Exit Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 How much of a red flag is it when someone says they love you really early? I've only been seeing this girl for about two weeks and she already claims to love me. It's hard for me to tell, because I like affection, and it's not like I would expect to wait 6 months or something to start saying "love". But after a few very tough break ups in my life, I swore I would pay closer attention to the behavior of the girls that I date, so I'm trying to be cautious this time. It's flattering to hear that someone loves you, but on the other hand, I can't help thinking things like -- if she can love me this quickly, she might be the type to change her mind just as quickly and end relationships, or -- if you can feel so strongly for me this quickly, what happens when you meet the next guy who you find somewhat attractive and interesting? Going to "love" him too? Am I just being insecure? Too cautious because of breakups that have hurt me in the past? Should I be thrilled that this new girl feels so strongly about me? Not sure what to think.
lola.lilac Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Hmmm....my last serious boyfriend said he loved me DURING SEX two weeks into our "official" relationship began. I have questioned it....maybe he had really strong feelings, and it was a precursor to love. Maybe I'm just jaded and didn't think it was possible to fall so quickly. Anyway, he went on to love me for a very long time. But sometimes I think it ruined us a little bit- I was pressured to say it back, and I think I resented him a bit for rushing it.
VertexSquared Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 If someone's apt to fall quickly and deeply in love, it usually begs the question of whether or not their feelings are true and on what basis those feelings stem from. If someone claimed to love me after just a few weeks, I'd be willing to bet they'd "love" someone else just as quickly if things didn't work out. I don't think it's possible to truly love someone so early in a relationship when the sheer dynamics of things change over a longer duration/timeframe. I'd rather hear it after the relationship has had some time to develop -- flaws exposed and all. That would mean a lot more to me. In general I just think people need to be aware that most relationships endure a honeymoon period. Everyone's on best behavior. It's great to have those sparks/high levels of chemistry/happiness rushes/moments of "newness," but it's also important to keep in mind that it's a temporary construct and that the true tests of relationships spring up with time.
boogieboy Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Watch her actions from now on to see if they match her words. And yes, the feelings can change quickly if you do something to turn her off. So watch her carefully.
marsle85 Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 That is a HUGE red flag to me. I had a guy tell me he loved me a month into our relationship. No. Way. Even at my age (20) I don't take the L word lightly. If I tell you I love you - we have a substantial relationship. Nothing that can compare to a 1 month deal. We were hooking up while he said it, and I just kissed him. He said "Umm - is that it?" And I said "...yes, for now" Because there's no way I'm going to tell someone that unless I mean it. He ended up being very immature. Not so much obnoxious, just youthful and ironically- I couldn't connect with him on a deeper level. Noooo way. I don't like it.
123BeachFan Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I don't think it's a red flag by itself. Some people use the "L" word more liberally than others. I have friends that finish up on the phone with "I love you, sweetie." And I've known people who profess to loving their new BF/GF really early on in the dating process. To me, that sort of love is the "I really like you and want you to know that I care about you," rather than the romantic love that says, "I know you and I am open to you, and I'm completely vulnerable to you." I did have a BF once who professed to loving me at the 3 month mark. He went on to say that he'd been in love with me since our 2nd date, but he didn't want to rush right out and say the words until he was completely sure it was really love. And yeah, if he had proclaimed his love for me on Date 2, I would have run screaming the other direction.
DustySaltus Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Exit, come on now. 2 weeks? I'd end it with HER. Someone who falls in love after 2 weeks clearly doesn't know what love is all about. She is more than likely the same person who will tell you 2 weeks later that she thinks she needs space. Ask her WHY she loves you. But in my opinion (and I know we've both been burned and SHOULD be skeptical) I would run away as fast as I can. Huge red flag.
homersheineken Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I had this happen after 2 weeks and us going on 4 dates. She wanted to know if she was "my baby" and why I was still on the online dating site we met. She was determined to get in a relationship with me asap. I told her we need to slow it down a bit. We tried, but unfortunately, you can't and broke up a couple of weeks later. Tread carefully...
RobM Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Hmmm....my last serious boyfriend said he loved me DURING SEX two weeks into our "official" relationship began. nothing guys say during SEX can be held against them, we're not thinking straight then
RobM Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I stand corrected, some things we say during sex can be held against us.
