imstillnotcool Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 So I met this girl a few weeks ago and we hung out multiple times since then. It seemed like a legit LTR potential in the making and I was taking it really slow and showing her a great time each time we hung out. Fast forward to this last Saturday...I invited her to a party with my friends and she accepted. We were all getting really drunk and one of my 'friends' was being obnoxious. He kept going on and on about trivial things (he even kept touching the girl in question on her body and making rude comments) so I got fed up and started screaming at him. I told him to shut the F up and fight if he was going to keep going. According to my friends she looked pretty terrified because she never saw that from me behavior. I texted her the next morning saying 'Sorry about last night, that wasn't a good representation of my typical character. Hopefully we're still cool.' She texted back about 7 or 8 hours later saying 'I hate to sound overdramatic but honestly I'm pretty sure we're not cool. I understand you were hammered because we've all been there, but I just didn't like the person I saw last night.' I texted back after that just saying 'Yeah, I don't blame you. I think last night was a turning point for me in regards to too much alcohol because it's not worth the problems caused. Just know I'm legitimately sorry.' And that's it....never got a response. I mean, yeah...I understand where she is coming from but is that seriously enough to just change her mind? It sounds a little dramatic. Especially since she recognized it was the alcohol mainly. I'm just wondering what I should do in this situation? I was planning on just not contacting her to give her time to think about all the good she saw in me every other time. I figure if she does that and still doesn't call or text then she really has no intention of it. Any advice would be appreciated.
Lakeside_runner Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Sorry to hear that... but it really seems like it's gone and over. A few weeks is a short time and the moment she saw your drunken semi-violent behavior and she didn't like it... oh well - next! If she doesn't contact you you'll have your answer. Now, the more you apologize and try to contact her now - the worse you'll make it.
Fouts Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Sorry bro, it's not the alcohol, it's a personality trait, and unfortunately for you one that scared her off for good.
Author imstillnotcool Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 I was afraid of that. I'm not sure why I'm so hung up on this girl either since I only knew her for 3 weeks. She didn't display any flaws (of course she has them..) so I can't use those to bring any solace to myself. I suppose it's my fault. She didn't know me well enough yet to see that I wouldn't normally be like that. It just feels real bad right now =/ Oh, and I deleted her number from my phone so I wouldn't send any needy messages. I guess I just need to come to grips with the fact that it's done.
Fouts Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 You've done the right thing. Just learn from it, that's all you can do. You feel worse because it's someone you liked and you feel like she didn't give the real you a chance. It happens sometimes.
Author imstillnotcool Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 Yeah, I guess I just didn't like the guy smacking her butt and telling her he was going to screw her. I also don't understand her logic because just two days prior she was telling me how she got in a physical fight with 2 of her friends while drunk. Double standards are pretty common though, I guess. I just can't shake this nauseous feeling and it sucks.
spiderowl Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I think you've lost this one; she didn't like your behaviour. It sounds reasonable to object to your friend's behaviour, but you need to consider whether the woman minded or not (she probably did, but did she say anything to him to try to stop him?). You also need to consider whether your response was proportionate and reasonable. As an example, a drunk was bothering me and a friend appeared as he was concerned about me. My fear then was that he would end up getting beaten up by the drunk - a drunk will rarely beat up a woman, but can get more aggressive if a male gets involved. My friend simply told him calmly and pleasantly to 'keep it quiet and friendly' mate. The guy responded positively and didn't react aggressively. My friend intervened firmly and pleasantly, acting like a grown up not an aggressive or jealous kid. Can you say the same?
Left in a Lurch Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Yeah, I guess I just didn't like the guy smacking her butt and telling her he was going to screw her. I also don't understand her logic because just two days prior she was telling me how she got in a physical fight with 2 of her friends while drunk. Double standards are pretty common though, I guess. I just can't shake this nauseous feeling and it sucks. Well there is the chink in the armor- She has a double standard and she also apparently can't see that when hanging out with a guy who is interested, her allowing a guy to smack her on the butt and make those comments isn't cool. Look at it like this, she gets in physical fights with other women, not too classy. Not only does she get in fights, but she holds it against you if you do. She's a hypocrite. She also knew you were interested and let a guy say and do those things in front of you and from your posts it doesn't sound like she was exactly fighting him off. You'd probably spend countless nights out with her with guys hitting on her and her letting it happen right in front of you. It gets old.
Engadget Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 There are very few times when it's ok to lose your cool around chicks. Some women love it. One night coming home a kid and a car was blocking the street, so I waited. After a minute I got fed up and asked him to move, he told me to "f off". So I peeled out into the driveway past him, going over the curb and when I got out of the car with this girl, I heard him call me a "bitch". I stormed down the driveway with fire in my eyes and stood face to face with the guy and told him to get in the car and leave before I slammed his head into it. The look on his face and the girl's in the car was priceless, he folded and almost crapped his pants. They took off and the girl I was with was so turned on she jumped on top of me when we got back inside.
Author imstillnotcool Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 (edited) Well there is the chink in the armor- She has a double standard and she also apparently can't see that when hanging out with a guy who is interested, her allowing a guy to smack her on the butt and make those comments isn't cool. Look at it like this, she gets in physical fights with other women, not too classy. Not only does she get in fights, but she holds it against you if you do. She's a hypocrite. She also knew you were interested and let a guy say and do those things in front of you and from your posts it doesn't sound like she was exactly fighting him off. You'd probably spend countless nights out with her with guys hitting on her and her letting it happen right in front of you. It gets old. This made me feel a little better. In her defense she did tell him that it wasn't appropriate at all. Her friend did as well. With that said, you're right...she is a hypocrite. The other strange thing is she slept by me that very night after all this went down...like, invited me into the bed next to her. Some pretty gnarly mixed signals. Probably not worth it in the end anyways. Edited April 6, 2010 by imstillnotcool
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