robaday Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Hi, I was with a lovely, wonderful girl for six months, seriously I had very few complaints-we got along great, sex was great, she was gorgeous, down-to-earth etc. The downsides for me were that she was too into me-dropping friends regularly, wanting to spend more time than I was able to, rushing things before I had made any decision on what our status was etc. I'll be honest, I needed to take things slow, did my best to manage expectations, but within two months she was asking me to meet parents, asking me to change facebook status etc. Every time I tried to push back-I really cared about her, but I have the rest of my life to live and am at the stage where I can take or leave a relationship. She idolized me, had me on a pedestal-this amazing beautiful girl who was far nicer than any I have been with. I wanted to make it work, wanted her to relax a little, not place her whole world around me, but even after six months I still felt pressured and was still torn because I felt overwhelmed and not able to reciprocate, knew if anything was going to work it would take a long time. What do others do in this situation? I ended it in the end, not because I didn't like her, not because I wanted to screw around, not because of any lack of attraction. It was because I did not FEEL it and expected my feelings to grow-would others stick with it? "settle" as it were and wait for feelings to grow? How long do people give a relationship before seeing if it's worth sticking around for?
boogieboy Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Why didnt you tell her to slow things down so you got a chance to feel the same way she did? You cant leave something like that, you had to make it work.
stillafool Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I think you made the right decision to break up with her if you don't have the chemistry you are looking for in a partnership. I admire you for not wasting her time and letting her go to meet someone else who does have those feelings towards her. I don't ever think people should settle when it comes to a marital partner because life can be long and you need to be with someone you really love. Why are you second guessing your decision now?
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Hi, She idolized me, had me on a pedestal-this amazing beautiful girl who was far nicer than any I have been with. I wanted to make it work, wanted her to relax a little, not place her whole world around me, but even after six months I still felt pressured and was still torn because I felt overwhelmed and not able to reciprocate, QUOTE] neither does a woman or a man enjoy this "stardom" pedestal position, when the other sees no wrong and puts you under the pressure and fantasy that might always be hard to live up to... such situations create dependency, co-dependency and a very unhealthy addiction to one another. sounds tough to do, but you did exactly the best thing for you both as this relationship would have never turned out well and much more difficult to change.
Author robaday Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 I'm not second guessing it as such, I don't want her back, I just wonder if I dragged it out too long, or should have stayed longer, and I'm questioning my own ability to effectively manage a relationship without feeling pressured and smothered. I'm inexperienced at dating, we got along great, very easy company, very few arguments, but there were a couple of alarm bells that threw me off-I cancelled the fourth date and she phoned me three times (I was in the shower) and when I answered she was crying and said she was coming round to see me. Feeling uncomfortable I told her to wait until the next day as I was in bed ill. Insecurity I can understand, but I didn't know how much was normal and how much was simply too much-apart from that she was great. I need to emphasize that there were no fundamental problems in the relationship and I honestly felt that if we got to the same level she would be a great girlfriend-was I naive? I always want to give someone a shot but by the end my self esteem felt shot and the single life seemed so much more appealing.
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