This Hurts Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 The breakup was about 1.5 weeks ago now. She broke up with me after an over 3.5 year relationship, and started dating a new guy right away. She's bipolar and I'm pretty sure she's going through a manic episode, but that doesn't justify anything. She was very cold to me the couple days after she broke up with me; acting as if it was completely unreasonable of me to act so confused and hurt. Just that week we were having intimate moments and she would tell me never to leave her, etc. This came out of NOWHERE. Anywho, I told her I wanted to talk to her one last time before we stopped talking and to let me know when we could, asap. She texted me last night asking, "What did you want to talk about?" and I replied with, "Nothing." I had been having an okay day and the thought of talking to her didn't appeal to me. In fact, I thought about starting NC right there and then, but I'm not someone who likes things abruptly. I've always thought I'm the type of person who would never get over something if it happens too quickly, because I would have absolutely no closure, and it would be like ripping the ground beneath my feet and leaving me to dangle in midair. I still have the opportunity to have that last conversation with her and get anything I want/need/whatever out of my system before saying goodbye. But my question is, what? What do I tell her that can bring ME closure? I'm not interested in knowing who she's dating now or anything of that nature. I know she probably won't care much about anything I say, but I feel it would be easier for me to let it go knowing she could have had some last strong words from me. The last impression she had of me was a weak, depressed, heartbroken, and desperate person and I don't want that to be what she remembers me by. That's what is truly bothering me the most. Again, what can I tell her to bring MYSELF closure?
DustySaltus Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Well, let's think about your thought process for a second. She left you for some other guy straight away and you're trying to be "nice" by not wanting to end things abruptly? Look at her actions. Why would she deserve another breath from you? What kind of CLOSURE are you looking for? Any questions you ask her will just breed more questions and lead you down a path of anger, confusion and disgust. Make your own closure by not contacting her in any way, shape or form. Who cares about showing her that your strong? She's the one that ended it. She's the one who decided that it was better for her to move onto something new than fix the old. You're not weak by any stretch. However, if you do continue to contact her you will look weaker and weaker. Let's not have it get to that point at all. She's got bigger issues than relationships at this point and until she figures those things out she won't be good for anyone. Normal, sane, rational people take time to PROCESS things after a breakup, not JUMP into another relationship right away. It doesn't make any sense. Again, you have to make your own closure and realize that someone like this is not built for the long term with you. It's better that something like this happened now than 20 years from now with a couple of kids and all kinds of other responsibilties. Focus on yourself, you have a lot of support here. Tell her nothing, she doesn't warrant ANY kind of response. Read the link in my signature and continue to post here.
DramaFree Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 I know it's tough. Well I was kinda in the same boat as you. When my ex broke up with me I managed to go 8 days before contacting him. When I called he picked up right away. I did not whine, ask for answers or anything. I had a small business item I needed to inform him about. He did say forgive him and he was sorry. I had no comment. He did say he thought I was mad because I had not called him....(Hello dude you broke up with me I was thinking.) I wish him the best and said so long. No tears or begging. I think he was totally caught off guard. I did get some satisfaction knowing he might have thought I didnt care and stroke his ego one last time. Really him breaking up abruptly out of the blue really told me what I needed to know. Still dont know why. He didnt really care for me like I did him. I'm pretty sure there was someone else. I think you really need to think about that as well. I will warn you since I broke NC after 8 days it made it easier to do again and again to the point now he refers to be as "friends" trust me it made me feel worse. We've been broke up 28 days and Im back to 5 days NC. UUUGH if only I was 28 days NC i would be about over him. My point is if you need closure keep in mind the following. 1 - They arent going to tell you the truth - so dont ask them for it and get worked up about it. If they loved you like you loved them they would at least have enough respect to not replace you immediately. 2 - Keep the convo simple and for your benefit only 3 - No begging or tears - Seriously I think this really bugs them 4 - Remember if you love something set it free (This means NC) if it comes back to you its YOUR decision to proceed to communicate or reunite not theirs. Its on your terms.
CaliGuy Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 The last impression she had of me was a weak, depressed, heartbroken, and desperate person and I don't want that to be what she remembers me by. That's what is truly bothering me the most. Again, what can I tell her to bring MYSELF closure? Let her go. She made a decision that is unfortunate for you but the closure you seek may never come. The best closure is acceptance and focusing on yourself.
SlowHealer Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Yeah, when people love one another they don't leave. They stay and try to work things out. Make it about yourself and YOUR healing right now. That means staying totally away. It is hard but better for you. Distance over time=healing!! Be a little kinder to yourself right now. PS. bipolars are very draining and unpredictable. This probably was gonna happen sooner or later. Better to get it behind you now. Coulda been a divorce w/ kids.
Perhaps Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Well, let's think about your thought process for a second. She left you for some other guy straight away and you're trying to be "nice" by not wanting to end things abruptly? Look at her actions. Why would she deserve another breath from you? What kind of CLOSURE are you looking for? Any questions you ask her will just breed more questions and lead you down a path of anger, confusion and disgust. Make your own closure by not contacting her in any way, shape or form. Who cares about showing her that your strong? She's the one that ended it. She's the one who decided that it was better for her to move onto something new than fix the old. You're not weak by any stretch. However, if you do continue to contact her you will look weaker and weaker. Let's not have it get to that point at all. She's got bigger issues than relationships at this point and until she figures those things out she won't be good for anyone. Normal, sane, rational people take time to PROCESS things after a breakup, not JUMP into another relationship right away. It doesn't make any sense. Again, you have to make your own closure and realize that someone like this is not built for the long term with you. It's better that something like this happened now than 20 years from now with a couple of kids and all kinds of other responsibilties. Focus on yourself, you have a lot of support here. Tell her nothing, she doesn't warrant ANY kind of response. Read the link in my signature and continue to post here. +1 seriously man, she is not sane nor is she rational at this point. but this isn't about her. it's about you. you're not going to call her because calling her and texting her to explain yourself only makes you seem even more weak. and meeting up with her just to "talk about it" won't really have an effect on her. she chose to leave you so i doubt she cares about you saying you're not as weak as you acted. actions speak louder than words.
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