Shijo Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 (edited) I'm 19 years old and I guess you could say I'm a wreck from whats happened to me recently. I had gotten into a relationship with a girl who I had met in the beginning of the school year and it kicked off solid. We didn't start dating til February(met her in September), but it went well. Well I thought it did. We had our fights, but who doesn't? I just have a thing with getting heated however and it takes me a bit to cool off, but I never hit anyone. In this time my "friends" always pushed me away to talk to her and leave me to chill out. At first, I didn't have a problem with it, but I began to suspect that they were making moves on my girlfriend without me thinking too hard about it. I trusted them though so I just disregarded the thought until about a month later she said she was breaking up with me to "help me". Of all the reasons, she gave me that one. Saying I needed to work on myself. I guess I was in shock since that was the same day I wanted to talk about the relationship we had and wanted to fix it. It came out of the blue and I didn't know how to respond. It lasted for a few weeks before it finally sank in and I thought it was my fault. She had begun to distance herself from me and the people she used to hang out with regularly and I've only really ever seen her with her new boyfriend. She does things in front of me, which are obviously hurtful. I've promised things and I don't turn back on my word and shes hitting the points that bother me the most and yet I just eat it because there is nothing I can do about it. She also fed me things like she was thinking about other guys in our relationship, how she wants to be friends again and how she's going to wait until I get over it, saying I should have someone better and other stupid things along that. I see people equally so I don't understand what she means. I wanted HER, not someone else and I don't get what she means. Instead of beating myself up anymore than I had, I decided to do some investigating of my own and now I realize that through me getting angry, one of my best friends took that as an opportunity to take her interest from me. I don't understand why I don't hate them or are angry at them. I am mad at myself for not figuring it out earlier but I can't be angry at either of them when they've done things behind my back, cheated on me and then when I found out about it just made it worse instead of apologizing and then claimed to want to be friends after that. I can't talk to them anymore obviously but the fact that I still care about her and even now am willing to forgive her...My friends say I'm a good guy, but I think I'm just the stupidest person alive. Edited April 5, 2010 by Shijo
DustySaltus Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I know you are hurting but you need to look at two things. One, you weeded out some "friends" that you don't need to be associated with anymore. Second, you saw a girl for what she was. Instead of trying to work out the issues between BOTH of you, she tells you to work on yourself. How nice of her to lay the blame solely on you. So this is what you are going to do. You're going to focus on yourself and the rest of the semester, cut all contact with her and LEARN from this experience. Don't ever think that a relationship was a waste of time when it's over. it's only a waste of time if you don't use what you've learned to BETTER yourself. You'll be fine. As you say in your signature, take pity on her for she lost someone who loved her unconditionally. I know all too well how that feels. Good luck.
Author Shijo Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 I understand. And innately, I've been doing the no contact thing for a while, but its alot harder than I thought it was. I wake up in the mornings telling myself I've got strength and I go to bed at night trying not to think about her, but sometimes dreaming is my worst enemy. I know what went wrong and I won't make the same mistake twice, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to forgive her. The thing that's probably stopping me from recovering the most is just the gravity of the situation. I've never really had something like this happen before and with the other person saying things to help it along. Caliguy's No Contact guide really is helpful. Just thinking of a future that way is probably the only thing I can hope for. I'll try to get out of the gutter and back on me feet. Thanks.
DustySaltus Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I know it's hard. Continue to post here, there's a lot of support for you.
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