ImaManDammit Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I'm in my 40's and I'll agree somewhat old fashion. Old Fashioned in the sense of the thing I need from someone, but at the same time I don't frown upon what others need because to each his own. I find what I am looking for seems to be less and less likely, or am I just not see it, or meeting them in the right places? Simply put, I would like to find a woman that needs an emotional attachment before she sleeps with someone. They don't even have to be in a relationship, but at least the hope that that who ever they are dating is going in a direction that has the potential be long term. More and more I get the sex is just and act, and as long as it's safe, then there's no reason to associate it with love and emotion. I'm cool with that opinion, and if that what you need then I'm happy for them. But it's not for me. For me, if I don't atleast care for someone, then I couldn't sleepy with them, and that they also had to have that same thinking. Am I out of luck?
Knittress Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 No, but I think those types of people are harder to notice/find. They're more likely to spend their Saturday nights at home with a book or having a quiet dinner with friends than going out on the town, IMO.
aerogurl87 Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Women like that still exist. I'm sort of like that. If I feel like a guy has potential we have to be in an exclusive relationship before I sleep with him. And even my one night stands, haven't really been one night stands since they always involved some sort of dating aspect before sex.
t0ri Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Those women do still exist. I won't sleep with someone unless we're exclusive, or headed in that direction at the very least. I do spend my nights out on the town with friends when I'm single, but I'm 22.
bac Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Most women are like that. I wonder where are you looking for women?
2sunny Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 No, but I think those types of people are harder to notice/find. They're more likely to spend their Saturday nights at home with a book or having a quiet dinner with friends than going out on the town, IMO. i totally am in the same place as the OP. and i totally agree with the quote above.
CarrieT Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I think I am now one of those women. I am 46 and have been single for two years. Immediately after ending a sexless relationship, I had my wild times of getting a laid a few times (just to catch up!), but am now not even dating because the guys I've met want to start making out on a first date. I am home alone on Saturday nights -- moreso because it is amateur night at restaurants -- with a book or a movie. There's the hard part; I am not a bar person and the dating sites sucked. How do we and the OP find folks like us? I've tried a few of the meetup.com groups but even they seem like meat markets.
Disillusioned Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I am pretty much after the same kind of woman the OP is after: no emotional attachment = dealbreaker. My assessment is that the promiscuity crowd (especially the ones who have done the hookup thing) has had a measure of success in giving emotional bonding a bad name. However, even hardcore hooker-uppers reluctantly admit that the need for emotional bonding eventually sneaks up on them, and then they hate themselves for giving in.
CarrieT Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 However, even hardcore hooker-uppers reluctantly admit that the need for emotional bonding eventually sneaks up on them, and then they hate themselves for giving in. Some of us "hardcore hooker-uppers" aren't even reluctant in admitting our need for an emotional bond. *My* admitted promiscuity only occurred BETWEEN relationships; never during. But once I am in a relationship, I am 100% monogamous and usually satisfied.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I am so like that ... but I am elderly; I don't know about the younguns. It's interesting how frequently I see a thread on this site to the effect of "dating for 3 months and still no sex" getting many responses like, "she's obviously sexually repressed," or "what a game player." I mean, I'm truly shocked! Don't worry, OP, you will find your girl.
Rittenhouse Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Women like that still exist. I'm sort of like that. If I feel like a guy has potential we have to be in an exclusive relationship before I sleep with him. And even my one night stands, haven't really been one night stands since they always involved some sort of dating aspect before sex. I don't get it. If there was a dating aspect, then why did they only turn out to be one night stands? And to the OP: Ditto everything you said. If you find such a woman, please ask her if she has any sisters, and if she does, send them my way.
txsilkysmoothe Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Yes these women still exist and I am one. Most of the women I know seek an emotional attachment. I think most young women initially choose to be with a man with whom they have an emotional attachment, but they get burned so they put up a wall and adopt a detached approach to sex. It happens with men as well. Quite unfortunate.
aerogurl87 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I don't get it. If there was a dating aspect, then why did they only turn out to be one night stands? And to the OP: Ditto everything you said. If you find such a woman, please ask her if she has any sisters, and if she does, send them my way. Lol, well they turned out to be one night stands because I found I didn't want to see them anymore after we had sex. Although it didn't stop almost all of them from coming back and asking to see me again.
