strugglingfor4 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 The issue is my wife of 8 months apparently will not stop cheating. It's been almost 4 months ago since finding evidence of her affair through her email by accident. She left the message open and I was only curious but never knew this would happen. I'm really at lost of what to do. No matter how much I demand we go to marriage counseling and beg her to stop seeing the OM, she refuses to expressed remorse. I know obviously divorce would be the answer but what if she comes back to me and decides to work on the marriage? Is there any solution left to this, something that will make her come back to me? I would take her back if she displayed at least some remorse. Don't get me wrong, the first time I found out about it my first reaction was to end the marriage and possible throw her out. However, she kept begging me to take her back and that things would change but 2 weeks later it was the same again. Now she denies there was sex with the OM. The worst part is last week she told me I can start seeing other women, that she wouldn't mind as long as I don't bring any at home. I'm aware that probably any other men would have throw her out but there was something special about her that made me fall in love long ago. Without her (if I divorce her) it seems part of my life is over. I feel like I can't live without her. An hour as my wife left I sat down on the bottom of the stairs, covered my face and started crying. I really want to beat the living hell out of the OM. He took her away from me.
Eurydice Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 It takes two. It always takes two. It is not as though a Viking came in, held everyone at swordpoint, and carried her away. If she will not consent to MC, then you may be advised to seek it yourself to help clarify any lingering issues or considerations which are in your mind.
Woggle Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Why do you want her back? When you were a single man and you imagined what your ideal woman would be did it include a woman that constantly cheated on you? Divorce her and move on becuase you are better off without her. Also the OM did not take her away from you. She chose to cheat on you and you are just sitting there and taking it.
Author strugglingfor4 Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 It takes two. It always takes two. It is not as though a Viking came in, held everyone at swordpoint, and carried her away.You're right but love can make you act irrational and do crazy things. If she will not consent to MC, then you may be advised to seek it yourself to help clarify any lingering issues or considerations which are in your mind.No she will not consent to MC nor seems to care about me at all. In fact when I called and demanded her whereabout, she answered none of your business and hanged up. I know I got to have the strength but it's like I can't stop loving her. This woman makes me crazy. Come to think about it, practically our whole relationship was mainly about herself and her needs. What about me? What will I do with the engagement ring she made me buy. I had to actually changed it for another one more expensive because she didn't like the original one.
Author strugglingfor4 Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 (edited) Why do you want her back?I love her too much and without her, I feel part of my life means nothing. I wish there was a way I can see her as a monster or hate her but she drives me crazy. All she's been putting me through and isn't even remorseful. When you were a single man and you imagined what your ideal woman would be did it include a woman that constantly cheated on you?That's not what I imagined how my ideal woman would be when I was single. She wasn't a cheater before marriage. The only negative aspect was she was always demanding, made me return an engagement ring because it was cheaper and according to her didn't match her style, and once cancel a date because I was broken. There were some arguments like any couple but then everything got solved. However, she was never the cheating type but now it's a disaster. Divorce her and move on because you are better off without her.Yes but what if this were to happen: As I'm filing for divorce and on my way towards signing the papers, she is very remorseful and begs me to give it one last chance? Edited April 6, 2010 by strugglingfor4
Woggle Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 You can be so much more without her. Take up a hobby or find some friends and enjoy the freedom I can almost be sure that you did not have with her. The ring issue should have been red flag number one. If she begs you for another chance she is lying and you should say no.
giotto Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 she's abusing you... you don't have any self-respect? Do you know how she sees you? A pathetic little man she can walk all over any time... because you'll take her back...
xxoo Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Yes but what if this were to happen: As I'm filing for divorce and on my way towards signing the papers, she is very remorseful and begs me to give it one last chance? When someone shows you who they are (actions, not words), believe them. It doesn't matter what she says. She is a heartless cheater, and took advantage of your kind nature. If she begs you to take you back, she is looking to take advantage of you again. You pine for the girl you thought she was, but she never was that girl. Open your eyes and see who she truly is. Get some individual counseling if you feel that life is meaningless without her, and so you will be in a better "place" to choose a partner in the future.
del88 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 It doesn't sound like your wife is serious about your relationship and fidelity since it's okay with her for you to see other women. Why would you want to spend your life with someone like that. It might be beneficial to you to move on. It may take some time to heal, but it will happen.
