broknhearted Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 after almost 3 years i think our affair is finally over. 2 weeks ago, he changed shifts and no longer works with me. same days, but works nights instead. accepted a supervisor postion. he tells me its not over and even called me yesterday to wish me a happy easter and to tell me he was thinking about me. i was pretty shocked. i thought maybe he was just letting me fade away, cuz his texts and calls are coming less frequent. if thats whats going on, i'm ok with it because i'm tired of all the ups and downs... i came out and asked him if thats what he was doing... said it wasn't. i asked if it was over now because we would only see each other at shift change for about 10 minutes he said it wasn't. i'm thinking he's just trying to keep me from being upset. telling me what i want to hear. but i don't know. i mean really... how are we ever going to see each other? we won't and it sucks. i miss him like crazy and still love him. but i am tired of being jerked around. i'm finally getting to where i'm not expecting a call/text. this is so hard but i'm slowly putting him out of my mind. first 3 days were my worst. i'm seeing now though that, what i'm in is very unhealthy. i expect him to call or text every now and then, and i guess thats ok. i may or may not respond. guess you would call this a slow break away? i don't know. i still feel like i lost my best friend. i know if i'm strong, i can get over all this. just gonna take time. until then i'm just so damn sad
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Glad you can see he IS jerking you around. YOU take control and make it over. Don't ask him if it is over...If you ask him, ofcourse he's going to say no and say something to keep you interested, give you hope. Then you'll 'wait' for him and he'll be in your head all the time.
Hazyhead Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Broken, I know what you're going through, and I know how hard it is to let go. But, at the same time he seems to be forcing your hand anyway. You'll wait, for him to tell you either way, I know, I've been there too; it seems endless. My one regret from that time - that I didn't liberate myself sooner; I waited for him to do it, hoping that it wouldn't go the way I was suspecting it was going to. But the waiting drove me insane. You're right; it's not healthy, and the situation will continue to be unhealthy to all involved until it is over. For your own sake and everybody elses', make the decision about your own life for yourself. Liberate yourself. It'll be hard, but you won't regret it.
Author broknhearted Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 your right... it is hard to let go. i thought i was doing pretty good all things considered, then this morning had a break down. and as far as him not being as much into the A as i was that may or may not be true. i've always felt that i had more feelings for him than he for me, but i really thought thats was low self esteem and me being insecure. i wish i'd get to that let go point really quick. i'm hoping outta sight, outta mind.... but we will see. i can try to avoid him as much as possible at shift change. i'm really trying to pull my sh** back together. first few days were horrible, better now but every now and again, i get so sad....
califnan Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 I pray you will reach the point where you will not even look for his emails, and realize how the time of the affair kept you from the good things - priorities in your life .. Keep reading on LS. I think the shift change turned out great .. and more for you than him ..
califnan Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 I pray you will reach the point where you will not even look for his call/texts, and realize how the time of the affair kept you from the good things - priorities in your life .. Keep reading on LS. I think the shift change turned out great .. and more for you than him .. correction
ladydesigner Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 i just read some of your previous posts.......are you really sure you wanted to quit the A.... anyways why are you still with your H...you do not give a F*** about him or his feelings...if you are just using him then why not get a divorce.... finally ...do not complain about how your H treats bad and loads of BS..i guess you really deserved to be treated like that I am sorry no one deserves to be treated poorly affair or not. I know you always come back but your posts are NEVER helpful.
pureinheart Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 (edited) after almost 3 years i think our affair is finally over. 2 weeks ago, he changed shifts and no longer works with me. same days, but works nights instead. accepted a supervisor postion. he tells me its not over and even called me yesterday to wish me a happy easter and to tell me he was thinking about me. i was pretty shocked. i thought maybe he was just letting me fade away, cuz his texts and calls are coming less frequent. if thats whats going on, i'm ok with it because i'm tired of all the ups and downs... i came out and asked him if thats what he was doing... said it wasn't. i asked if it was over now because we would only see each other at shift change for about 10 minutes he said it wasn't. i'm thinking he's just trying to keep me from being upset. telling me what i want to hear. but i don't know. i mean really... how are we ever going to see each other? we won't and it sucks. i miss him like crazy and still love him. but i am tired of being jerked around. i'm finally getting to where i'm not expecting a call/text. this is so hard but i'm slowly putting him out of my mind. first 3 days were my worst. i'm seeing now though that, what i'm in is very unhealthy. i expect him to call or text every now and then, and i guess thats ok. i may or may not respond. guess you would call this a slow break away? i don't know. i still feel like i lost my best friend. i know if i'm strong, i can get over all this. just gonna take time. until then i'm just so damn sad Hi BH, Please try to read my reply without emotion...(if possible)...detach from the "emotion" part and attach to the logic. I had a work-related EA with (now exDM)....everytime there was a change in the cirumstances, like he would work in a different area, get laid off, work at a different co etc, he would back off per se...it's like we would start all over again. Then he would get familiar with the new routine and find different ways to contact me, or see me whatever. It was a roller coaster, as I began to fear any type of change because it would mean us not seeing each other on any level. I might add, this fear began to take shape in other behaviors and areas in my life...meaning it's manifestation "spidered" like a web to create fear. I began to loose consistancy in my life, as his was in constant turmoil due to his situation. Now the "supervisor" thing comes into play...when I first started at my co, (it's an international large co) people had the room to mess up, supervision and union...now it's a different ballgame. He's got to prove himself possibly...I'm not sure what standards the co you work for goes by...if it's smaller you don't have to deal with the "ethics" training (which I think is a joke, for many reasons), but we had other entities we had to answer to, not just the co itself. I don't know your situation/story, although if he can shine you on, just like that, there is a reason...take a step back, don't hate him nothing, just pick your wonderful self up and move on.... Edited April 7, 2010 by pureinheart
secretlifeofjane28 Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 You've given him all of you control. It's time to take some back. Block and walk. Start self protecting now. Focus on you. It will take great strength and courage, but it's the only way to escape and regain your dignity and self worth.
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