What am I doing wrong??

[Butterflying]

In the past two months, I've dated two really great guys. By great, I mean they both have most of the qualities I look for in a good man. If I created list of the perfect guy, I could literally check most to the things on that list to apply to them. The best thing, both of them are SINGLE. No ex-wives. No girlfriends, ect.

 

Here's the thing... The first guy was more interested in having sex with me than he was about getting to know me. That was the deal breaker. We were introduced by a mutual friend and went out for dinner the first day we met. He tried to convince me to go home with him for sex right after dinner.

 

I figured he was just being a guy on the first date so I later agreed to have a second date with him. He invited me over to his home where he had a very romantic evening planned. I was certain that I'd made myself clear about not having sex until we were in a commited relationship. Never the less, he still tried to get me into his bed. It was awkward and humiliating. I almost had to force my way out of his house because he didn't want to take no for an answer. He was upset. Needless to say, we're never going out again.

 

The second guy spent a little more time getting to know me before our first date. We met on a plane. Exchanged phone numbers. And quickly began communicating via text messages almost daily. Included in those messages was a lot of flirting. It even got a little kinky at times, but it seemed playful and innocent.

 

We met for lunch for our first date. We greeted each other with a sincere hug. It felt like I had known him for years. (some of you know that feeling). The lunch, the conversation, everything was great. Just before we parted ways, we kissed. It was like magic. I could have stayed there kissing him, holding him, and being held by him forever. When we let go, both us us had that amazing look in our eyes at each other. He actually said "Wow." And I said, "Wow is right."

 

Later that day, I sent him a text message thanking him for a wonderful lunch and told him how much I looked forwared to seeing him again. In response, he sent me a smiley face... that's it. No flirting. No thank you. No words to say he felt the same. It's been almost a week and I haven't heard a word from him. We haven't gone this much time without communicating since the day we met. So of course I'm wondering what changed.

 

I always act upon my feelings. I don't have set rules about dating or love. If somethng feels right, I go along with it. When it doesn't feel right, I don't do it.

 

I wonder if I had sex with the first guy would things have worked out better between us. I wonder if the flirting and kissing made the second guy think I was easy. Either way, I seem to have lost both of them and it's wrecking my brain to figure out why.

[make me believe]

I wonder if I had sex with the first guy would things have worked out better between us

 

SERIOUSLY???! Why would you want things to work out with someone who practically forces himself on you and, in your own words, "didn't want to take no for an answer"??! Come on! Have some more respect for yourself than that!

 

All he wanted was sex, plain and simple. At least he was up front about it, I guess. I don't know why you'd even consider wasting more time with somebody like him, though.

 

I'm not sure what happened in the second situation. That is really strange. It could be that this guy wasn't sincere about his intentions, or something in the conversation/date turned him off when he got to know you better, or something completely different. Maybe somebody else will have more insight for you.

 

But seriously, don't waste anymore time or energy thinking about that first guy!! Ugh! Be glad you dodged that bullet.

[MrNate]

I know you say you go based off of your feelings, but what if your feelings are holding you back in the beginning?

 

eh, what I'm trying to say is...what if you rushed things with the first guy? maybe that's why he said 'wow'?