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Really embarrassed.

JJJJKKKKJJJJ

By JJJJKKKKJJJJ
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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JJJJKKKKJJJJ Member

JJJJKKKKJJJJ

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I've never posted before, and I must say I'm completely embarrassed and a little ashamed of what I am about to post...

 

I have been dating this amazing guy for almost 4 months. We both agreed that we were going to take things very slow (since we both have had very unhealthy relationships in the past). Everything was fine. We were building a strong base for a meaningful relationship. He called me one of his best friends, and I truly felt that same towards him. We were romantically involved, but never referred to ourselves as in a relationship (the semantics are all irrelevant, what I mean here is it was never "official per se).

 

Then last Wednesday, we both got intoxicated with our friends, got into a disagreement over seeing a children's movies...and ended our relationship with a promise of no contact, him crying and me feeling more guilty than I've ever felt in my entire life. Yes...we broke it off on April Fool's day over How To Train Your Dragon (he knew I wanted to see it, but instead went to see it with his friends...if I was sober, believe me, I would have put into context).

 

During this "disagreement" I sprung the question "If I were to ask you to be my boyfriend, what would be your answer?" and he said "Right now, I would have to say no." And I got emotional, defensive and immature. I really care about this guy, but he told me if I had to disappear he would understand. He cried and ran out of my car. He said that I have made a profound appearance in his life, but the spark has been going away and he doesn't understand why. He said I was everything he was looking for. I asked him to forgive me and he of course said yes and that I am one of the most beautiful people he as ever met.

 

I texted him the next day asking him about his grandfather - because he was just admitted to the hospital and I told him that I was truly sorry to hear about that and that if he needed anything, I would be here for him. He responded "Thank you. Not much to be done, though." And that was the last thing we have said to each other.

 

Is this just stupid? Yes. Is this immature? Yes. Am I embarrassed? You better believe it. I just don't know what to do. We are both med students...and I am completely lost. I do not know how to initiate contact, or if I even should.

RobM Established Member

RobM

Posted
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How about just call him, don't text, actually call him and apologize then see if you can salvage the relationship.

EYECANDY000 Established Member

EYECANDY000

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The argrument does sound trivial. But what's alarming is him stating that the sparks are fading away.

 

Have you questioned him regarding that statement?

Ilovecake Established Member

Ilovecake

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What exactly do you have to apologize for? You have every right to be mad that he broke your plans without taking your feelings into consideration. He also told you the spark is going out of your relationship, AKA he's not feeling it the way you are. Sounds like he's just not that into you, no need to apologize to him for that.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
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The argrument does sound trivial. But what's alarming is him stating that the sparks are fading away.

 

 

 

The whole sparks line is similar to all the other cliched lines like, "I'm really busy right now" and "it's not you, it's me"...anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows that sparks are not a permanent fixture in a relationship...eventually sparks fade and you head towards real love territory...love that doesn't rely on chemical attraction, or "sparks"...it looks like he just wants some strange...and he's using the sparks line to get out of this...

55XL 33BR Member

55XL 33BR

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I'm sorry to hear about this.

Edited by snpjr
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JJJJKKKKJJJJ Member

JJJJKKKKJJJJ

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Thank you all, thus far, for your advice. To answer whether or not I have asked why the sparks are going away...I haven't. We have yet to establish contact and speak about the issue at hand, soberly.

 

The reason I asked for his forgiveness in regards to the whole situation was not that fact that I was upset or angry with him, but that I was going to have to consider and possibly go no contact. I knew that would hurt him.

 

I guess the purpose of this post is how to establish contact, what to say without looking like a desperate tool...and to see if he wanted to continue dating as to work towards a meaningful relationship.

 

The funny thing is that I didn't want to be official just yet; but I played my cards I guess...

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JJJJKKKKJJJJ Member

JJJJKKKKJJJJ

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What would be the perfect way to establish contect, since I was the one who decided to just go away? After speaking with a mutual friend, I found out that my ex is upset about what happened, hurt and trying to adjust to not having me in his life.

 

I just don't know how to break the ice...appropriately. I was going to text him after I saw a butterfly today (It's amazing weather in New England), "I saw a butterfly today, it reminded me of you. It's sad that it will die with the frost due on Friday." -- But, I think that's a little intense.

Nancydrew New Member

Nancydrew

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"I saw a butterfly today, it reminded me of you. It's sad that it will die with the frost due on Friday." -- But, I think that's a little intense.

 

LOL at little intense? hello clarice! do NOT text him that for the love of god!

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JJJJKKKKJJJJ Member

JJJJKKKKJJJJ

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OMG - that's hilarious. I wasn't even going for that! haha

 

I'm an intense poet by nature and of course didn't mean HIS death. womp womp

Nancydrew New Member

Nancydrew

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womp.

 

so anyway - I would suggest ringing him, keep it brief

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JJJJKKKKJJJJ Member

JJJJKKKKJJJJ

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Thanks for the advice. I don't think ill be contacting him - it appears as though he has met someone else according to facebook comments a person has left on his wall - and that they met one of his bestfriends. I guess I left him no option, such is the dichotomy of life...

 

I just don't know what to do (tears up), I'm such a coward. I'm not used to feeling like this. I want nothing more than to call him, and put my mind to rest...but I don't know.

Edited by Osiris866
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