarity.
Fallen Angel Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 So I have done it: texted that there is no point in trying to be friends becasue it's no more open than our relationship was and nothing like a friendship. His reply was that I am ranting and that whatever he says or does he can't do anything right. Just so damn annoying that I can never get any sense from him, though I am not going to try by replying, be pointless he is incapabe of seeing my point of view but oh I wish he could. Feel down and don't know what to do with myself now but hopefully will start to feel more up beat soon now I've drawn the final line. Thanks for the support and clarity. EH. *shrug* You already knew what you would have to do anyway. You knew it a long time ago, you just put off the inevitable. Good for you for making a clean break. Now you get to sit back and try to ignore all the ranting calls and texts ect you will get.. I would suggest writing down all the things he says, because in the moment you will start to feel weak, but if you write it down, and read it again in 2 or 3 days, you will see it for the foolishness it really is. I would like to suggest you find a really good funny book to read.. might I suggest one I recently enjoyed called ... The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love by Jill Conner Browne I giggled til I almost wet myself sometimes with that one. It is a great uplifting read, and sure to help wipe the blues away. Good Luck, stay strong, you can do this!!!
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 He claims his partner of 22 years is now nothing more than a flatmate but they do everything together and I don't see her getting this hushed up treatment. Read this, and continue to read it over and over until it sinks in.
califnan Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Use this two weeks to gain Strength and Know Who You Are: A vital Whole woman - who doesn't fit into the equation of his partial life ..
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