Kris30 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I have a date this weekend with a guy i met online. It will be our first time meeting. I'm excited & looking forward to meeting this guy. Thing is we have flirted and joked around a little sexually & he even jokingly told me not to wear underwear on the date. So I'm wondering if he's thinking he might get lucky. Not that sex wouldn't be good, but not on the first date. I want long term and he says he does, too. What do you think?
marsle85 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Umm... I think it's pretty inappropriate of him to joke around about not wearing your underwear on the date. He should be trying to impress you, and that's a pretty raunchy statement for never having met before. Just remember, he can "expect" all he wants. You set the rules. Just make sure they're stated FLAT OUT what you expect. That way, you weed out the losers and keep the good ones. Also. Keep in mind - this guy isn't everything, life is bigger and better than your date. I'm not saying you're obsessed or anything - just keeping a solid, noncommital perspective will make you all the more appealing.
123BeachFan Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 A guy saying before you've met in person that he's looking for something long term means nothing, so don't read anything into it. That he's making sexual overtones prior to your first meetup means that he's probably open to an early sexual encounter. And since you aren't interested in sex on the first date, be sure that your first date isn't anything that gives that opportunity or suggestion. Meet in a public place. Make it something short and sweet (grab a coffee or a glass of wine somewhere). Don't make it a drawn out date (multiple venues). And heaven forbid, don't have the guy pick you up or otherwise come by your house. If you are new to online dating, you'll soon discover not all people you meet online fit your expectations in real time. So, it's best to not get too personal or intimate in your conversations prior to meeting, or you'll have that awkward feeling ("ewww, I can't believe I told him THAT").
Lizzie60 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I have a date this weekend with a guy i met online. It will be our first time meeting. I'm excited & looking forward to meeting this guy. Thing is we have flirted and joked around a little sexually & he even jokingly told me not to wear underwear on the date. So I'm wondering if he's thinking he might get lucky. Not that sex wouldn't be good, but not on the first date. I want long term and he says he does, too. What do you think? I say don't... just in case the guy is a player or he's married and that's all he wants... who knows... go with your gut.. if you want long term.. just be careful.. loooots of players out there..
make me believe Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Well he doesn't sound like much of a gentleman, does he? I don't think you two should have started "joking" about sexual things before you even met. IMO that sets a bad precedent, because now he is most likely mainly interested in how far he can get sexually with you on the first date.
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 (edited) Hey, a lot of people like a little dirty talk and risqué discussion... nothing wrong with that as long as you both are enjoying it... however, one must approach with caution and it must be very clear that yes, there is a sexual attraction, but you might want to wait to meet in person... NOTHING can ever take the place of face to face. And YES... he might have some expectation in the back of his head that he might be getting some, just due to the exchange you guys have already done. If Ive ever engaged with talking dirty or sexual with someone I dont know that well, it certainly heightens their interest and they become really keen to meet... and they do usually expect things to progress to a physical level pretty quickly... I have to say, Id much rather take things slower, so one has time to become relaxed and comfortable and not rush the natural flow of attraction and the special moments of a first kiss, touching, getting physical... so proceed with caution, but always be up front and honest... no sense in leading each other on. BTW, if a woman doesnt react well to your sexual innuendo or references, it doesnt mean she is a dead fish in bed and has no sexual interest... it just means YOU are failing to create that type of connection and attraction... simply exiting is what a wussy man does when he fears rejection... and you are doing the woman and yourself a favor in that respect, as she probably, like most women, arent really attracted to inconfident men. Edited April 7, 2010 by cooldudeinberlin
Author Kris30 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 See, I was all flirty, too, and even if I myself didn't necessarily say anything inappropriate, I may have encouraded him in some ways and at the very least I enjoyed the attention (just being honest here). So what can I say? Thanks for the replies! Looking forward to meeting this guy
make me believe Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Stbe, why should a woman be open sexually to a guy who she doesn't even know??? It's ridiculous to think that if a woman doesn't respond to a near stranger's sexual remarks/innuendos, that means she's "uncomfortable with sex." BTW, if a woman doesnt react well to your sexual innuendo or references, it doesnt mean she is a dead fish in bed and has no sexual interest... it just means YOU are failing to create that type of connection and attraction... simply exiting is what a wussy man does when he fears rejection... and you are doing the woman and yourself a favor in that respect, as she probably, like most women, arent really attracted to inconfident men. I agree with cooldude about this! Anyway, good luck on the date, Kris! Let us know how it goes.
MalachiX Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 I don't see the rush to judge this guy because of a few jokes. We don't know what his sense of humor is like or how the conversation progressed. She even said she was making the same kind of jokes. Lets not be so quick to condemn someone. OP, take things at your own pace and if he doesn't respect that then he's a jerk. Also keep in mind that he may be completely sincere about wanting a long term relationship but that doesn't mean he'd be opposed to sex on the first date. Guys are just programmed to want sex as soon as possible. It doesn't mean we don't want other things but why not get laid while you're trying to figure out if a person is your soul mate? I guess what I'm saying is you shouldn't be worried if he's sexual with you (that's only natural) but be worried if he pushes too much. There's a difference between hoping for sex and feeling entitled to it.
ADF Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 All you can say is he is hoping to get lucky. Whether he thinks it is likely to happen or not is another story. It is impossible to know if he is serious about having a LTR. Lots of guys say that and don't mean it, but some do. Time will tell.
Author Kris30 Posted April 8, 2010 Author Posted April 8, 2010 Ok... So now I'm thinking what if I really like him in person and decide I do want to sleep with him? Would that be a bad move? My roommate works that night and it's been a long time...
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