AngelDollFace Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I am 31 and have been dating my bf (36) for almost two years. In that two years there have been 2 girls he kissed behind my back. Many girls he cultivated "dangerous friendships" with online (one of them was one of the girls he kissed). He uses the cell phone I bought him to text other girls. The issue: I love this man. All of my family and friends tell me to run like hell, but it's so hard. He became my life (a major part in it) and we spent months seeing each other every day... we had a routine of where we went on what nights. We share all the same friends and still go to the same places (just not together). We have broken up for a few days at a time through-out our relationship. The last break up was a month ago but since then we've still had sex and slept at each others places a few times. He holds me and is close to me... I woke up the other morning to him watching me sleep and smiling at me and caressing my cheek. He had that look of love in his eyes. The sex is very, very good but was never frequent enough when we were together... I got told "no" a lot. The problem through this entire relationship has been that one day he will be very close to me but the next will back away or start trying to date someone else. He isn't what most women would consider attractive and I am what you'd consider to be attractive... I know I love him more than he loves me. I don't understand his mixed signals... I stayed the night with him this weekend and I thought we might be getting back together then I found out he is texting a girl he knows and that they met up together at a club one night recently. This relationship is making me crazy. I know about the flings and cheating because of spying.... I am very good at it I've looked at his phone before and his computer... it's how I've caught him every time. A few months ago when I first saw texts to this girl he knew I took his phone and changed the number in his contact list to the number of my other cell phone... so when he texts her I get them... and he hadn't been texting her for awhile but then after he spent this very romantic weekend with me he met up with her last night and thanked her in a text and then today he texted her again to tell her how great it was to see her and asked if she was single. I feel bad for snooping, but it's the only way I can protect my heart with him. I know I should move on but it's so hard. I simply feel like I can't walk away. Why does he seem to love me one day and not the next? Why is it that he'd cheat on me with women less attractive, less kind and less successful (and older)? Why is he skirt chasing on dating sites etc when he could have me and seems to love his time with me? Why bother with me at all if what he really wants is someone else? It seems as if he doesn't care who gets hurt (even me) as long as he gets what he wants- collateral damage. He doesn't try to hurt me... he just doesn't seem to care if I get hurt by his actions I've never been able to do NC with him despite trying over and over. I really need help. Sorry this is so long I just need to know why a man would be so back and forth like this and what it means
ADF Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Any time you are reduced to snooping, the relationship is pretty much over. All trust is gone at the point you start spying on someone. Look, I don't know you, and I don't know this man. But I'd bet real money he has gone much further with his infidelity than you think he has. Much further. You are assuming that the transgressions you know about are the only ones that have occured. I seriously doubt it. I am not going to tell you anything knew. This man is bad, and you need to get away from him. Quit whining about how hard it is, grow a spine, and kick this bum to the curb already. If you don't you deserve whatever you get, frankly.
dazzle22 Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 He sounds like a sociopath to me. He knows exactly what to do to keep you hanging on, such types always do. They are very seductive. He probably doesn't want as much sex with you because he is getting it elsewhere. He has shown on many occasions he is totally untrustworthy. If I were you, I would tell my friends and family that I needed help to get away, that I felt weak in this situation,and then rely on them for support and break up with him. He is bad news and does not deserve your love.
sally4sara Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Don't get crazy - get out! This is not the face of love. His actions are not the actions of love. His actions are that of a pet when you feed them - they love the food but not necessarily the hand giving it. You are wasting your time on this one.
DontWorryBHappy Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I know I love him more than he loves me. I'm sorry but, I stopped reading there. That's your answer.
norajane Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I just need to know why a man would be so back and forth like this and what it means It means he's a player, it means he's not interested in a committed relationship, and it means he's not in it to find love. Proceed at your own risk. You know what he's about and he's not going to change.
D-Lish Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Why does he seem to love me one day and not the next? Why is it that he'd cheat on me with women less attractive, less kind and less successful (and older)? Why is he skirt chasing on dating sites etc when he could have me and seems to love his time with me? Because he can- because no one holds him accountable. You keep wondering what is wrong with him- but you haven't addressed what is wrong with you. Why would you put up with this? Why would you stay with a person that treats you this way? He does what he does because you aren't going to leave him over it.
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