CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Will you please do yourselves a favor? Please read something that is WELL INTENDED for you. It's called: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover). You can pick it up on Amazon for like, $10.00. It will change your life and help you wrest yourself from the crapulence that you're wallowing in wondering what YOU did wrong. Trust me, I have personally learned so much from that book that I just don't give a flip whether people love or accept me for who I am. I don't need to impress anyone or have them love me. They either love and accept me for who I am or not stay in my life. It's that easy. GET THE BOOK!
Tony T Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 You are quite right about that book. It's great. Another good book is "Nice Guys Don't Get Laid" by Marcus Pierce Meleton, Jr. There are also companion books, "Love Tactics and "More Love Tactics" and those are classics...nothing better exists in the universe on the secrets of love. The authors are Philips and McKnight. You can also Google "Love Tactics" and find a web site that will give you some previews of what's in the books. Take a few weeks to read those books and the world will be your oyster as far as love is concerned. And you are right, you have to just love yourself and do your thing. If someone special wants to jump aboard your life and you're willing to have that happen if they behave themselves, then fine. Otherwise, acting like somebody is a really big deal is not going to do the trick in most cases...especially at the beginning. Glover also has a web site and is available for private, one on one counseling via telephone for a fee. It may be worth it if you've got a problem being too much of a nice guy, a wimp or just don't clearly understand how women want to be treated...with respect. It is an absolute turn off for women to have a guy kiss their butt. Trust me on this.
ingridh Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 What about us Nice Gals? I was too nice, too generous, too kind, too thoughtful (e.g. didn't mind him going to strip clubs)... and ended up being dumped. Go figure.
Tony T Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 What about us Nice Gals? I was too nice, too generous, too kind, too thoughtful (e.g. didn't mind him going to strip clubs)... and ended up being dumped. Go figure. I have absolutely no idea why but the bxtches have guys eating out of the palms of their hands. It's never a good idea to be too nice too early in a relationship. It's just not sexy or attractive. People don't value what is too easily attained.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 You're welcome, Tony. Just getting a bit tired of door mats who don't seem to understand how to fix the problem and won't do much (if anything) to fix it. If something about you is broken in a relationship, stop blaming THEM and look within FIRST. Fix your stuff!
ingridh Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I have absolutely no idea why but the bxtches have guys eating out of the palms of their hands. It's never a good idea to be too nice too early in a relationship. It's just not sexy or attractive. People don't value what is too easily attained. Thanks. Where were you two years ago? I also loved him too much. Wanted to give him everything he never had, thinking that would make him happy. You are right, he didn't value any of that. Yep, that was one hard lesson I learned. No more Ms. Nice Gal from now on. No more.
MrsPeaSoup Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Yes, it is a very important lesson to learn: You don't have to impress everyone. You don't have to be friends with everyone, not everyone needs to love you. This lesson I learned from my ex, back in the days we were still happily together. He made me see that I am allowed to say what I think and that people still value me, if not even more, after not agreeing on something. It is a very valuable lesson we all need to learn one day. No book needed for that, though. Although it can help.
teanoranges Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 why nice guys don't get the girl: they don't go for nice girls...... why nice girls don't get the guy: they don't go for nice guys........... hmmmmm
McGrupp Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 i would also recomend pulling your own strings - the way of the superior man - pyscho -cybernetics (if your depressed)
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 why nice guys don't get the girl: they don't go for nice girls...... why nice girls don't get the guy: they don't go for nice guys........... hmmmmm I think it has more to do with the fact that people often want/need/desire to have other people accept them. My facts as they remain: "Never, EVER try to make people love and accept you. If they don't, just don't include them in your life. Period."
Perhaps Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Will you please do yourselves a favor? Please read something that is WELL INTENDED for you. It's called: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover). You can pick it up on Amazon for like, $10.00. It will change your life and help you wrest yourself from the crapulence that you're wallowing in wondering what YOU did wrong. Trust me, I have personally learned so much from that book that I just don't give a flip whether people love or accept me for who I am. I don't need to impress anyone or have them love me. They either love and accept me for who I am or not stay in my life. It's that easy. GET THE BOOK! I'm gonna pick that book up simply because You recommended it .. oh, and also 'cause I Need it. Thanks
nobmagnet Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 (edited) Yep and important life lesson Cali. I ended up with a sign on me bum saying "kick me" Nope never again. Nobby xx Edited April 5, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
shadowplay Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 What about us Nice Gals? I was too nice, too generous, too kind, too thoughtful (e.g. didn't mind him going to strip clubs)... and ended up being dumped. Go figure. "Why Men Love Bitches" is great. Don't be put off by the title -- it's actually a pretty insightful read.