Author strugglingfor4 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 (edited) If she begs you for another chance she is lying and you should say no.I'll keep that in mind. The update is she is still with the OM and hasn't shown up so I just did something stupid today. I torned many of our photos to pieces and destroyed our marriage picture frame (pieces of glass are still on the floor). I have never really snapped before. If I proceed on towards divorcing her and pawn the engagement ring, do they give you back everything that was wasted on it. I never even liked it but that's the one she insisted. I'm realizing she hardly ever did any favors at all. I was very sick once long ago when we were dating but she did even bother to to come visit me or wished me better? NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOO:mad: The date had to be cancel until for around 2 weeks. Edited April 7, 2010 by strugglingfor4
Author strugglingfor4 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 she's abusing you... you don't have any self-respect? Do you know how she sees you? A pathetic little man she can walk all over any time... because you'll take her back...I know and believe me, I'm fed up all she put me through. I tried to save the marriage and even while dating, there was a total of 5 break-ups initiated by her. Like an idiot, I took her back. I was always the one trying to fix an argument or if the relationship was getting rocky, etc. How long will it take me to get over this inconsiderate, nasty bitch once I divorce her?
Woggle Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Donn't lose your temper. The best way to fight a woman in divorce is to get a pitbull lawyer and fight hard but stay calm and keep your composure at all times. There is nothing that drives some women crazier than a man keeping his cool while she rages and acts like a deranged banshee. They can't stand when they can't break you and now is the time to muster all the strength you have to keep that demeanor though the divorce. Be cool and ruthless. Next time calmly toss stuff in the trash instead of breaking it. Never let her see you like this. I am not an expert in pawning but I imagine you can get a good amount for a ring. Shop around and get it appraised then enjoy yourself with the money without breathing down your back.
Author strugglingfor4 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Donn't lose your temper. The best way to fight a woman in divorce is to get a pitbull lawyer and fight hard but stay calm and keep your composure at all times. There is nothing that drives some women crazier than a man keeping his cool while she rages and acts like a deranged banshee. They can't stand when they can't break you and now is the time to muster all the strength you have to keep that demeanor though the divorce. Be cool and ruthless. Next time calmly toss stuff in the trash instead of breaking it. Never let her see you like this.I know and never thought that would be my reaction. This is the opposite of my typical quiet, reserve nature. I think anyone can snap when reaching the breaking point. I am not an expert in pawning but I imagine you can get a good amount for a ring. Shop around and get it appraised then enjoy yourself with the money without breathing down your back. Yes it would finally be a relief for me. There would be no more wasting money when I could have save it for more relevant materials long ago instead of draining it on her. Did she ever wasted money on me? Nope because according to her, a woman only spends it if it's a man's birthday, Christmas or a special day. Otherwise it was me practically all time being her sugar daddy.
Woggle Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Read what just wrote objectively and ask if splitting from her is really a bad thing. She already gave you a bunch of red flags. Her type do nothing but suck a man dry and then chuck him aside when he is all dried up. Trust me when I say you will be better off without her. Spend the ring money on some good debaunchery that you could not do with her. Going out after a split and doing all the things you could not do without her tearing you apart is one of the most liberating things a man could do. You snapping is understandable but get yourself out of that frame of mind and prepare for the divorce war. Get yourself a good lawyer and keep your cool like I said.
lkjh Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Man I am sorry but why the hell should she respect you when you don't respect yourself. You are literally letting her walk all over you.
Author strugglingfor4 Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 In case you don't remember me I'm the depressed soon to be ex husband with a cheating wife (future ex as well too). I didn't wanted to end this badly but had to. Why did I took so long to throw her out? I didn't had it with me at the time and always had a great difficulty saying no. After all I done, that's how she treated me (like absolute dirt). She hasn't beg me to take her back and apparently doesn't seem the least bit concern about the upcoming divorce, unbelievable. Is this feeling going to go away? Why do I still love her? I can't seem to shake her off my mind even though she never deserved me at all. I imagine her begging, crying and telling me it was all a big mistake. I'm going to have a time hard saying no but will have to. I don't want to be treated like this no more.
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