Zazu1903 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I have recently just joined this forum and really feel it has helped me to talk to people who i dont know personally who can give me an honest opinion on what they think. My situation is as follows: I had been seeing someone for 9 months, in this time he went travelling for 3. Everything right up until 3 weeks ago, when he came home from travelling was absolutely perfect. No flaws, nothing to complain about. He told me that this is the happiest he had ever been (he had been with someone for 5 years previously - although he did date once they split up) and that he had never met someone like me. He had told me i had turned his world on its head and when he was traveling we spoke everyday, in which he continuously told me i was the best thing to happen to him. I completely fell for this guy, i decided to relocate when he asked me as we dont stay in the same city, and all couldnt have been better. When he returned from traveling (he spent the last 3 weeks with his ex and some friends) he said he needed some space. I have been traveling myself and i know coming back to reality can be difficult so this i wasnt so concerned about. In this time his friends had been telling me how he has never been this happy, and one friend who he was traveling with told me that whilst he was away he told him that i was the girl he knew he was going to marry because he had never felt like this in his life. After about a week of communication but more effort from my side i asked what was going on; he said he had so many things spinning around in his head - the realisation that this was so much more serious than before he went away and the pressure to committ so soon as i was moving. I pointed out that this was all things HE suggested in the first instance and that there is no rule book - we go with the flow and see where things go. His response: I DONT THINK IM IN THE RIGHT PLACE TO SAY I WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Ok, completely out of the blue. He got in touch many times to say that he has so much feelings for me, that its nothing to do with me, he just has so much stuff going round in his head and he cant be fair on me right now. He keeps telling me how amazing i am, that iv never set a foot wrong, if he wanted a girlfriend he wouldnt be with anyone but me because i can offer him everything. In the same breath telling me he misses me and is struggling to realise im not a part of his life anymore when he thought he was going to be with me forever?? None of that makes sense. I went down for my interviews regardless and got offered all jobs - i will be taking one, and i will be moving down to where he lives, for no other reason than its a brilliant opportunity for me to start a fresh and see what it brings me. We met up when i was down there and everything was perfect, very effortless, very easy and like nothing had happened. Only difference was we werent exchanging kisses. On the train home, i got a text from a random number telling me he was seeing someone else, i confronted him and asked if this was true as it would explain alot. The idea that something happened with his ex has also crossed my mind, which i asked him also. He swears nothing happened with anyone, that he knows more than anything after spending time with his ex that he doesnt want to be with her and promises there is no one else. Since then he has been silent. No communication. I emailed him last week telling him i didnt have a right to be ignored and treated with no respect when i havent done anything wrong. How everything looks very suspicious and the bottom line is he either has feelings for me and wants to be with me, or he doesnt. He either wants to be friends or he doesnt but to be man enough to pick up the phone and let me know where i stand. He text once he recieved the email saying that he had got it but that he would respond later as it wasnt the type of thing you can reply to in five minutes. Although i know he has been moving house, and has a full time job i still think he should have made time to reply, a week had gone by and i heard nothing. As for as i was concerened, actions speak louder than words - he should be wanting to get in touch and sort this out, and my hopes of reconciling anything were getting further and further pushed away. Last night he text saying can i call later? I replied (not straight away) and said to try and hopefully i would be free. He text later on that night telling me that he knew he had my email to reply too, he wasnt forgetting about me, but that he hadnt been in the office since the day he recieved it and that he would get back to me tomorrow. I was fed up of all the games and called him to talk about it, he didnt answer. Texts got exchanged whereby he said he was having a terrible day and didnt want to talk tonight but that he would tomorrow. By this point, i was getting angry and annoyed and he should be respecting my feelings and i told him this. I told him that if he gave a damn he wouldnt have me waiting on and he would pick up the phone. His response was; im not dangling a carrot but i dont want to talk right now. I ended it. I replied and told him that he might have had a lousy day but i had had a lousy three weeks with these games. That i thought he was different and had respect for me, i was obviously wrong. I also told him that i was going to sit back and adhere to what he wanted because i needed to think of me, and that he not only had lost someone that would have given him everything and more, but he had also lost a friend because what he was showing me at that moment was something so far away from friendship. He didnt reply, and i didnt expect him too. It really confuses me how a relationship can go from a to z in the matter of a split second. Nothing was wrong before he went away and whilst he was away... i hadnt done anything wrong or acted a way i shouldnt have which really confuses me. My mum tells me that at the moment, i need to back off, leave him and he will come crawling back as men always want what they cant have... i agree and i will make sure that any contact is made from his end. What im asking from people reading this is simple... i really like this guy, and i dont know how its got to where it has... he really isnt this person whereby he ignores me, or treats me with no respect which makes this a whole lot harder. Will he come back? Does anyone reading this think he is acting this way because he feels guilty about something? If you think, what i am thinking also, because im not niave... what happens from here? Thanks
USMCHokie Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 1) There is likely someone else he met or is currently seeing and he's too much of a chickensh*t to tell you straight up. 2) Some guys will actually do what he did in this situation to force you to be the one that picks up and leaves...thereby saving him the trouble and guilt of being the dumper... 3) You did the right thing. When someone pulls a 180 out of nowhere like that, who's to say they won't do it again...it just raises a lot of suspicions as to their mental and emotional stability. 4) Move on. He sounds like a douche.
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