MarieMarie Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I've been in a great relationship for 9 months. We're both in our early 30s. The other day I finally blurted out "I love you." Bad idea, I know. He didn't say it back, but went on to say that it's a really big deal for him and in his last relationship he didn't say it until they'd been together for a year (even though she said it first, and much sooner than he did). Should I be worried that he hasn't said it back yet? I do feel like his actions show that he does love me - he's been wanting to spend more time together, contacting me more frequently, talking about meeting his family. And the other day when we were talking about a friend who's going through a pregnancy drama, he said "I'm glad we're on the same page about having kids." (Meaning that we're both on the fence about it.) Do you think these actions outweigh the fact that he hasn't said the L-word? I think they do, but I don't want to be delusional here.
aerogurl87 Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Some people take longer than others to say the L word. My best friend didn't tell her boyfriend that she loved him till they'd been dating for a year (which to me is too long). Others like myself say it pretty soon, for me it takes about 3 months for me to usually gauge if I love someone or not, sometimes less time depending on the circumstances. So don't worry, doesn't mean he doesn't love you it just might mean he wants to be 100% sure he does love you before saying it, which is a good thing.
boogieboy Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Youve been with him 9 months and still havent met his family? Oh boy, he doesnt say he loves you because he just doesnt. I dont think he will every really be in love with you, ever. If he hasnt fallen for you by now, hes not the one for you.
Author MarieMarie Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 He hasn't met my family yet either. In fact, I haven't even brought up the subject of him meeting my family. So I don't really think that's a bad sign in and of itself. His actions seem to indicate that he's interested in a future with me, so are you saying that I should break things off just because he hasn't said "I love you yet"? It doesn't really feel like the right thing to do...
likestolaugh Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Youve been with him 9 months and still havent met his family? Oh boy, he doesnt say he loves you because he just doesnt. I dont think he will every really be in love with you, ever. If he hasnt fallen for you by now, hes not the one for you. don't listen to this guy, Marie. Too quick to jump to conclusions.
pandagirl Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Two of my most happily married friends were in slow-loving relationships, where they didn't say ILY until after more than a year of dating. If everything else is going well, I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Star Gazer Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Words are just that: words. The better question is, does he SHOW you that he loves you?
boogieboy Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 He hasn't met my family yet either. In fact, I haven't even brought up the subject of him meeting my family. So I don't really think that's a bad sign in and of itself. His actions seem to indicate that he's interested in a future with me, so are you saying that I should break things off just because he hasn't said "I love you yet"? It doesn't really feel like the right thing to do... Of course it doesnt FEEL like the right thing to do, because you are already invested emotionally - and you dont want to start over. But in my experiences, anything that isnt a yes is a no. Theres no in between. He likes your relationship and you as a person but he's not in love with you. I mean I dont know the guy, maybe he will tell you in a nother year or so, but ILY is a big deal to him. If he's not in love with you after 9 months, there must be some things about you that are making him stay guarded. he could also be keeping you on your toes deliberately from wearing his heart on his sleeve and getting burned. So maybe he shows you how he loves you but just doesnt say it.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Youve been with him 9 months and still havent met his family? Oh boy, he doesnt say he loves you because he just doesnt. I dont think he will every really be in love with you, ever. If he hasnt fallen for you by now, hes not the one for you. I don't agree with this. Granted, 9 months seems long to me to fall in love but generally I have said it early in both my serious relationships. If he is showing he cares about you, then I would give him a chance. People fall in love at different speeds. Oh, and I don't see anything odd about not meeting each other's family after 9 months. That's important to some people to wait on that.
txsilkysmoothe Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Are you assuming that he loves you, but just isn't willing or capable of saying so? Is that right? A man of 30 who can't verbalize it???? Or, are you saying that after 9 months he doesn't love you YET? and you're okay with that? Either way, it doesn't sound right to me. And he has done this before with a woman and is no longer with her..........
threebyfate Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 What makes you feel loved? This is important to figure out. If you need someone who can express emotions, regardless if he loves you, this doesn't bode well. I personally wouldn't stick around with someone like this, who's either terrified or incapable of expressing emotions. It smacks of major baggage.
123BeachFan Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 If I were in a romantic relationship with a man for more than 6 months without him ever uttering the "L" word, I'd probably cut my losses and move on. Assuming, of course, I was looking for something meaningful and long term (and not just a casual thing). At 9 months, I'd question the whole emotional intimacy/baggage thing with him. Have you used the "L" word on him? Have you been dating this whole time? Exclusively?
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