Engadget Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I'm in my 20's, and honestly it's funny how women say men just want sex. Women eye me like a piece of meat, and only talk to me because they want sex. And that's not what I want! It's like bizarro world!
kimbop Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I think women naturally want emotionally attachment once they get to a certain age. I surely do. That means they do exist. You just need to get through the muck. Hey rittenhouse, does that mean you're from philly?
Author ImaManDammit Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 I appreciate all the feedback. I guess I have always been a person who, before engaging in sex, needed an connection or emotional bond of some type. I've never had or wanted a one night stand. Is it too much to ask that the person you are with feels the same? Is this too difficult these days? I have met women many different way,s be it a bar, through friends, work or by happenstance. Even joined clubs etc where people of similar interests as mine get together. I feel like a bit out of my element when sex is concerned. That society truly has moved to sex is just an act and does not have to be associated with love/caring/emotion. This seemed easier in my 20's, not so easy in my 40's. Even my friends tell me to go out and sow my wild oats. Its just not me. The funny thing is, most of the women I date end up being my friends. So I definitely don't have an issue with casual sex when it comes to friends, but not to the person I am with. Do I need to change with the times.....more importantly, can I or will I have to?
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 (edited) 95% of women only have sexual attraction due to an emotional reaction... so that kills the theory that these women arent around anymore. the key to a woman is her brain... her mind... her intellect (not in topical discussion, but in scintillating) in General Unless there is some sort of emotional connection with a woman, there will be no sex - and that doesnt mean she even remotely has to have "love" feelings or "love" potential feelings. Even casual sex is an emotional connection.... and I find women 28 to 40 much "easier" and willing than women in their early 20's.... something about the liberation, wisdom/experience and less drama games and also surprises me. As most of my lovers have ended up becoming my friends, it would be ridiculous to say there wasnt an emotional-respect-admiration-attraction bond of some sort on a mutual level. Edited April 7, 2010 by cooldudeinberlin
Rittenhouse Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Hey rittenhouse, does that mean you're from philly? I am. Didn't think anyone would pick up the clue so quickly! And you?
eraser Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 It's interesting how frequently I see a thread on this site to the effect of "dating for 3 months and still no sex" getting many responses like, "she's obviously sexually repressed," or "what a game player." I mean, I'm truly shocked! Haha. I made my last lover wait a year. The dudes around here would've exploded, probably.
Author ImaManDammit Posted April 8, 2010 Author Posted April 8, 2010 Haha. I made my last lover wait a year. The dudes around here would've exploded, probably. Even I would agree that a year is a bit excessive, but if there were movement in the relationship in other areas, I'd probabaly be ok with that.
eraser Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Even I would agree that a year is a bit excessive, but if there were movement in the relationship in other areas, I'd probabaly be ok with that. Aren't you the OP? I thought you called yourself "old-fashioned." What's your position on girls/women who want to wait until marriage? Not that I'm that way. Hell no.
Author ImaManDammit Posted April 9, 2010 Author Posted April 9, 2010 Aren't you the OP? I thought you called yourself "old-fashioned." What's your position on girls/women who want to wait until marriage? Not that I'm that way. Hell no. Yes. But I said I was somewhat old fashioned. Not that I think you should wait until you're married old fashioned. I'm just not into casual sex. I don't see sex as just an act or activity. That type of old fashioned. Having said that, would I wait until marriage before sex? No. Because sex is one of the 5 or so main reasons marriages fail. So I think you need to find out if you connect before you get married, and if not, do the other qualities of the person can sustain a successful relationship.
eraser Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I'm just not into casual sex. I don't see sex as just an act or activity. That type of old fashioned. In a previous post, you mentioned something about needing an emotional connection to be involved physically. I'm curious to know how long you think it takes to establish one.
Author ImaManDammit Posted April 9, 2010 Author Posted April 9, 2010 In a previous post, you mentioned something about needing an emotional connection to be involved physically. I'm curious to know how long you think it takes to establish one. You're right, I did. But when it happens all depends. In one case, I was friends with a woman for over a year, when we decided to see each other, and we became physical the second time we went out, because there was an already established connection. Where as when I went on a blind date with someone, that turned into a relastionship and we didn't become physical until we were well into 4 months of seeing each once, maybe twice a week. Then there was another situation, where it was only a month, but we spent much more time together. I don't want to make it sound like its all time based, but I do have a hard time believing that within one evening such an emotional bond can be made, and why one night, no matter how well the date went, isn't enough to build that bond. Then there is casual sex where the intent is just that, which I don't do.
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