aerogurl87 Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 2 and a half months ago. Although I knew he was hurt by the break up, we agreed to stay friends and stayed in contact (although it was usually just quick IMs to see how each other was doing). Anyway, so now I'm starting to notice a slight trend re-emerge. My ex keeps calling me every night on his way to work. He used to do this every day when we were still together but after we broke up he stopped. He knows I have a boyfriend whom I'm happy with and that I'm not looking to reopen that chapter in my life where him and I were together. I asked my friend for her opinion and she thinks he still thinks he has a chance with me. But I'm slightly confused, because when we broke up I told him I wanted to stay friends and it's not like he's been hitting on me, asking me to hang out, or anything. He just keeps calling almost every night for his 15 minute drive to work. Anyway, maybe I'm being too naive about this, but I wanted an outsider's opinion. Do you think his calls are innocent attempts at helping to create a great friendship or he secretly wants more?
Madilyn09 Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Sounds like he's lonely. And probably jealous of your new relationship. You need to set boundaries with him, and let him know that you want to be friends and talk once in a while, but that you have moved on from the relationship you were in before.
DustySaltus Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 His options at the point of the breakup were to be friends with you or fall of the face of the earth. He chose "friendship" because at the end of the day he wanted to be able to make another attempt at getting you back. You can't be friends with an ex until the point where if you saw each other on the street with other partners, you would be able to sit down and have a cup of coffee together. His friendship is not sincere, he wants to be with you. Now you're going to have to shut him down strongly and tell him you can't be friends, otherwise he's going to continue to lurk.
MrsPeaSoup Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Sorry, just a quick question for you Aerogurl: Did you have any NC time with him? If you haven't, maybe he keeps calling you it's because he didn't get any closure. NC is then a good way for him to heal, too.
Rearden Metal Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 This is a pretty decent glimpse at why NC is more effective than friendship at getting an Ex back. Poor guy doesn't realize he's weakening his position.
EYECANDY000 Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Well you stated that he's not making advances at you. So have you told him that he has to respect your new relationship and not call so often? That's exactly why saying people will be friends after a break up never works. Because both parties agree to be friends up until one of them meets someone new, and then guess what? You have to tell your ex, we can't talk anymore.. honestly you need to tell him he needs his space fom you.
ADF Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Trying to remain friends with a recent ex is almost always a mistake. Clearly, you ex is still attached to you, and hopes to rekindle your relationship somehow. Here's a tip: men almost never go out of their way to befriend women they aren't attracted to. Almost never. And this is particularly true of younger men. Your boyfriend is not just trying to build a "great friendship." Sorry, but men just don't that sort of thing.
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Thanks everyone for your responses. I mean I think I've made it pretty obvious that him and I will never date again, but I guess he is still holding out some hope unfortunately. We never went completely NC, just very limited contact over the course of the past 2 months or so. He did start to call me all the time once before, but I told him I was dating someone new and ignored most of his calls, so that's when the calling died down alot. But now it seems to be starting up again. I guess I will have to tell him to cut out calling me all the time or just go back to ignoring alot of his calls again till he gets the point.
McGrupp Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 (edited) which ex is this? i searched your threads and you have 2 ex's ? im confused... edit: actually going through your threads ive realized your one of those people who MUST be in a relationship. is this the 3rd guy (the new guy) in 6 months? Edited April 7, 2010 by McGrupp
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