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I'm a Complete Wreck Over Dumping a Girl


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Posted

To give you guys a real appreciation of where I'm coming from I would have to write a novel, so here is the short version.

 

I did not believe in someone being "the one", but now I don't know. This girl was one of the best people I have met, totally honest, good natured, although she could be a bitch she was a good person, and I found her more attractive than almost any other girl I have ever seen, and she was head over heals in love with me.

 

Anyway, I dumped her, we tried to move on, but then we ended up seeing each other again and it was really nice, we were never technically boyfriend/girlfriend again, but in essence we were.

 

I cheated on her a few times but didn't tell her. Basically I see myself as a good hearted person that is an idiot and weak and does bad things occasionally and her as a truly strong and good person and the fact that a good person loved me and I threw her away is just killing me inside, I didn't think girls like her existed, I just thought everyone cheated every now and then.

 

Now she has a new boyfriend who probably treats her better than I ever did and she is into him, and the fact that I can't have her anymore is what I think has started this depression.

 

I have had troubles breathing, its pretty rare when I can take a full deep breath. I have no appetite, eating kind of grosses me out, I haven't vomited from eating though, sleeping is hard. I can fall asleep when I'm really tired, but odds are I dream of her, and if I wake up throughout the night I can't get back to sleep, this has been going on for 2 weeks.

 

I know I need to meet new girls to get me over her but I can't because I am so messed up, I'm not my usual fun self, its a catch-22. Until I am over her I doubt I can attract a really quality girl, but I think I need a really quality girl to get over her.

 

I will take ANY advice, next stop is a psychologist and pills, please help!

Posted
next stop is a psychologist

 

Yes. Yes it is.

Posted

Sounds like you had a good woman and didn't treat her right when you had the chance. You can't undo your actions, and it sounds like she's moved on. Chalk this one up to experience.

 

Take the time to grieve. Ask yourself why you felt justified in cheating behind her when you were together. Saying that you are weak and do bad things on occasion isn't an honest enough answer.

Posted

Wow...get a hold of yourself, not trying to be mean but you know, when you play games sometimes you lose. So I guess, you are now officially a loser.

Posted

seems to me that you were afraid of commitment or did not want a serious relationship. if it is killing you inside the way you treated her then i suggest you do talk to her,no pressure just say whats on your mind to get it off your chest, doesnt mean she'll forgive you and run right back to you. But thats the least you can do and next time you are with someone who is good to you,let this be a lesson and be honest if youre not ready for a relationship,dont lead her on. Just my two cents and a bucket of crawfish.

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Posted (edited)

I appreciate the comments so far, they help a little.

 

Has anyone else felt like they basically "gave away" the one? It's not that I lost her, its that I discarded her, I am the only one to blame and its hard to deal with, is this possible to recover from? (besides getting her back which I do not think is an option at the moment)

 

I can't work because my job requires a lot of brain power, can pills fix this temporarily?

Edited by stereo
Posted

Alright, listen.

 

I did the same thing - I broke up with a girl and regretted it deeply. With all due respect, I never cheated on her, though.

 

I'm sure it weighs on your conscience that you cheated on her. If it does, apologize for it. Go back to her and apologize - not for her sake, but for your own. You made a mistake and it is up to you to rectify it as best as you can and learn from it.

 

Most importantly, Forgive yourself.

Posted

Okay, there. Get a grip. Letting yourself fall apart doesn't show her or God or anyone else how sorry you are. It's over and as much as she may/may not forgive you, you have to forgive yourself.

 

It's not clear to me, but does she even know you cheated? Also, when did you break up? If it's as recent as your reaction seems to suggest, then how do you know she already has a new boyfriend?

 

IMO, you need to stop allowing yourself to fall apart - it's not doing anyone any good. Then, if your love for this girl demands that you show her respect, find her, apologize for cheating and for not valuing the relationship. She may/may not forgive you, but at least you can give her her dignity back. She will ultimately appreciate that down the road. (And don't omit the truth if she doesn't know you cheated - she'll find out eventually and absolutely hate you for not telling you herself.)

 

Then, take some time. Heal, get over her. And if you have a problem with commitment, seek counselling. It's a curable fear. Being a survivor (and engaged to a survivor), I know how destructive the fear can be. Both of us were reluctant to go through it but found it incredibly helpful.

 

Down the road, if you truly love her, you may have an opportunity to prove it. However, if you don't, becoming the best person you can be will make you attractive to another high-quality girl. And hopefully, the next time, you'll be able to handle it.

Posted

sorry man you cheated, what goes around.......

 

Nah but for real, this happens to alot of people they don't realize how good they got it till it's gone.

 

You know how hard it is finding a honest good natured girl? hell i've been looking for years instead I just end up with devious cheating whores.

Posted
I cheated on her a few times but didn't tell her. Basically I see myself as a good hearted person that is an idiot and weak and does bad things occasionally and her as a truly strong and good person and the fact that a good person loved me and I threw her away is just killing me inside, I didn't think girls like her existed, I just thought everyone cheated every now and then.

 

I'm sorry........HOW does cheating and not telling your gf make you a good-hearted person? I must've missed that. You might have to take your lumps from that particular relationship, and try to work on yourself, and hopefully you'll have the chance to show another woman how truly good-hearted you can be, the right way. Good luck!

 

--T

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