123BeachFan Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I once called a girl Mom during sex lol LOL Homer. Sick on so many levels. The universal bedroom name is "Baby." Minimizes any slip-ups that might arise in the heat of the moment. Note I said "Baby" and not "Mama."
homersheineken Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 LOL Homer. Sick on so many levels. The universal bedroom name is "Baby." Minimizes any slip-ups that might arise in the heat of the moment. Note I said "Baby" and not "Mama." It's a movie quote. Clerks
carhill Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Keep an even keel and watch her actions to reflect the words. If you've only *known* her for two weeks, I would opine patently premature. If you have a non-romantic history, it depends. Have you had sex yet?
make me believe Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Two weeks is waaaayyyy too soon! Unless you've known her for longer and were friends with her before. But if you've only known each other for two weeks, or a little longer, then I think it's a huge red flag. She can't possibly LOVE you yet. She can think she's falling in love with you or that the possibility is there (I definitely felt that for my bf. When I met him I just KNEW he was someone I could fall in love with), but I don't think you can truly love someone after such a short amount of time. How old is she? I think younger people (like teenagers) tend to throw the L-word around pretty liberally, so in that case I wouldn't think as much of it - except to not take it seriously - but if she is older then, yeah, red flag. nothing guys say during SEX can be held against them, we're not thinking straight then Haha! This is so true, but it goes for girls too. A friend of mine blurted it out during sex with her bf of only a couple weeks. They both just pretended it never happened.
aerogurl87 Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 My ex boyfriend told me he loved me after a week of knowing me and oddly enough I think he may have actually meant it. So no I don't think it always is a sign of immaturity, but sometimes people just know I guess.
DustySaltus Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I'll tell you what love is. Love is oxytocin in the brain. The OP's gf's brain is currently bathing in oxytocin, hence her feelings of love for him. So her attraction switches work faster than the norm, so what? OP, relax and enjoy... It's perfectly normal... *scratches head* WHAT? How is this normal? What you're talking about is a feeling of Euphoria, not love.
Rittenhouse Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I am soooo guilty of this. I will tell sometimes tell a woman I love her after the first good kiss. I know I have turned off more than one woman this way. I know it's stupid, but I can't help myself. I think I'm pretty normal otherwise, but I do tend to get very emotional at the early physical stages with someone. How do I stop?
Engadget Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Girls like that scare me. The two recent single girls I met that are friends are both like that. The first time I met one of them, she was saying "I love Jake" (a friend of mine), and then 3 weeks later is madly in love with another guy she barely knows. It's creepy...
DustySaltus Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I am soooo guilty of this. I will tell sometimes tell a woman I love her after the first good kiss. I know I have turned off more than one woman this way. I know it's stupid, but I can't help myself. I think I'm pretty normal otherwise, but I do tend to get very emotional at the early physical stages with someone. How do I stop? Why do you feel the need to tell a woman you LOVE her after the first kiss?
zebracolors Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I guess I should have actually "seen" the writing on the wall with a situation I was in. Long story short, I had been talking to a guy I met in an online chat room site, I was starting to like him a little, however I didn't realize how fast he wanted to move into a R. After only a few days of talking and getting to know each other, he dropped the L word. Well I probably was hasty in actually continuing contact with the guy, but could not shake the feeling that something was not right. So as of this post I ended it with him about half hour ago. Feels better to share it, but I kind of still feel bad about it, and will for a while.
Rittenhouse Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Why do you feel the need to tell a woman you LOVE her after the first kiss? I don't know! Maybe I don't get it enough... When I find someone attractive, and she reciprocates, it's such a rush that I lose my self-control. I don't know if I just have to outgrow this, or what. But I'm not exactly the youngest here. Maybe I just have to hold back from kissing someone until I'm sure that she'll love me back.
DustySaltus Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 I guess I should have actually "seen" the writing on the wall with a situation I was in. Long story short, I had been talking to a guy I met in an online chat room site, I was starting to like him a little, however I didn't realize how fast he wanted to move into a R. After only a few days of talking and getting to know each other, he dropped the L word. Well I probably was hasty in actually continuing contact with the guy, but could not shake the feeling that something was not right. So as of this post I ended it with him about half hour ago. Feels better to share it, but I kind of still feel bad about it, and will for a while. Did you ever actually meet him in person?
DustySaltus Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Maybe I just have to hold back from kissing someone until I'm sure that she'll love me back. If you wait for that you might be waiting a while. You're young, go out and have fun. Have no expectations and just go with the flow. Love will find you at the appropriate time, you won't need to look for it.
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