sugarmomma Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Been dating this guy about 3 to 4 months. Things have been going well for the most part. I think we're fairly serious seeing as though I have met his mom and kids and we see each other fairly frequently. There was one time previously that I needed 300 dollars and he gave it to me with no problem. I just said that I was in a bind and needed it without giving him any details. Well, I am working and making good money now and got a letter from the Dept of Revenue saying that they had taken $2282.19 out of my check leaving me with a lot less. My bills are paid and I have savings. Well, I was just venting about it this morning to him and didn't get a chance to finish telling him the whole story and he said he had another call and would call me back. That was 10am and it is now 4pm. He hasn't returned my call. He didn't give me a chance to say that the money was already paid so I am thinking that he thought I was gonna ask him for money. I wasn't. He is a general contractor and can go months without having income and I think he is kinda hurting right now. Anyway, I tried to call him back and he didn't answer. Is he ashamed because he thinks I need help and can't help me? I thik if I really needed some money and he had it that I could get something from him. What do you guys think? Please respond.
hopesndreams Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Anyway, I tried to call him back and he didn't answer. Is he ashamed because he thinks I need help and can't help me? I thik if I really needed some money and he had it that I could get something from him. This doesn't make sense to me.
DustySaltus Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Be honest with him and have the $300 in hand. If he doesn't change his mind after that, there's not much else you can do.
Tallandslim Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hi SugarMomma, Well, I was in a relationship many years ago when I was lending money to my boyfriend. Not a few hundred dollars, but a lot of money, and I never got it back. So now if I am dating someone who seems to have the slightest financial trouble, I will usually run 20, 000 miles in the opposite direction. I'm not suggesting that this general contractor has run away but it is possible if he already lent you money once he may be thinking that you are creating a pattern....I know it's difficult and we all want to be helpful, but money and relationships is a touchy subject. I have steered clear of a serious relationship during times when I was having financial difficulty because I just don't want to be a burden on someone else nor do I want them to think that I'm after their money. At this point, you can try to communicate with him one more time: sound casual even if you have to leave a voice mail, explain that all that financial stuff has been rectified and don't bring it up again. Relationships and money just don't mix,it's something I've learned the hard way....if he's a general contractor and a business man, he may have had some tough lessons in the past as well... Hope this helps and don't beat yourself up too much....
eraser Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 If you are making good money, like you say, and you haven't paid him back, he probably thinks you are going to ask him for more money. Three hundred dollars can be a lot of money for an independent contractor. If he is hurting financially, now would be a good time to pay him back. It would also let him know that you don't think of him as an ATM machine.
Author sugarmomma Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 He is a very generous man and it wasn't a loan. However, I did go out and buy him a very expensive cordless toothbrush since he hinted that he liked mine. I am also gonna take him to a concert. so things have worked out well. I explained to him that I wasn't trying to ask him for more money I just wanted to talk about/vent about my experience. He understood and apologized for jumping to conclusions without hearing me out. So we are good. Thanks everyone!
Twenty-ten Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Yes I think that is exactly what happened. I am amazed you even asked him for money the first time around... edit: I missed your last post, so it was that. Glad you worked it out and had paid him back.
Jambalaya Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Yup - pay him back the money, tell him that you're aware he's having problems and offer to do the same for him. Or rather, offer to pay a bill for him. It's easier than the humiliation of being handed cash like a child needing pocket money.
123BeachFan Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 The guy admitted to you that he ran when he thought you were asking for more money. If you value this relationship at all, you need to pay him back the $300 he spotted you earlier. He's not saying anything to you, but he's resenting your not offering to pay him back. And he will judge your potential in a long term relationship based on how you handle this. So, be a big girl and pay off your debts. And buying him a toothbrush and concert tickets is not the same as paying back cash that was loned, unless he expressly agrees that the items purchased are fair payment.
bayouboi Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 And buying him a toothbrush and concert tickets is not the same as paying back cash that was loaned, unless he expressly agrees that the items purchased are fair payment. This. $300 isn't even that much money, but I would also feel a little resentful just on principle. In your mind the toothbrush and concert might be equivalent, but if you wanted to start going down that road you guys would start having to tally up all your gifts & dates paid for & that's not typically the reason people spend their money on gifts & dates.
make me believe Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 (edited) I am amazed you even asked him for money the first time around... Me too! Especially after only 3 months of dating! Even though you said he didn't give you the money as a loan, you need to pay him back. I completely agree with those who said he is probably secretly resentful that you haven't. He doesn't want to appear stingy by saying anything about it, but come on......the right thing to do is to pay him back and you know it. (And I mean with cash, not gifts and concert tickets.) Plus, given his reaction when you told him about the money that got taken out of your check, he's obviously keeping all of this stuff in the back of his mind. His impression was that you're financially irresponsible and will hit him up for more money whenever you need it. Even though you explained the latest situation, the only way to completely rectify this is by paying him back the $300. Edited April 14, 2010 by make me believe
hopesndreams Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Pay back the $300. He might just buy you something you've had your eye on. Then it's even steven since you like to keep track. A toothbrush and concert came to how much? And aren't those the sort of things people do for each other when they are dating anyway? You have only been dating him for a short time. How and why did you come up with the idea that it's ok for him to just give you money?
Author sugarmomma Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 Thanks everyone but you must understand that he is a very generous person and always asked me if I needed anything. He is the kind of person that gives to his woman and not loan to her. The toothbrush and concert tickets came to about $250. and he turned around this morning and gave me a pair of Gucci sunglasses. I was in their store and saw a wallet I want to get him and will soon. Thanks everyone. We are really good right now. It was just a misunderstanding but I appreciate all the feedback.
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