sunrae Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Do guys like to be the persuer or does it matter? I have read it seems like 50 million dating articles... Some say the guy always like to be the persuer in the raltionship and that if a girl persues then its a turn off... Guys what are your thoughts? I've gone out with this guy twice and really enjoy his company.. Not sure if I shoudl wait around and see if he ask me out again, since I'm about to go out of town for a week or ask him to meet for drinks...
bayouboi Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Those articles are telling half truths in my opinion. Fact is men inherently want to be with women and women inherently want to be with men. If a woman is considered unattractive, she will be pursued less than those that are considered to be attractive. Therefore, in order to obtain what she ultimately wants, i.e. companionship with a man, she has to become the pursuer. Since men found her unattractive in the first place, more often than not they will reject her. Therefore, my opinion is that the statistics show men don't prefer women to be pursuers because those women who have to pursue are often unattractive. If you were a knockout doing the pursuing, most straight men would have no problem with being attracted to you.
Author sunrae Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 Here's my situation.. We had a first date on Thursday, it went great, both of us agreed we had a great time, laughed cut up, enjoyed each others company, great kiss.. Saturday he joined me and some friends for dinner, had a great time, he wanted to met up later that night and we hung out a bit more at his house, again had a good time, agreed we both would like to see each other again, plans on doing so when I get back from my trip... I have free time tonight and would like to see him again before I leave, but dont want to come across pushy or needy. A little back ground on him, he is 10 months out of a 3 year marriage. So I dont want to seem pushy and since it's so new, I'm not sure what to do. This is the first guy in a while that I have really liked and dont want to come across to strong..
bayouboi Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Here's my situation.. We had a first date on Thursday, it went great, both of us agreed we had a great time, laughed cut up, enjoyed each others company, great kiss.. Saturday he joined me and some friends for dinner, had a great time, he wanted to met up later that night and we hung out a bit more at his house, again had a good time, agreed we both would like to see each other again, plans on doing so when I get back from my trip... I have free time tonight and would like to see him again before I leave, but dont want to come across pushy or needy. A little back ground on him, he is 10 months out of a 3 year marriage. So I dont want to seem pushy and since it's so new, I'm not sure what to do. This is the first guy in a while that I have really liked and dont want to come across to strong.. Bottom line, in my opinion, is if he's into you it won't matter who initiates a date. I was 6 months out of a 3 year marriage/7 year relationship when I met my last year-long girlfriend & I was so into her that I didn't want anything/one else.
imstillnotcool Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Definitely invite him for some drinks tonight as you'll be leaving town for a week. I know that when I'm into a girl I appreciate it when she initiates things every once and a while as it shows interest on her behalf. I get a little annoyed when I'm always the one making the effort. If he likes you he will not be bothered at all.
DustySaltus Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 When a guy pursues a girl, he's more likely to get into a relationship. When a girl pursues a guy, she's more likely to be put into a Friends with Benefits Situation.
D-Lish Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Don't chase him! If you have already made plans to get together when you get back, leave it at that.
carhill Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Yes, don't pursue, but rather facilitate his pursuit. Create the environment where he wants to pursue. Women are expert at this. It's like breathing to them. When I don't get a sense of that facilitation, next. I know she's not interested or, worse, not female
MrNate Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Do guys like to be the persuer or does it matter? I have read it seems like 50 million dating articles... Some say the guy always like to be the persuer in the raltionship and that if a girl persues then its a turn off... Guys what are your thoughts? I've gone out with this guy twice and really enjoy his company.. Not sure if I shoudl wait around and see if he ask me out again, since I'm about to go out of town for a week or ask him to meet for drinks... Just make sure you're doing your part to feed the interaction between you two. And no, if a girl pursues it is not always considered a turnoff. It's 2010. If I'm pursued by a girl then obviously she wants my attention and is confident enough to get it. And I will respond accordingly.
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 all this game playing and high school teenie "rules" (that dont really exist) are only going to leave you over analyzing and going mental in obsession.... dont listen to any of it and dont even consider playing this game... I always advise that people should do what's best for them, for THEMselves... not to manipulate a situation. Its apparent you both enjoy each other's company, nothing wrong with asking him out for drinks or a quick conversation before you leave town... stop thinking about it and just do it... plus, stop classifying it as "pursuit"... you obviously want to see him, right? However, if you are having to sacrifice something else or it might stress your schedule, remember: do what's best for you, not matter the desire... absence does make the heart grow fonder.
Author sunrae Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 I did ask, and I'm glad I did... We had a good time again. We decided on where to meet, and a lot of his friends where there. So we all just hung out and talked. He sent me a text when I got home, he had a good time and his friends liked me... Yay!
USMCHokie Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Hooray! I'm in the school of thought that if you want to see him, then ask. It's really that simple...if he was truly interested, such childish games wouldn't be on his mind...because he'd want to see you too... Sometimes not playing all those games or observing those traditional "dating rules" makes dating a whole lot simpler and more straightforward...
TouchedByViolet Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Good for you! Simple is never a bad option, especially when the guy is giving you clues he is intested
bayouboi Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 I did ask, and I'm glad I did... We had a good time again. We decided on where to meet, and a lot of his friends where there. So we all just hung out and talked. He sent me a text when I got home, he had a good time and his friends liked me... Yay! Good for you! I'm glad you didn't listen to these rulefollowers/gameplayers.
sullysteve Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Yes, don't pursue, but rather facilitate his pursuit. Create the environment where he wants to pursue. Women are expert at this. It's like breathing to them. When I don't get a sense of that facilitation, next. I know she's not interested or, worse, not female I agree with this
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