Strawberrypeaches Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Not sure if this is where I should be posting, but I figured since Im engaged then yes? Anyways, been with the OH for 1 and 1/2 yrs now, engaged for the half and things were going soo good, we have had alot of problems and sorted them out, out of the blue he tells me that he wasnt up for sex (RARE) and is funny with me all day. He then come out with "If i think about having sex with you it seems like I cant be bothered and wouldnt be turned on, but if I think about sex with someone else it seems interesting JUST because their not you"... What am I doing wrong? He is my whole world, i want to make him happy so he can enjoy the relationship as much as me..am I just too boring in bed?
troggleputty Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 No you're not too boring. He sounds immature and not ready for marriage, which is unfortunate if that's what you've been heading towards. He has a "grass is greener" attitude. I would talk to him more. Find out what he means--is he fantasizing about real women that he knows when you're intimate with him; or is he fantasizing about complete fantasy women? I would suggest couples counseling/sex therapy to see if you really want to continue this relationship.
Author Strawberrypeaches Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 No you're not too boring. He sounds immature and not ready for marriage, which is unfortunate if that's what you've been heading towards. He has a "grass is greener" attitude. I would talk to him more. Find out what he means--is he fantasizing about real women that he knows when you're intimate with him; or is he fantasizing about complete fantasy women? I would suggest couples counseling/sex therapy to see if you really want to continue this relationship. Well, there is this one person he finds pretty attractive, and I am guessing this is who he was fantasizing over. He told me he does not fantasize about others during sex, and that this is a "recent silly thing" but I cant help worrying what could I possibly be doing wrong. And thanks, might give that a shot
del88 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I agree, he does sound pretty immature. Is the person he is fantasizing about someone you know. I would really try to talk with him to see if you can find out what he's thinking and feeling about you and your relationship. It may take a while since some men find it difficult to open up and express their true feelings, but keep trying.
Author Strawberrypeaches Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 I agree, he does sound pretty immature. Is the person he is fantasizing about someone you know. I would really try to talk with him to see if you can find out what he's thinking and feeling about you and your relationship. It may take a while since some men find it difficult to open up and express their true feelings, but keep trying. I think its mainly one person, but I think its also anyone in general, :/ like a random person off the street or something.
tnttim Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 he wants someone different, then approach him for sex different. You can be that different women everytime, just change it up.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 If i think about having sex with you it seems like I cant be bothered and wouldnt be turned on, but if I think about sex with someone else it seems interesting JUST because their not you" I would not marry someone who said that to me. That is the sort of thing that does not change for the better. It only gets worse from there.
Enema Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 I agree with tnttim. Men are wired to want variety. It's an evolutionary thing as having a strong desire to sleep with lots of different females increased the chances of getting your genes passed on. I'm impressed (and you should be to!) that your guy is so open and honest about what he's going through with you. A lot of guys would keep it to themselves and their wife would have no idea why he wasn't into sex. Contrary to what others suggest, this is a sign of maturity that he trusts you enough to talk about it. You can keep him interested by changing things up, keep being different.
Joe Normal Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 He is getting bored of having sex with the same woman. I have a friend who has this "syndrome" in extremis, he always loses interest after about 50 shags. Many guys have a milder version of it. Don't feel bad, it is nothing to do with your attractiveness, it's just a weird aspect of male sexuality. The way to avoid it is to change your appearance regularly. I.e. change your clothes style, hair style, hair colour, makeup etc every couple of months. Another way is to spice things up e.g. have sex outdoors, exchange your dirtiest fantasies, go out on "dates" without wearing underwear, that kinda thing.
FarmGirl Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 the best sex I ever had (in current relationship which isn't much to judge by) is the night after I've had a big hairstyle/ color change start being unpredictable and as another poster said changing things up a bit also DON'T rush into marriage...take your time!!
SarahRose Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Not sure if this is where I should be posting, but I figured since Im engaged then yes? Anyways, been with the OH for 1 and 1/2 yrs now, engaged for the half and things were going soo good, we have had alot of problems and sorted them out, out of the blue he tells me that he wasnt up for sex (RARE) and is funny with me all day. He then come out with "If i think about having sex with you it seems like I cant be bothered and wouldnt be turned on, but if I think about sex with someone else it seems interesting JUST because their not you"... What am I doing wrong? He is my whole world, i want to make him happy so he can enjoy the relationship as much as me..am I just too boring in bed? I double dog dare you to say the exact same thing to him and see how he likes it. Tell him that you have thought about it and you agree that you too think about being with other men and get excited but when you think about him you can't be bothered.
Els Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I agree with tnttim. Men are wired to want variety. It's an evolutionary thing as having a strong desire to sleep with lots of different females increased the chances of getting your genes passed on. I'm impressed (and you should be to!) that your guy is so open and honest about what he's going through with you. A lot of guys would keep it to themselves and their wife would have no idea why he wasn't into sex. Contrary to what others suggest, this is a sign of maturity that he trusts you enough to talk about it. You can keep him interested by changing things up, keep being different. What if your woman had said that to you? I'm pretty sure all humans, not just men, like variety.
kappa84 Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Try to surprise him with something a little more spicy...
SarahRose Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 What if your woman had said that to you? I'm pretty sure all humans, not just men, like variety. Agreed. I think everyone likes variety and attention
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 I'd agree that women like variety too. At times with my ex i'd fantasise about other men because him alone didn't do it for me. I think its just human nature. We all like novelty; the suprise and the amazement of something thats new. In a relationship, we all tend to get into routines, especially sexual ones. Even if you introduce variety, you're still essentially the same woman; same body, same mouth, same ahem...haha I don't think anyone can create TRUE variety. If he really can't settle for JUST you, which is what a marriage is, then you need to discuss that between you.
tnttim Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Variety is the spice of life We all love new things, no matter how scary they were at first
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