gtrplayer Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Ok... my previous threads were long and I re-post this excerpt to get your thoughts on this particular issue at this point. Ended 2.5yr relationship, she picked up her stuff, we have been NC for 4 days now. I feel GREAT! I am reading co-dependancy books, learning about me, seeing my therapist and have also joined a group recovery for another issue and things for "me" are feeling really good!! 1. I have a serious pending legal obligation that MAY require here presence. Of which WOULD certainly benefit me in the situation. 2. She has BEGGED and pleaded for me to take her with me to an event in 2 weeks. This event is something we have done together for the past 2 yrs. This year would be number 3. It is a 3night/4 day event. I feel SOMEWHAT obligated to do so as a "nice guy"... I KNOW the nice guy gets the dirty end of the stick in the end, however.... I have set up the best possible boundaries I could for this situation/event. We go and remain NC until the said event. During the 4 day event, we go, we enjoy, platonic, NO discussion regarding "us"... there is ZERO possibility of me changing my mine. We go, we be friends and we enjoy the event as planned. AFTER the event, it is INSTANTLY ZERO contact and that is that! THAT is absolutely NON-Negotiable! We are OVER... this event is NOT a tool for her.. it is a final nice gesture on my part since I know how much this means to her. (she could NEVER do this event "on her own") She agreed to the terms. I have NOT brought up the legal obligation that may require her assistance/presence. She IS aware that it is pending and that it exists. I guess in a way, I am just being careful NOT to burn that bridge... I know how she is... and she would respect the fact that I took her considering we are OVER. Is it selfish? YES... However, She SERIOUSLY really wants to go to this event FOR the event. I will NOT fund it for her... and because I'm "nice" I will offer to take her on the terms above. So.... having said that. There has been NC... and I will remain NC unitl Apr 15th when the "event" ensues. So... I am asking for support in terms of getting through the event. I KNOW this is all WRONG WRONG WRONG... but I find myself in a rock and a hard place in terms of the legal issue... I "may" need her in the next year to show up and "support" me in that sense. If I were to cut her off from this heartfelt desired little event... I may not get her support of which could be seriously damaging. (I may not get it anyway, but I "know" how she operates and this WILL have impact) I have cut her off from me, but I'm willing to pay this small price and take her to the event WITH boundaries. thoughts? Advice? Support?
Author gtrplayer Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 So is this simply just asinine? Is that why no one offers a response? Believe me, I know the "right" thing to do here... but I'm just in that bind. I'm hoping that through this continued NC that she will come to HER senses and not want to go, but I doubt that will happen.
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