dario Posted January 15, 2004 Posted January 15, 2004 Is it wrong to ask your ex to help you cope through the emotion? I tried hiding my pain...but she recently discovered that I'm failing. I'm exhausting myself through work and I don't know what to do....it's become a mess because of this and that. Is it wrong to ask them for help? Is that weird?
Errol Posted January 15, 2004 Posted January 15, 2004 You are in pain because of breaking up with her and yet you want her to help you through the pain? Yes, it's weird. You can't get past the pain if she's still involved in your life. You can reinvolve her as a friend once you are "over" her, but thats like keeping a lit cigarette in front of you when you are trying to quit smoking.
Author dario Posted January 15, 2004 Author Posted January 15, 2004 It was a strange situation. It's wrong of me to say that 'she is the only one who understands' as if she did understand then she wouldn't have cut me at such a bad time, huh? I am kinda losing it and all the loveshackers have been amazing in their support. I just don't know what to do now as my work is definitely suffering....and, yes, I'm trying not to drink...but I am. And it's all coming down. Moments of power come...but they are zapped by everything that's going on around me. My friend said I should call her...tell her...but I don't want to be a bluthering idiot. I play it straight with her...well, I did in last contact. She did something to me that was a bit weird...I don't know. I'm tired and Idon't want anti-depressant etc.
sarah12 Posted January 16, 2004 Posted January 16, 2004 You can't ask her to help you if you want to get over her. L-shackers could probably do a better job anyhow! Is this the ex that got into your e-mail? Don't let that get to you. Somebody suggested that you write an e-mail to yourself about how pathetic it is that people have so much time on their hands that they would do something like that. I thought that was a great suggestion. Give her a taste of her own medicine. You are a much better person than that. You need to pick yourself up and tell yourself, today is the day that you are a new person. You will keep yourself busy everyday and try as much as possible to not think about her. Surround yourself with friends and family as often as you can and really enjoy the time you spend with them. Listen to them, laugh with them, and do not let yourself think about the ex. I know this is easier said than done, but it helps. You just have to see it for yourself. good luck.
moimeme Posted January 16, 2004 Posted January 16, 2004 Get yourself to a counsellor. Your workplace may have an employee assistance program. It will look better on you if you seek help before they send you. Go. Now.
GwiLo Posted January 16, 2004 Posted January 16, 2004 I second that. I didn't involve my ex in trying to help me. She submersed herself even more into her work, and I didn't into mine. I started drinking heavily for a few weeks and ended up in a really bad place inside myself. It was one of the admin staff at work who pulled me up on it. She talked to be gently for a few days, and then said bluntly "truthfully, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with your life. She's gone. Pity isn't attractive and you;ve let yourself go". She was right. On the flip side, she's also a part time relate counsellor, so she suggested going and getting some help outside of my employer's scheme. Best thing I ever did. Sorted out a lot of things in my head. Course, some feelings remain, and i've got to deal with those (thnx to LSrs in other thread for this) Also, find something not work related to fill some time (i took up the guitar, writing poems and cycling). And avoid turning to the bottle as a comfort measure.
Author dario Posted January 18, 2004 Author Posted January 18, 2004 All very important suggestions. Thankyou. I have been drinking - I really can't believe how much. Just over the w/e I saw that I had three empty vodka bottles and I realised that this was getting way out of hand. I busked (I usta do it alot) with a friend on saturday night and it was good to do this again after such a long absence. Not for money...more for the company and the music. He told me that I should play it safe....continue...get things done....it eventually came down to a planned o/s trip...a kinda working holiday. Just for three of so months. I fell into a trap as I wanted so many questions ansered. And there were so many things that I wanted to clarify. But that's nuts. And if she thinks I'm nuts...well, who cares? I know myself. I know what I have to do. I have to breath. No, seriously, I have to breath.... I think a trip away might do me some good. As I haven't had a holiday (a proper once) since I was a kid. I'm in my late 20s now and I haven't given myself enough credit and the support I need. So, that's what I'll do. I'll go on a trip. Write my arm off and get some work done.
Arabess Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 I know what you are saying. It's the person who you used to go to when your life was bad...they were always there. And now you need them....and they not only aren't there to catch you when you fall.....but hell, they pushed you off the cliff in the first place. It's TOUGH! I think the road trip sounds like a great idea. Stay away from sad songs.....and good luck!
Author dario Posted January 19, 2004 Author Posted January 19, 2004 Thanks Arabess... I'm in a strange place...as we all are (well, you know what I mean) and I don't have much family and I did think she would understand. My work has risen a few notches and there's a bunch of other stuff. I emailed her the other day with 'I just need to talk...' I was going to tell her that I was going away. But she thought I was freaky etc. So, I didn't say and will not say a thing. I know that this is for me. It's not running away. It's more like....taking some time to get things -all things- together. Give up drinking (hope, hope) and get some of my own stuff done. I guess at the end -to her- I did appear a bit freaky as my whole level of excitement dropped...y'know, on the phone etc. But why wouldn't it? It's an odd game to play - this 'love stuff'.
Author dario Posted January 20, 2004 Author Posted January 20, 2004 Before I leave on my trip I aim to send her a letter and just leave it be. Good idea? Anyone? Not a malicious letter...just one explaining a few things. It would settle my head.
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