KewlBum Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 So if I had to pick only one book, which would be the best?
Ilovecake Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 What about us Nice Gals? I was too nice, too generous, too kind, too thoughtful (e.g. didn't mind him going to strip clubs)... and ended up being dumped. Go figure. How does allowing him to go to strip clubs = being a nice girl? Allowing him to do stuff is what his mother is for. You should be an equal partner in an adult relationship. If you're with a guy who likes to frequent strip clubs and you don't approve but tell him it's OK with you then you're a doormat, a liar and not in the right relationship. If you however enjoy strip clubs or truly don't care either way, then that's just the way it is and it doesn't make you a nice or not nice person. I think a lot of people confuse letting others walk all over them with geniality.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 I'm gonna pick that book up simply because You recommended it .. oh, and also 'cause I Need it. Thanks You're welcome! Yep and important life lesson Cali. I ended up with a sign on me bum saying "kick me" Nope never again. Nobby xx Nah, you do it only until you read the book. Then the sign goes away. So if I had to pick only one book, which would be the best? You read the book I recommended.
Hot Carl Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Woo hoo! I've been waiting and waiting for another nice guy thread! Now LS feels like home again. I'm going to start a few of my own. I wish someone could come up with a term that defines nice guys who aren't doormats. Some way to identify them as having achieved some kind of "balance" between being a nice guy and being a jerk. I just can't think of a good one myself.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 Woo hoo! I've been waiting and waiting for another nice guy thread! Now LS feels like home again. I'm going to start a few of my own. I wish someone could come up with a term that defines nice guys who aren't doormats. Some way to identify them as having achieved some kind of "balance" between being a nice guy and being a jerk. I just can't think of a good one myself. There are no "nice guys", there are only door mats. There are men who do "nice" things in exchange for love/affection. Good, well balanced men do not need to be nice all the time. They simply be themselves and do GOOD things when they feel like it, not wanting something in exchange. It's called DOORMAT/BALANCE/JERK. Balance is the middle and where you want to be.....
just1guy Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I admit, I went and bought the book, "No More Mr Nice Guy" a couple of weeks ago when I read about it on LS, and it does have some really good stuff. I found some things that I did in my past relationship that I now acknowledge. Although I wasn't a total "Nice Guy", there were instances in my recent relationship when I settled for something only becuase I was afraid that she wouldn't happy, but now I know and will not be the same again. Even if you don't do all the exercises in it, there's alot of really good info. It is definitely a must buy.
Hot Carl Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 If you want to read a good book on the topic, then buy The Mack Within - The Holy Book of Game by Tariq "King Flex" Nasheed.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 If you want to read a good book on the topic, then buy The Mack Within - The Holy Book of Game by Tariq "King Flex" Nasheed. Game is not what door mats need. It's learning to be confident and accepted by one's SELF and not by others. Not trying to conquer others, but conquering yourself.
br0ken_w0lf Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 OK, CaliGuy, I'm picking up this book! I have heard good things about it in the past but, moreso, you seem to have your s*** together and give good advice on here. Sold! (also, like Perhaps, because I really need it)
Slainte Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 I don't see what the fuss is really. Everyone's always going on about the "nice guy" thing and as we witness here, tons of books have been written about it. All you really need to no is be polite, but not submissive. Do your things and let your partner do there's, work on communicating the good but especially the bad rather than suppressing it, and carry a big stick.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 OK, CaliGuy, I'm picking up this book! I have heard good things about it in the past but, moreso, you seem to have your s*** together and give good advice on here. Sold! (also, like Perhaps, because I really need it) Good call. Nice is bad. M'kay?? Nice for a specific personal reason = bad. I don't see what the fuss is really. Everyone's always going on about the "nice guy" thing and as we witness here, tons of books have been written about it. All you really need to no is be polite, but not submissive. Do your things and let your partner do there's, work on communicating the good but especially the bad rather than suppressing it, and carry a big stick. Sorta like this. Just do things that make YOU happy and be kind to others. Not "nice". Nice is just a facade to someone.
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